You didn't cause it, you can't cure it and you sure can't control it no matter how many rules you lay down for an adult.

Hope this somehow works out well for you. And that all these messages weren't coming just from you, but from your SO as well. From what you've described, perhaps not.

Best of luck.

I'm curious about how this fellow finances his marijuana hobby.

This kind of messed up situation with adults moving back home is exactly what happened to my wife's parents. At one time her sisters and brother all moved back home with their children since they couldn't hold down jobs and afford their own rents.
Both parents were retired but had to get back into the work force to pay for the adult children and grandchildren who were sponging off of them. They are so far in debt now that they will never recover and retirement is nowhere in sight for her Mom while her Dad is now far too old and in poor health to work.

quote:

Originally posted by arfmel:
I'm curious about how this fellow finances his marijuana hobby.

He actually has a decent job and has been pretty decent about being here, in fact we rarely see him and he has been playing by the rules.

Just to be clear, he has his issues but is not a bum,,,,he had a GF and they were sharing expenses in a really nice apt and, like many young couples, stretched pretty thin. Not 2 months after convincing him they needed to sign a new leases she decided that she was moving back home with her mom and needed to "figure things out". He went to the management company and told them they needed to break the lease as he could not afford rent on his own. They owe the old complex some money for easy termination and he is worried the ex is going to flake (I told him to take her to small claims as her name is on lease too).

His end game is to save up enough to pay first/last/security in new, smaller apt and be out. The concern that I have is he will get to comfortable here and we will have to shove him out so I am monitoring very closely

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Now that you've "accepted" said son, your house...your rules. I would ask demand to be put on his banking account(s) so that you can login and check his record of deposits in a SAVINGS account to assure he is making those aforementioned monetary efforts to move out. It's all about checks and balances, my friend (no pun intended).

Don't do it behind his back...do it right in front of him to show there are no secrets either way.

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Now that you've "accepted" said son, your house...your rules. I would ask demand to be put on his banking account(s) so that you can login and check his record of deposits in a SAVINGS account to assure he is making those aforementioned monetary efforts to move out. It's all about checks and balances, my friend (no pun intended).

Don't do it behind his back...do it right in front of him to show there are no secrets either way.

Much to my surprise he actually asked my wife if he could give her cash every pay period to hold for him....I will see if it tapers off after a few checks

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Now that you've "accepted" said son, your house...your rules. I would ask demand to be put on his banking account(s) so that you can login and check his record of deposits in a SAVINGS account to assure he is making those aforementioned monetary efforts to move out. It's all about checks and balances, my friend (no pun intended).

Don't do it behind his back...do it right in front of him to show there are no secrets either way.

Much to my surprise he actually asked my wife if he could give her cash every pay period to hold for him....I will see if it tapers off after a few checks

Why doesn't your wife take him to the bank and show him how to open a savings account......and she can even show him how to have it auto debit X amount of dollars every so often.....geez, the kid is 26??? I owned 2 used car dealerships at that age and ran everything.

quote:

Originally posted by jimmy123x:

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:

quote:

Originally posted by erj_pilot:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Now that you've "accepted" said son, your house...your rules. I would ask demand to be put on his banking account(s) so that you can login and check his record of deposits in a SAVINGS account to assure he is making those aforementioned monetary efforts to move out. It's all about checks and balances, my friend (no pun intended).

Don't do it behind his back...do it right in front of him to show there are no secrets either way.

Much to my surprise he actually asked my wife if he could give her cash every pay period to hold for him....I will see if it tapers off after a few checks

Why doesn't your wife take him to the bank and show him how to open a savings account......and she can even show him how to have it auto debit X amount of dollars every so often.....geez, the kid is 26??? I owned 2 used car dealerships at that age and ran everything.

I hear you but I will accept small victories. Like you, I was well on my way at his age, owned a home and a 35 foot sailboat with zero help from parents.

Well, thatnks for all the advice and support but I have to say I have been pleanatly surprised by the way this turned out.

He moved back in as planned and with a couple of very small and minor exceptions there have been no issues.

He did exacyl what he said he was going to do and saved his money, got his head on straight, yold the ex to fuck off when she tried to take his dog and next week he moves into his own one bedroom in a very nice complex that he was ablr to afford and secure with no assiatnce from us.

The only issue I have now is that he was perfectly willing to pay for a small moving company to move him but mywife had to step in an insist we help so he is renting a U Hail and I will be humping his shot up 2-3 flights of stairs!

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:
Well, thatnks for all the advice and support but I have to say I have been pleanatly surprised by the way this turned out.

He moved back in as planned and with a couple of very small and minor exceptions there have been no issues.

He did exacyl what he said he was going to do and saved his money, got his head on straight, yold the ex to fuck off when she tried to take his dog and next week he moves into his own one bedroom in a very nice complex that he was ablr to afford and secure with no assiatnce from us.

The only issue I have now is that he was perfectly willing to pay for a small moving company to move him but mywife had to step in an insist we help so he is renting a U Hail and I will be humping his shot up 2-3 flights of stairs!

I am happy for you all. I am also glad to see someone else suffer from phone thumb typingitus.

Excellent news, Kevmo. So maybe this was the learning experience he needed to launch him into adult-hood!! Really happy for y'all that everything turned out OK. Now y'all can enjoy a Merry Christmas without animosity hanging in the air.

Two thumbs up!!

Excellent! Just be sure wifey is around to personally carry those boxes full o' books up the 3 flights a few times... Just as a personal pound o' flesh of investment in the move she volunteered you for!

Glad it worked out.

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:
Well, thatnks for all the advice and support but I have to say I have been pleanatly surprised by the way this turned out.

He moved back in as planned and with a couple of very small and minor exceptions there have been no issues.

He did exacyl what he said he was going to do and saved his money, got his head on straight, yold the ex to fuck off when she tried to take his dog and next week he moves into his own one bedroom in a very nice complex that he was ablr to afford and secure with no assiatnce from us.

The only issue I have now is that he was perfectly willing to pay for a small moving company to move him but mywife had to step in an insist we help so he is renting a U Hail and I will be humping his shot up 2-3 flights of stairs!

Make him pay a buddy or two of his to hump the stuff!!!! It's not worth killing your back and being out of work.

Well at least you are rid of this drama,hope you'll have a great Christmas season,lord knows you deserve it.

quote:

The only issue I have now is that he was perfectly willing to pay for a small moving company to move him but mywife had to step in an insist we help so he is renting a U Hail and I will be humping his shot up 2-3 flights of stairs!

Sounds like she'd be humping that shit up 3 flights.

But all it all, if that is your only scar, you got off easy.

You can even ask your daughter if she will help. Not required, but her payback will be the house to herself.