I think Mr should have requested his money back when he backed out if his intention was a refund. If the funds were sunk and not refundable, then it was forfeited when he suggested someone else go in his place without immediately and explicitly indicating that someone purchase his reservation.

If he expected money, he should have sold the reservations to someone himself. Regarding the BFF, "we have these travel reservations and Mr decided not to go. Wanna come in his place? Tix are already paid for." To me, that would sound like a gift, especially if it's commonly known the bff couldn't otherwise afford it.

I vote other. If he expected the other person to pay for his half, he should have made it clear from the beginning.

All Mr. said was, "I'm not going. Find someone else to go with you."

She found someone else to go with her. Period.

Trying to make the BFF pay after the fact is ptting the BFF on the spot. If the BFF knew beforehand she was going to pay, then she could have elected not to go or go.

I that people who just simply assume and put burdens on others after the fact.

quote:

"I'm not going. Find someone else to go with you."

Sounds like he gave up the money to me but I'd have to hear more to be sure.

Exactly what was said during "tense discussions"?

Hmmm..... the right thing to do was to blow off the trip altogether. No one go.
But, since that did not happen, the Dude loses.

Mr. Gave it up; his loss.

BFF should have offered, before the trip, to reimburse to the level of her ability, although if it was offered to her as "Mr. had these tickets and reservations and doesn't want them, he told me to take someone else, do you want to go?" It's pretty hard to fault her.

They're both wrong. The discussion should have happened before the trip, not after.

Mr and Mrs need to work it out between themselves, it is unfair for the friend to have the squeeze put on her after the fact if she was offered a free trip. Every cruise ship has passengers who could not afford it and would not be there had they not been given free passage from a friend or relative, so it's a common enough occurrence. He needs to let it go.

I would prepare myself to cover the cost of the trip.

That being said I believe it speaks to the lack of character from the BFF that there was no offer to compensate in some kind of way. Even A token of thanks or a gesture that let you know what the vacation meant to BFF.

From the limited evidence presented it sounds like Mr. is being a royal jerk--twice (at least).

Can't believe this wasn't discussed ahead of time.

-------------------------------

Mr. should have discussed costs to the trip PRIOR to the BFF going with Mrs.

Trip is on him and he's an ass for bringing it up after the fact. He's just contributing to the already problem in his relationship...

Doesn't matter what's right and proper. There's not enough evidence here to really know and I suspect unless you're Mr, you probably don't know either. There is no telling what was said when you weren't around.

The best advice I can offer is stay out of this. It's going to be messy and you don't want to get in the middle of it by offering a judgement one way or another. Be supportive of your friend, but let him make his own decisions.

Was there absolutely no discussions before the trip took place.

This is when such a discussions should have happened. It a shitty position to bring this up after. I would expect the BFF would have asked before the trip if any payment was expected before agreeing to go on the trip.

This sounds like a mess all around.

quote:

Originally posted by JohnCourage:
I would prepare myself to cover the cost of the trip.

That being said I believe it speaks to the lack of character from the BFF that there was no offer to compensate in some kind of way. Even A token of thanks or a gesture that let you know what the vacation meant to BFF.

Yeah, but we don't KNOW what Mrs told BFF. If Mrs said "Hey, free trip - wanna go?", then BFF is under NO obligation to pay back. Maybe BFF DID offer Mrs financial compensation, but Mrs turned it down? We don't know.

There is simply not enough info to form an informed decision. We are all filling in the blanks with our own guesses and suppositions; many of which are false.

Sounds like what we do know is that Mrs didn't expect bff to pay. Nuff said?

quote:

Originally posted by jbcummings:

...The best advice I can offer is stay out of this. It's going to be messy and you don't want to get in the middle of it by offering a judgement one way or another. Be supportive of your friend, but let him make his own decisions.

Yep. What we have here is a failure to communicate, don't get dragged into it.

Like previously mentioned, if Mr wanted some reimbursement it needed brought up first. Then I would have some sympathy for the request.

Asking afterwards might be OK, but you'd have to accept the answer.

All I can say is that if I was BFF and knew I'd be travelling on the money MR had contributed to the trip fund, I'd have been, like, "yeah, thanks, but NOOOOOO."

Whether or not MR is a jerkoff doesn't really have any bearing on it to me. No way I'd have put myself in the middle of that shit.

I agree, Mr. Dude got it wrong.

He should be glad Mrs. picked a girlfriend when he told her "Find someone else to go."

All I got is a divorce is in the works shortly.
Happen to me after 20 years,separate vacations mean someone is fooling around.