Uhh no.

quote:

Originally posted by mcrimm:
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.

Don't. I've already chaptered enough of my Soldiers for coming up hot on a urinalysis.

quote:

Originally posted by PASig:
If he stays longer than "2 months", let him know in no uncertain terms he WILL pay rent to you.

A friend of mine told me a while back that when her mother-in-law came to stay, it was to be "only for a month." It's been two years now. My friend is, um, "less than enthused."

That is what mothers do...they coddle their kids especially sons when remarried. I have seen this situation many times and have been involved in it as well.
The more you "seem" to be against him, the more his mother will be for him.

Helping him is ok, just hope it turns out ok for you.

You got money for pot, you got money for a place. Get to steppin'.

quote:

Originally posted by Aquabird:
That is what mothers do...they coddle their kids especially sons when remarried. I have seen this situation many times and have been involved in it as well.
The more you "seem" to be against him, the more his mother will be for him.

Helping him is ok, just hope it turns out ok for you.

"His Mom has coddled him his whole life", not when remarried. I have no tolerance for spoiled rotten brats. See this with my own eyes, also.

I think I am going to run this like an episode of Big Brother.....there will be daily challenges and if he fails he will be publicly shamed and or voted out....put some web cams in, sell sponsorships!

Please heed this advice, it's proven track record for many in your situation.

Have a family meeting (wife, step-son, daughter) up front so all expectations are clear.

Ensure he signs a M2M renter's agreement with you and your wife. 30day notice is what you'll provide him
of either cancellation or rental fee increases with termination clauses for violating specific parameters e.g., drug use. Lay out your guidelines of expectation. It's YOUR home, not his. He is a guest that pays rent.

In writing inform him rent is $500 per month. The first month you and your wife will subsidize the rent $450; he owes you $50 (up front, of course). 2nd month you subsidize $400; he owes you $100. 3rd month you subsidize $200; he owes you $300. 4th month you subsidize $50; he owes you $450. 5th month the rent is $700 (welcome to the real world!)

He should move by month 4. Without him knowing, tell your wife up front, that your going to take the money he paid you and buy him a Walmart gift card. Give him that his first week out of the house.

You and your wife have to be on the same page.

Remember this isn't just helping your stepson, this most certainly is a teaching moment for your daughter. "We love you, we're here for you BUT, it's our responsibility to raise you to be responsible productive adults".

Letting a 26 year old man who smokes(?) pot move back home is a bad idea. This will eventually crash and burn (figuratively). Remember, you heard it here first!

If he can't afford his bills he can't afford to smoke pot.

I feel for you,went thru that with step son also.
Finally when the little prick stole his moms diamond ear rings she kicked the little pot smoker to the curb.
They never change,when he came to his moms funeral he was wearing shorts and was whacked out his gourd

quote:

Originally posted by Loaded Round:
Before I let him move in, I would just give him the first 2 or 3 months rent....wave as he leaves.

It can be really hard to get people to leave.

Good Luck

This. And tell him after that money is gone, he's on his own, so he better find a job.

It's the very best solution for all involved.

I'm with several others here. I would help him find an apartment that was best suited to his budget and help him into that apartment with deposit and a couple months rent. If his moving back in becomes a problem it will be a problem between you and your wife, not him.

quote:

Originally posted by Krazeehorse:
I'm with several others here. I would help him find an apartment that was best suited to his budget and help him into that apartment with deposit and a couple months rent. If his moving back in becomes a problem it will be a problem between you and your wife, not him.

THIS. Much better to lose a little bit of money on him, than to have a LOT of disconnect with your wife.....get him into some craphole.....and let him pay the rent and figure it out.....from what you've said between the weed, your daughter, and everything else, it will be a major source of frustration from the very first day that he moves into your home and you'll have hell to pay to get him out of there.

Grrrr, Mr. Negative here. My stepson, the bum is 40! His lazy ass hits his Ma up for 10 or 20 bucks every 4 or 5 days. I cannot bear the sight of him & he very well knows how I feel. My bride knows my feelings as well. I wish you & your step son the best.

quote:

Originally posted by mcrimm:
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.

Awful advice.

Why should he be made a problem for the military to deal with?

The military doesn't teach anyone discipline. It can bring out the discipline already inside of someone but the military can't make someone something they are not.

He will cause nothing but problems for himself (dishonorable or other than honorable discharge, UCMJ, etc.), his fellow troops (group punishment which leads to blanket parties) and his chain of command.

A dishonorable or OTH discharge from the military is pretty much as bad as a felony.

If he can afford to buy pot - he can afford to pay for some of the stuff he uses at the house. That's for sure.

I always wonder about people needing help ($) and smoking weed or tobacco at the same time... If you need money-the first thing you do is cut out the expendable stuff.

quote:

Originally posted by Edmond:

quote:

Originally posted by mcrimm:
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.

Awful advice.

Why should he be made a problem for the military to deal with?

The military doesn't teach anyone discipline. It can bring out the discipline already inside of someone but the military can't make someone something they are not.

He will cause nothing but problems for himself (dishonorable or other than honorable discharge, UCMJ, etc.), his fellow troops (group punishment which leads to blanket parties) and his chain of command.

A dishonorable or OTH discharge from the military is pretty much as bad as a felony.

I hear that the French Foreign Legion is recruiting.

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:
Apparently my 26 year old stepson's relationship went south and he cannot afford apartment alone so his is moving in for supposedly 2 months to save some $$$$ and find a new apartment.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against helping my kids and I know this has been rough on him however, that said, I am bracing myself for a shit show.

His Mom has coddled him his whole life and I have already received the lecture about being nice to him while he is staying with us. MY reply was that I have zero issue helping him out for TWO months and will not charge him rent (insert seperate arguement here) BUT I have certain expectations:

1) He cleans up after himself

2) He either buys his own food and supplies or replaces what he uses without being told or chased.

3) As he enjoys his pot he needs to understand that there is a zero tolerance drug policy and that extends to him coming home smelling like he spilled out of Cheech and Chongs van.

My wife thinks I am being an asshole (except for number 3) but I am holding my ground. My 16 year old daughter is pissed because it will be awkward for her to have friends over now and this is not fair to her.

I already see the writing on the wall and know this is going to turn into 3-6 months unless I put a boot firmly up his ass.

It's always somehting....

Could be worse! My youngest grandson moved in here more than a year ago. Without my knowledge or agreement. I was never consulted.

Mrs. Elk let him use her car. He got drunker than $500 dollars (to quote a DI friend of mine years ago) and wrecked it. Fortunately no real damage, but the cops hauled him in, went to trial, Fine and court costs of $800.

Since he lost his license she acts like his personal driver. He pays nothing towards the gasoline, or his living expenses here. He collects more than $800 per month in military disability payments and as far as I can determine has not saved a dime. His driver's license had 11, out of 12, points against it. He will get his license back in early January.

And "grandma" buys all his special foods. Not that he needs special foods, but he likes certain stuff, like pulled pork, certain deserts.

He buys lots of that expensive energy drink shit but only consumes about half, on average, and the rest gets thrown away.

All the above is just a brief summary.

She has driven him to VA facilities in Fredricksburg and Richmond for all his medical appointments. Which run about twice a week on average.


Oh, and guess who fronted the money for his fine?

Oh, and he has had several LARGE tattoos done as well. And those ain't cheap, either.

Not to mention the $700+ metal detector he bought to search for civil war bullets, etc. And used the hell out of it for about a week, and it has been sitting in the laundry room for the last several months.