quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:
BFF had to know that taking a "free" trip to Cancun wasn't right. It wasn't her money that paid for it and she knew it. The right thing for her to do would be to reimburse Mr. (in part or in full) for the trip.

There is no such thing as a free lunch. I wouldn't have taken the trip expecting it to be free.

This is where I'm camping. While there is no legal ground to stand on for Mr, there is no way a moral person would take something and not offer even a partial compensation. The question is "what is right and proper" not "what can someone get away with".

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there is no way a moral person would take something and not offer even a partial compensation.

False. If wife offered it as a gift there's no reason not to take it.

The douchy move is asking for payment after the fact.

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Originally posted by tanksoldier:

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there is no way a moral person would take something and not offer even a partial compensation.

False. If wife offered it as a gift there's no reason not to take it.

The douchy move is asking for payment after the fact.

Exactly right.

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Originally posted by tanksoldier:
False. If wife offered it as a gift there's no reason not to take it.

A gift?

Who offers (or receives) a gift valued at several thousand dollars? That BFF didn't get to the bottom of this beforehand and simply jumped on it, speaks to her character.

If it was a $150 trip to Vegas you may have a point, but not here.

quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:

quote:

Originally posted by tanksoldier:
False. If wife offered it as a gift there's no reason not to take it.

A gift?

Who offers (or receives) a gift valued at several thousand dollars? That BFF didn't get to the bottom of this beforehand and simply jumped on it, speaks to her character.

If it was a $150 trip to Vegas you may have a point, but not here.

You're making some gross assumptions. How do you know that the BFF didn't repeatedly ask to pay something, but the Mrs. firmly shot her down and assured her it was all taken care of?

Maybe the BFF actually couldn't even afford to take off from work to go, but she did so anyway for her friend who was begging her not to let her go alone.

Many assumptions to be made here. It's unfair to say the BFF is of low character. She didn't ask for this and is not obligated in any way to pay anything if an agreement to make a payment wasn't made beforehand.

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Originally posted by Balzé Halzé:
She didn't ask for this ...

Yes, she did ask for this by accepting the "gift".

Should BFF have addressed this ahead of time instead of assuming the trip would be free? Yes. But husband should have too, and when parties are equally at fault the one who wants something from the other loses.

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And if I can find another one of those bottle openers, I'll send it to you!

I would love to continue opening beers to the VT fight song!!

Way too much information not in evidence. If Mr. Just said go and did ask to be reimbursed upfront, then he is at the very least being uncouth if he is asking to be reimbursed after the fact.

As to the BFF, there is a whole range of ways the situation could have been represented to her, from receiving a gift to doing a huge favor for a friend. Without knowing how it was presented, it is hard to say what her most appropriate response would be. For that matter, we don't know what her response was.

Heck, if the couple is really on the outs, Mrs. could have received some payment from the BFF, perhaps even the whole cost of Mr.'s ticket and socked it away. *I am ABSOLUTELY NOT accusing Mrs. of this, but it is possible.*. There is a whole lot that we just don't know about how it was presented to BFF, what she offered to pay, what expenses she paid on the trip, etc. I believe that there is not nearly enough information to comment one way or the other on BFF's actions.

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Originally posted by slosig:
Way too much information not in evidence. If Mr. Just said go and did ask to be reimbursed upfront, then he is at the very least being uncouth if he is asking to be reimbursed after the fact.

As to the BFF, there is a whole range of ways the situation could have been represented to her, from receiving a gift to doing a huge favor for a friend. Without knowing how it was presented, it is hard to say what her most appropriate response would be. For that matter, we don't know what her response was.

Heck, if the couple is really on the outs, Mrs. could have received some payment from the BFF, perhaps even the whole cost of Mr.'s ticket and socked it away. *I am ABSOLUTELY NOT accusing Mrs. of this, but it is possible.*. There is a whole lot that we just don't know about how it was presented to BFF, what she offered to pay, what expenses she paid on the trip, etc. I believe that there is not nearly enough information to comment one way or the other on BFF's actions.

THis is the most reasonable post so far...

