T

It's never too late. TSM11 is my 3rd wife. My first wife and I married young. She had a high level position in the German goverment and made good money. When I came back to the states she had a nervous breakdown. The counsellor said that she went from being powerful and an equal (better actually) money make to be a stay at home mome because she couldn't work yet. We had started the process for her to get a work permit but it's a slow process. Anyway, she started volunteering at the base hospital and studying to be a paramedic. When that became all consuming for her I saw the writing on the wall. She said she didn't have time for a husband or toddler son. I consider that marriage as a "starter mariage" we were married just under 4 years and together for 6.

My second marriage we were married for 16 years and together for almost 18. Her daughter, got into drugs and went to prison for her addiction. She stole from us, lied to us and turned out to be just not a nice person to be around unless she was high. When we were notified that she was coming up on being released from prison I insisted on my step-daughter (I hate that term) going thru a half way house or rehab program of some sort. My reasoning she would come home to the same group of friends and fall back into the same problems. My second wife felt that she was clean for 3 years in prison and that would be enough. Her mother and grand parents both enabled her behavior by bailing her out everytime they could. Her grand parents are wealthy and thought throwing money at it would solve her issues. That didn't work and in fact IMNSHO made it worse. My 2nd wife felt I was making her pick between me and her daughter. We had grown apart somewhat (I didn't see that until late) and she cited my insistance on rehab as a reason for divorce. I THEN saw the situation for what it was and took my chance to leave on agreeable terms. Unfortunately, I was correct about her coming home without some program to help her. She was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia. She barely skated on that charge with her grand parent's money and a high priced attorney. To my knowledge she is still living with my ex, has no job, living on welfare etc. All that was the thanks I got for working 80+ hour weeks to support my family and my step-daughter's children. I missed many of my son's milestones because I was working all the time. Looking back I should have pulled the ejection handle a long time before it got that bad. I will give my ex credit in doing a much better job helping me raise my son than she did with her daughter.

I say all that to say that TSM11 and I have been together for 10 years and married for going on 4 now. We are very close to the same age and got married at almost 50 years old. TSM11 is truly my soulmate. Hell, our first date was to an indoor range to shoot. We have so much in common that it just works. I know I can be a hard headed asshole sometimes but I'm trying really hard to learn from my past mistakes. I sincerely believe we were put together to spend the rest of our lives and whatever is beyond that together.

So just be open to what comes your way. You never know when love will find you. I wish you the best of luck in life no matter what happens. You're good people and would be one hell of a catch for the right person.

Thanks you all. It is truly touching that you have taken the time to share your experiences, encouragement and even just an uplifting post.

I am not worried about being alone. I do that well (probably too well in fact) But, I do know that life is better with other people in it. I can't even begin to think about the prospect of another love. But, it is nice to hear that some of you found it later in life ('cause I am "LATER" in life )

Right now the focus is today and what I can manage to get done. Thankfully the house is big enough to separate ourselves during this process. Yesterday I was alone from about 11 am to 10 pm because the casino was calling. I can no longer worry about that. Going from loving and caring about someone for 5 years to 0 is such an odd feeling. Not that those feelings are gone I just can't afford them anymore as I have to worry about me and my fur kids now. There is no going back not with how things are and it is truly sad. I can't even wrap my head around choosing an addiction over your family. But, I guess thankfully that gene missed me.

Can't thank you guys enough so I will just keep saying it.

Keep a damn close eye on your belongings. It may not have happened yet but gamblers can be every bit as bad as junkies when it comes to “borrowing” things to generate more cash to feed that addiction. If you confront them the first response is almost always, “I’ll buy it back when I get the money!” Assume the worst and prepare for it! Sorry to go so hardcore negative but you can’t let your guard down for a second.

No it is a good reminder. As the household emergency cash was already taken from my safe.

