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So I'm 48 divorced, and recently started dating a 38 year old woman with two kids - 8 and 9 or so.

She's a single parent and her ex is not around so she always has her kids. Ok, that is understandable and just something to work around. We talk on the phone in the evenings and it's like listening in on total chaos.

Her kids are out of control and use that exaggerated scream/whine for EVERY DAMN THING. Everything they are told to do they say "no" and try to negotiate every issue. Every parent knows these noises/behaviors, and those that allow it get more and more of it, while those of us that don't allow it put a stop to it quickly. I didn't permit it and my son and he never did it. Simple - expectation/consequence.

Then, while wearing her AirPods while talking to me, she randomly yells at her kids for whatever stupid shit they are doing. Does she mute the phone? No. Does she say "excuse me I need to deal with my kids"? No. So I randomly hear screaming that I have no idea what it is for, and barely understand what she is saying.

In the old days, we would put a hand over the receiver mic to muffle the sound, or other method to insulate the listener. You know, basic courtesy? At least say "hold on a minute", and not scream at other people into the phone.

But you know, her misbehaving kids are "her life" and she has no ability to correct their behavior in any manner that actually has an effect. And after a few dates she asks "when can you be around the kids to make it easier?" I am of the opinion that kids are out of the picture until a stable relationship is established and committed to. But I have told her, I don't tolerate this crap and if/when I am around them so she had better do something about it sooner than later.

This is not the first time I have seen this, and it seems to be more the norm than the exception for this age group, sadly.
Posts: 2616 | Location: Indiana | Registered: December 28, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Am The Walrus
posted Hide Post
You may as well just cut off communication with her now. She’s not going to change or alter her kids behavior because of you. This will go nowhere. Those kids are a problem because of her. She raised them to be like that.


Posts: 11264 | Location: All over | Registered: March 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Sounds like a mess. Also sounds like you’ll be parting ways soon.
Posts: 3770 | Location: Peoples Republic of Berkeley | Registered: June 12, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Eye on the
Silver Lining
posted Hide Post
Sounds like she has her hands full already.

Also sounds like you have very different parenting styles.
Move on.


"Trust, but verify."
Posts: 4320 | Registered: October 24, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Three Generations
of Service
Picture of PHPaul
posted Hide Post
There would never have been a second date under those circumstances, no matter how hot she was.

Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Posts: 13239 | Location: Downeast Maine | Registered: March 10, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
slam fires
Picture of 45 Cal
posted Hide Post
Run away,don't just walk away.
I have seen this problem with my oldest son,he just can't stay away from the types of ladies and their spoiled brats.
Posts: 22191 | Location: Georgia | Registered: February 19, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of P210
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It has been almost 20 years since Consumer Reports reviewed girlfriends
(CR, Aug 1972). Since then, styles have changed, features have been
introduced, and the market has changed substantially. Clearly, another
report was long overdue.

Identifying Your Needs

As with any major purchase, before obtaining a girlfriend you
should ask yourself exactly why you need one. Do you want an
intellectual companion? A baby factory? A hiking partner? Or just
lots of good, old-fashioned sex? Identifying your needs is the
first, and most important, step in selecting a girlfriend.

The potential girlfriends you see in most showrooms tend to be
loaded with the usual flashy accessories -- large breasts, long
legs, nice butts, etc. However, there is also a wide variety of
accessories designed to appeal to fringe markets. For example, some
models come pre-equipped with pets and/or children; others can run
10 miles while chanting Sanskrit. You should make a list of
accessories desired, tolerated, and disliked. Note that some
accessories (such as children) can be added later, while others
(such as a large bosom) must be factory-installed.

Determine Your Budget

The second question, of course, is what sort of girlfriend you can
afford. The answer is largely determined by your physical and
personal characteristics. If you are good-looking and have a
commanding personality and a good sense of humor, you will have the
resources to obtain a fancy, high-end model. On the other hand, if
you are ugly, smell bad, and wear polyester clothes, your choices are
more limited. Keep your purchasing power in mind when considering
your selection.

Although the salesman will tell you that a girlfriend can be
financed, CR does not recommend this practice due to inflating
expectations, the required monetary outlay will actually *increase*
with time.

Used vs. New?

A question many girlfriend seekers have to address is whether to get
a new or used girlfriend. The answer to this question will, roughly
speaking, be determined by your age:

Your age Used or New
-------- -----------
13-18 years New
19-30 years Lightly used
31-45 years Extensively used
45+ New***

***Only if income exceeds $250,000/year.
Otherwise, "Divorced, with kids."

New girlfriends offer the advantage of having no previous bad
experiences to project upon you. The disadvantage is that they will
rarely be old enough to open a checking account. Used girlfriends,
on the other hand, tend to be steady, reliable performers, with the
initial problems worked out. CR does advise that you use caution
when choosing models that have significantly higher than average
mileage (2.1 SO's/yr). This may be an indication that the girlfriend
was a professional.

CR's Methodology

For our purposes, girlfriends were evaluated by a dedicated group of
10 test engineers, selected to typify the average male population.
All tests were performed at CR's specially constructed facility,
which included a bedroom, kitchen, and living room, and at a number
of bars and taverns surrounding the facility. A series of seven
tests were run, evaluating each product according to the following

intelligence, wit, humor, empathy, initiative, looks, and performance.


Girlfriends are categorized by similarity. Within each category,
variation is not statistically significant.

