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Waiting for Hachiko |
I will not elaborate, since my thoughts have been covered by others. I do hope you will heed all this advice. I married a gal with a young son. Looking back,it worked worked out many years later. But there were some rough years too,as my step son saw ( which Was as it should be) his father for 13 years, and there was a lot see saw disciplie. The saving grace was, my wife was a strict disciplinarian, both with my step son and our son. Good Luck ! 美しい犬 | |||
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| Member |
It is clear you have different value systems. Just leave at that and state you are too old to change. | |||
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A Grateful American |
Yep! It don't get no Harrier than that... "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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Member |
This might be the first time I've seen SigForum be unanimous. 2020's a strange year. I'm 35 and a "millenial", and I agree with everyone else. It won't get better and her parenting style is an indication of future issues. I wouldn't date her either. __________________________________ An operator is someone who picks up the phone when I dial 0. | |||
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| Member |
I'm in a similar situation with my best friend and his daughter. I completely disapprove of his parenting style to the point where when he has her I've made every excuse in the book not to be around them. I don't know what it is about how children are raised today but I've seen too many whiny, crying children (not babies) and parents that don't nip that behavior in the bud. I also can't stand how kids demand music/videos on their parents' smartphone and the parents hand it over immediately just to shut the kid up. On one hand I enjoy the peace and quiet but on the other the tail is wagging the dog and only sets the bar higher for their future demands. | |||
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Member |
Pull the ripcord now. | |||
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Member |
There's some great lines here: Pull the ripcord now. Yep! It don't get no Harrier than that... Some gals have baggage. This one you're dealing with has a whole fucking freight train! There is no shortage of people on this planet to choose from. You didn't set the house on fire, so you don't need to rescue everyone. so many red flags there you must feel like a bull. you know what to and don't even look back. Impressive. I'm sorry if I hurt you feelings when I called you stupid - I thought you already knew - Unknown ................................... When you have no future, you live in the past. " Sycamore Row" by John Grisham | |||
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Still finding my way |
Lefty Sig, I feel your pain as I am in an almost identical situation with a great woman I'm dating. Her and I really hit it off and spent the first month we dated just talking and laughing with each other almost every day. I fell really hard for her. Then I met the kids. Don't get me wrong as I love kiddos and have two daughters of my own but hers are almost feral and now I'm really having a hard time weighing my very strong feeling for her and my own sanity having to live with the utter chaos of her daily life with the little monsters. Her ex has them every other week so I have a little break in the madness to enjoy my girlfriend as adults but I can't possibly hope to have a serious relationship with her since I have zero desire to be around her kids. | |||
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| Member |
I'm not saying you shouldn't dump her, but in my experience, sometimes the kids are jealous of Moms interest in the new man in her life and they show resentment toward him. Is it jealousy on behalf of the kids, or are they totally out of control? ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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| Still finding my way |
Totally out of control. They actually really like me and always want me to come over when they are at their moms. The hard part is they literally hang off of me from the moment I arrive and beg/whine constantly for me to do every activity under the sun (they are over the ages of 10 and should behave better) and mom doesn't tell them to behave and treat her guest with any semblance of respect. Bed time is a 2 hour ordeal with screaming, crying, and yelling to give one example. EVERY NIGHT.  | |||
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| Member |
Have you discussed this with her in a non-confrontational way? (I know this is a very dangerous discussion). Maybe perhaps offer a few ideas and see if she follows them. Then don't add anymore to the discussion. But that situation sounds like a nightmare that I would want no part of. | |||
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| Still finding my way |
Yeah that's a conversation to tread lightly on.  The nice part is we communicate very well together and I have been a little frank with her about her kids a couple of times. She acknowledged that she disapproved of their behavior but seems unable to get control over them or have them listen to her without repeating herself 12 times. All the while I'm torn. The side of me with the smarts says stay out of it but the other side wants to say "put me in coach, I'll whip them little farts into shape". I'm giving it some time to settle in as I've only been dating her for 3 months and just met the kids a month ago. If it doesn't improve then I'll have to tell her I'm not willing to tolerate that life style and we will have to improvise somehow or move on. | |||
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Member |
I’ll echo some of the others comment to RUN don’t walk AWAY! Things will NOT improve.....only get worse. | |||
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Member |
Ryan...maybe suggest family counseling? Discover ways to address specific issues like going to bed without all the drama. _____________________ Be careful what you tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you. | |||
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| Still finding my way |
Thanks Krazeehorse. Good advice.
That's where I find myself. It's a messed up situation to tell a woman you're crazy about her but her childrens' behavior and differences in how to raise kids is a deal breaker. Good luck. | |||
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| Member |
If you think it is bad now, wait until you try to discipline the children. BTDT Never again | |||
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| Little ray of sunshine  |
Agreed. Take this opportunity to put your foot down about this. Maybe she'll learn to do something about her miserable kids. The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything. | |||
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| Member |
Take it like a man, RUN! Get out of your situation as fast and calm as possible. They’ll all turn on you, blood is thicker than water. | |||
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thin skin can't win |
Haven't y'all read - he doesn't want any advice. You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02 | |||
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| Member |
[quote]ryan...maybe suggest family counseling? Discover ways to address specific issues like going to bed without all the drama. ^^^^^^^^^^^ Somehow I get the feeling that she is not gonna go for this, or anything that suggests she is lacking in the parenting department. | |||
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