If you expect to be reimbursed in ANY WAY for a gift, or anything close to a gift, then the discussion needs to happen BEFORE any invite happens, much less the actual "giving" of the gift.

Would it be fair to buy a gun for your best friend, wait til you both go to the range and put 200 rounds through it and say "Glad you like it bro, that will be 500 bucks!"

No... That would be ultimate douchebaggery.

Relationship troubles suck... Tell me about it... But if you expect something in return at least have the decency to not be a passive/aggressive idiot and put it all on the line up front.

The guy should have stated his ground rules, and the girl should have both asked about ground rules, and attempted clarity.

Your girl should have had reservations about accepting such a gift, and questioned it... but when it all comes down to it...

A gift is a gift is a gift.

If no agreement was made beforehand, the it was just that, a gift.

Next time, pick smarter friends who think before showing their asses.

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Originally posted by sjtill:
I would love to continue opening beers to the VT fight song!!

You got it, Dr. T!

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Originally posted by slosig:
Way too much information not in evidence. (snip) I believe that there is not nearly enough information to comment one way or the other on BFF's actions.

True.

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Originally posted by KevinCW:
The guy should have stated his ground rules, and the girl should have both asked about ground rules, and attempted clarity.

Your girl should have had reservations about accepting such a gift, and questioned it...

I'll agree with this, too.

- - -

As it stands, it appears Mrs said, essentially, "No way! BFF can't afford that!"
To which Mr said something like, "Does BFF expect someone else to pay for her vacation?" (After seeing that Mrs and BFF were already planning next year's vacations....)

"And that's when the fight started."

Sometimes, it's good to just be a spectator.

Mr. should have went. There's PLENTY of hookers and blow in Cancun!

Given the way other things around him have unfolded in the past 17 days, yes, Mr should have gone. Doing so may have avoided or prevented some recent "unfavorable events" in his world.

Fella's having a rough time of it these days.

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Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.

All of that plus a big cup of walking around nekkid all week in the room with someone I'm no longer dating for good measure.

I think Mr. knows exactly what he's doing and he probably thinks this is going to strain their friendship when he's really just distancing himself from Mrs. Moreover, her friend has witnessed what a dick this guy is and it will likely influence any advice she gives Mrs. about him moving forward.

quote:

Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Any payment should have been discussed BEFORE the trip. If the story happened the way it's described, the Mr gave the trip away. What an idiot.

This. Mr made his bed, sleep in it. If he thought that there should be compensation the time for that discussion was before he told Mrs to find someone to take his spot, not after.

I'd walk away. Like selling a losing stock. Move on and put it behind you imo.

I say he's SOL. Wife gave it as a gift to her BFF and to ask for money after is bad form

Several times in the last few years my wife, who doesn't work, has taken our kids on various vacations usually to family in far flung places. Mainly becuse my job is very stressful and demanding and getting time off of more than a day or 2 is a PITA and must be planned out many months in advance.

On not such a large $$ scale, I have routinely benefitted from friends needing to unload sports or concert tickets ( that I otherwise wouldn't have attended) and I hand my wife have also given away single and sets of sports and concert tickets that I or we couldn't attend and wouldn't want to see the tickets go to waste.

Now I can't imagine the BFF didn't buy quite a bit of the meals and drinks while they were away. I know when a friend has called me very last minute and says can you go to a Giants game tonight, my treat becuse somebody else flaked and I happen to work blocks from the ball field, out of courtesy o will buy him his hotdog and beer. It's not full compensation but it's an effort to say thanks.

lots of shoulds...

-Mr should have made it clear it wasn't a free trip.
-Mr should not be butthurt that he's on the hook.
-BFF should have offered to pay some/all.

to quote the captain, "what we've got here is a failure to communicate."

quote:

Originally posted by Dead_Eye:
I think Mr. knows exactly what he's doing and he probably thinks this is going to strain their friendship when he's really just distancing himself from Mrs. Moreover, her friend has witnessed what a dick this guy is and it will likely influence any advice she gives Mrs. about him moving forward.

I sense some serious insight here....