Category Comments
------------- ----------------
Goddess This is the woman of your dreams. She comes
equipped with all of the options you want and
none of the ones you don't. She can argue
subtle points of philosophy, give you a stiff
game of racquetball, understand what you mean
even if you don't say it, and break a bed
with her enthusiasm. No mental or physical
hang-ups. The drawback is that this model is
not actually available.

Goddess- This model is similar to the Goddess, but comes
in-law with contractual retainers, such as a psychotic
ex-husband, a spiteful mother, an alcoholic
father, and a bratty kid. This model tends to
generate grey hairs.

Ms. Right The best all-around choice for most girlfriend
situations. Has most of the characteristics
of the Goddess except possibly in the wrong
size or hair color. Other than that, an
excellent long-term investment. Availability is
extremely limited but can occasionally be found
with luck.

Babe This is the flashy, fully-loaded variety with all
the options. Unfortunately this model lacks
cognitive powers and empathy. Showy, suitable
for a parade or for impressing your friends, but
not for your long-term girlfriend needs.

Friend The model with the most empathy. Caring and kind
but tends to be aesthetically lacking.
Availability is poor to fair depending on

Yeah, Her The Chevy Nova of girlfriends. Widely available,
but useful only in a pinch, if no others are
available. Tends to be spiteful or
unreliable, with a dull finish.

Until you find her, we at CR wish you Happy Hunting!
Posts: 6706 | Location: Maui, HI | Registered: December 15, 1999Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
Stay away.....far away.
Posts: 1343 | Registered: August 25, 2018Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Eye on the
Silver Lining
posted Hide Post
That was frickin’ hilarious! Cool

But why were there 2 models named Goddess?


"Trust, but verify."
Posts: 4320 | Registered: October 24, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of P210
posted Hide Post
Originally posted by irreverent:
That was frickin’ hilarious! Cool

But why were there 2 models named Goddess?

It’s old and unfortunately it’s the only version I could locate online and is not the original. There are changes that were not for the better.
Posts: 6706 | Location: Maui, HI | Registered: December 15, 1999Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
I see this all the time . Kids running the household and parents making hollow threats and having to negotiate compliance . A lot of these kids are going to have a hard time dealing with the real world when get older because they don't understand the meaning of NO and have always prevailed in every situation .
Posts: 2014 | Location: The deep South | Registered: February 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Just stop. And for fucks sake don’t get her pregnant. How many times do you have to hit your thumb with a hammer before you figure out it hurts?
Posts: 3485 | Registered: June 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posted Hide Post
This is as good as it gets. Run don't walk away, run.

You'll end up fighting against all 3 of them.

Good luck you'll need it. It should be right, if not move on quickly.


The butcher with the sharpest knife has the warmest heart.
Posts: 12780 | Location: Bottom of Lake Washington | Registered: March 06, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Krazeehorse
posted Hide Post
Saw this on the Kimber forum this morning....
I think we can conclude that the “time out” generation didn’t produce as good of citizens as the “ass beating” generation.


"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 4624 | Location: Ohio | Registered: December 27, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of sourdough44
posted Hide Post
One has to be careful getting between the potential new squeeze & her kids, a minefield.

A guy I know got married a year ago, both over 60. It was his 2nd time, her 1st, she has no kids.

I’m not saying it can’t be done, people do it all the time. One just has to proceed with caution & discuss ahead of time. Normally her loyalty will always be stronger toward her kids than a new guy in her life.
Posts: 4588 | Location: WI | Registered: February 29, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Spread the Disease
Picture of flesheatingvirus
posted Hide Post
If you are not VERY, CERTAINLY interested, I would also stop now.


-- Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. --
Posts: 15632 | Location: New Mexico | Registered: October 14, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I had an electrical vendor we used quite a bit who taught a "Life Skills" course after hours at a local church. Took the course myself - 30 weeks, well worth the time. Got a LOT out of it, made huge improvements in the way my wife & I interact.

A co-worker & I had been talking about the course, he had a girl he was dating who had some similar child / parenting issues, my co-worker was curious what the electrical vendor would advise about his chances & how he should handle the dating situation should it become more involved.

The advice that I was given to pass along to the co-worker after I described some of the challenges that were evident "Run away screaming" Eek

America, Land of the Free - because of the Brave
Posts: 1772 | Location: Goodbye so. Fla. | Registered: January 26, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Picture of Perception
posted Hide Post
Differences in parenting styles has brought many otherwise healthy relationships to an end. Ask yourself, do you really want to jump into one where you already know your parenting styles are at odds and a big part of what she wants from you in the relationship is for you to jump in and "make it easier" on her? I think at the bare minimum you need to have a serious conversation with her about what you've said here.

"The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."
"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."
"I did," said Ford, "it is."
"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"
"It honestly doesn't occur to them. They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates the government they want."
"You mean they actually vote for the lizards."
"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."
"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"
"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard, then the wrong lizard might get in."
Posts: 2860 | Location: Two blocks from the Center of the Universe | Registered: December 30, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Green grass and
high tides
Picture of old rugged cross
posted Hide Post
Yep, everyone is right. There is no remedy and you will be the bad guy. No matter how good it is. It will get really ugly in the not to distant future with that trio. Call it good and bye is my advice.

"Practice like you want to play in the game"
Posts: 15415 | Registered: September 21, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The cake is a lie!
Picture of Nismo
posted Hide Post
Originally posted by Lefty Sig:
And after a few dates she asks "when can you be around the kids to make it easier?"


It is possible she could be over playing the damsel in distress angle looking for your sympathy in hopes you're her knight in shining armor.
Posts: 6694 | Location: CA | Registered: April 08, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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