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A question of what's right and proper Login/Join 
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Picture of vthoky
posted
Good evening, SF. As usual, I'm here with a question.

First, the setup: A couple I know planned a vacation in Cancun. They had contributed equally to an account to fund the trip. During the time between planning/booking the trip and actually going, the relationship came upon bad times. A couple of weeks before planned departure, Mr told Mrs, "I'm not going. Find someone else to go with you." Many tense discussions followed. Mrs begged Mr to go, and Mr refused, not wanting to bring a miserable vacation upon the both of them.

Shortly after, Mrs asked BFF (a female) to go and BFF agreed. Come trip date, Mrs and BFF went. Mr stayed stateside and visited friends and family (lots of driving).

Some time after the trip, more tense discussions were taking place between Mr and Mrs. Mr elected to use that time to bring up the question, "Hey, has BFF got any plan for reimbursing some of that trip cost?" Hilarity did not ensue.

The claim Mrs makes is that, "BFF can't afford a trip like that! You gave it up, the burden is on you."

The claim Mr makes is that, "Surely to Goodness BFF doesn't expect me to fund her vacation! You're telling me it never occurred to BFF that it would be the right thing to do to pay at least some of that back? BFF thinks that trip was just a gift from Good Ol' Mr?"

Ever-opinionated

Question:
What's the right thing here?

Choices:
Mrs is right: Mr should bear the loss.
Mr is right: BFF should reimburse (at least some significant portion).
Other (please explain).

 



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Posts: 7441 | Location: Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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As explained, the trip is on Mr.




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Posts: 11617 | Registered: September 21, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by old rugged cross:
As explained, the trip is on Mr.


That is how I see it too.

Mr has no expectation of compensation.




 
Posts: 10335 | Location: Westminster, Colorado | Registered: June 18, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Info Guru
Picture of BamaJeepster
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Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.



“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”
- John Adams
 
Posts: 26197 | Location: TN/KY | Registered: June 29, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The success of a solution usually depends upon your point of view
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Not enough information. It would depend on the specifics of the conversation when Mr told Mrs to find someone else to go.

If the trip was paid for, and Mr said find someone to go in his place, and Mrs did what he told her to do, then I would think Mr is out some money.

Either way, unless Mrs told BFF up front that BFF would need to pay for the trip, then either Mr loses out or Mrs comes up with the money.



“Banning guns is like banning forks in an attempt to stop making people fat.” - Vince Vaughn

 
Posts: 2418 | Location: Jacksonville, FL | Registered: September 10, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I voted Mrs is right.
Mr. chose not to go, maybe a chance to patch things up was missed, his choice not to go, he has to pay.
 
Posts: 2515 | Location: west 'by god' virginia | Registered: May 30, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oh stewardess,
I speak jive.
Picture of 46and2
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quote:
Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.

Yep. Givers remorse.

Had the conversation occurred beforehand it would be a different story.
 
Posts: 21668 | Registered: March 12, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of dsiets
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quote:
Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.


+2
He said to take someone else so she did. Then AFTER the fact, he mentions money.
 
Posts: 4285 | Location: MI | Registered: May 22, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Little ray
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Picture of jhe888
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quote:
Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.


Agreed. You can't ask for payment after you made her the offer.




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
 
Posts: 44373 | Location: Texas | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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If Mr. BFF wanted to be reimbursed, he should have made the arrangements with the person who was going in his place. Tough tacos.
 
Posts: 9391 | Registered: August 22, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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He sounds like a weasel dick to me.


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Posts: 2436 | Location: Sunnyside of Louisville | Registered: July 04, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
He sounds like a weasel dick to me.


No more like a douchenozzle.
 
Posts: 2512 | Location: MS GULF COAST | Registered: January 02, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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OP, do you see where this is going?

In the words of my daughter at age 11: suck it up, buttercup.


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Posts: 6580 | Location: Raleighwood | Registered: June 27, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by jhe888:
quote:
Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.


Agreed. You can't ask for payment after you made her the offer.


This. I suspect the BFF bought some meals and contributed financially while on the trip. Not enough to cover airfare or rooms but some. Mr's real problem is that he regrets what he said n anger and sees he's screwed up.



“The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful.”
― H.L. Mencken
 
Posts: 4762 | Location: Outside Seattle | Registered: November 29, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Not really from Vienna
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quote:
Originally posted by dsiets:
quote:
Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.


+2
He said to take someone else so she did. Then AFTER the fact, he mentions money.


Yep




 
Posts: 20915 | Location: Young American Teen Club | Registered: January 30, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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VThokey:

Your bud "Mr." is wrong, no matter how much in the right he is.

Tell him to "Suck it up like a fucking Frogman" and let it go.



(* I'm watching Lone Survivor and that statement, among others, resonates with me, even though I'm no where near near as tough as those men).



Nice is overrated

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Posts: 26074 | Location: Loudoun County, Virginia | Registered: May 17, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of vthoky
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quote:
Originally posted by craigcpa:
OP, do you see where this is going?

In the words of my daughter at age 11: suck it up, buttercup.


I do believe I see a pattern! Big Grin



Support our troops, and our veterans.
Go Hokies!
New favorite quote from the golf course: "It's not the club, son."
 
Posts: 7441 | Location: Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Is the BFF hawt? There may be room for negotiation.


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Posts: 8765 | Location: Florida | Registered: June 23, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Other.

Mr. should have brought it up and discussed terms prior to BFF accepting vacation.

BFF might have offered a partial compensation up front irrespective of Mr. proposing terms.

Children in adult bodies any way you slice it.

After the fact is NOT the time to discuss these details.
 
Posts: 2129 | Registered: May 28, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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BFF had to know that taking a "free" trip to Cancun wasn't right. It wasn't her money that paid for it and she knew it. The right thing for her to do would be to reimburse Mr. (in part or in full) for the trip.

There is no such thing as a free lunch. I wouldn't have taken the trip expecting it to be free.


________________________________________________________

"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy." Winston Churchill
 
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