Yup me too

Tara, if you haven’t already, either change your safe combination now, or keep valuables somewhere safe. As well as starting your own bank accounts, without him on them. See if you can remove yourself from any shared credit cards, and get your own. You’ve probably already done most if not all, but wanted to remind you.
It’s bad enough he’s ruining his life, don’t want to go down with him credit wise, or reputation.
I was fortunate, my first husband at least didn’t ruin our credit, but he sure did go thru our money, when he had any. He was full of excuses about his drinking too. He could stop anytime, but just didn’t want to, then it was my fault he drank. I gave up trying to help him, as he didn’t want help. Told myself I didn’t want another man for a long time, and met my current husband within 2 weeks, ha. Been married over 30 years to him now, and we make a great combination, if I do say so myself. He is a great guy, and we are happy. So don’t sell yourself short, you might find a partner when you least expect it. Just don’t expect it, keep your eyes and mind open.
I hope you can get yourself free and clear, and make a fresh start!

What she said ^

Don’t try to plan your love life. You don’t have to go looking but don’t run off anyone either. Just roll with it as long as you take care of you first.

quote:

Originally posted by Leemur:

Don’t try to plan your love life. You don’t have to go looking but don’t run off anyone either. Just roll with it as long as you take care of you first.

Yup. I certainly was not looking when I met my current wife. I was really enjoying the single life, dating when I met somebody interesting, but no real attachment to anybody. That was just over 48 years ago. I was captured by her gorgeous looks, 48 years later she is still hot(!) but I am overwhelmed by her personality, her generous, caring, attitude, and her incredible intelligence.

I still can't figure out what she sees in me.

quote:

Originally posted by P226RN:
No it is a good reminder. As the household emergency cash was already taken from my safe.

I hope by you and not him.

If you need some company or want to get out of the house, maybe we can join you for lunch or range trip this weekend? Don't think we have any plans.

Yes, thanks I have separate finances so that's good. And no the emergency fund wasn't taken by me which is not good. I don't have many valuables other than some guns but I really don't think the jail time would be worth the theft.

J, Thanks bud, I actually will be meeting up with some of my Commando Krav Maga classmates on Sat so that will be good. And I am working off and on the rest of the week. Keeping busy helps. Being home sucks. Thank you so much for the offer. If it's ok I may take you up on it down the road if you guys are free again sometime. We could even trek out to Peacemaker for some target therapy.

As always thanks everyone.

One day at a time.

Push the ball forward every day.

Before you know it you'll be free again.

Having read the thread to this point I'll keep it simple, and from my own experience:

You will be OK.

Read it again as many times as you like.

quote:

Originally posted by apprentice:
Having read the thread to this point I'll keep it simple, and from my own experience:

You will be OK.

Read it again as many times as you like.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The above, a thousand times over, can't be said enough...."You will be okay!!!!"

Yes indeed!

quote:

Originally posted by P226RN:
^ lol smart man!! And thanks!

Seriously considering just packing up and doing travel nursing in an RV with the pups. Gun friendly states only of course! Jeff already has me drooling over some RV’s! Darn him.

Huge need for nurses in Missouri. Especially the company I work for in corrections, if you don't mind dealing with inmates. You could pretty much pick out what part of the state you want to live as all 22 facilities are short staffed.

If you do the traveling RN thing, the world is pretty much your oyster.

A woman I know did that for a couple years before settling down again - it was basically a working vacation, as she'd work in a place for a period of time, then pick up and move on to another new place.

Come up to the Yoop. We need good nurses. Do it before it snows.
Which will be next week.

I am sorry. Truly.

I have an idea. I don't drink to any significant degree. I don't use drugs - reports of hookers and blow are greatly exaggerated. I hate gambling as I can't stand to lose money for nothing.

Let me ask my wife if she is interested in becoming one of those varieties of splinter-group Mormons who still go for polygamy . . .


Seriously, I hope you find what makes you happy. I am sure it is time to give relationships a rest, but maybe you'll be ready to try again some time. Perhaps some reflection will help you avoid the addictive type in the future.

My best to you.

im in the same boat. Sick of my partners developing ' other interest' folding on responsibilities.
I'll just enjoy the fruits of labor on my own....