cardio

quote:

Originally posted by f2:
cardio

Double tap - no reason to conserve ammo when dealing with monsters

quote:

Originally posted by grumpy1:
Always cut the head off of anyone or anything trying to kill you and you believe they are dead. Cut their limbs off too for good measure and if a wood chipper is nearby use that too.

Then light the remains on fire.

quote:

Originally posted by CD228:

quote:

Originally posted by grumpy1:
Always cut the head off of anyone or anything trying to kill you and you believe they are dead. Cut their limbs off too for good measure and if a wood chipper is nearby use that too.

Then light the remains on fire.

and then nuke the site from orbit.....it is the only way to be sure.

Never back into anything.

quote:

Originally posted by FN in MT:
Many years back, I was sent on a "Mysterious impact, Possible crashed airplane or possibly a meteor impact," call.

That reminds me:

Always try to state to the authorities when contacting them a believable threat to encourage an immediate response and investigation instead of telling them the truth and having them laugh at you and disregard your call completely.

For instance, don't say, "We're being invaded by zombies!" Use: "Downtown is under siege by a riotous mob!" Don't say, "There's a giant mutant creature from outer space preying upon me!" Use: "There's an intruder in my house! Send help immediately!"

Last Cub Scout, that was funny!!!

If you wish to locate the homicidal maniac or slavering evil alien killer that has entered your domicile, there are two surefire strategies:

1. Walk into a darkened kitchen, open refrigerator door, lean into said refrigerator to retrieve desired food or drink. After this process is complete, the bad guy/alien can be located immediately behind the refrigerator door as it closes. If this fails,

2. Walk into your empty bathroom, switch on the light, open the mirrored medicine cabinet door. When you close the medicine cabinet door the killer can be located immediately behind the mirror as it closes.

Be advised that these strategies work best if you are (timewise) closer to the ending credits than the opening credits. If you believe you are closer to the beginning of the action it may be your best friend/cat/annoying sibling that appears behind the door or mirror. However, this will only happen once and once only.

1. Look around you and when you see the most meek, demure person in the movie with you-they're the psycho. Kill them now.

2. If you're about to run away, there's a root. Or a ledge. Or a tree. Something you're about to run into.

3. You can run away for a 20 second sprint, and the killer can be walking casually, but when you get up and look and don't see him coming? Yeah, he's behind you, brah.

If you are going to investigate a noise, take more than a cheap flashlight.

Don't bother trying to flee in a car, it won't start.

Never go back for your girlfriend. You'll die. There's other fish in the sea.

Don't use the sink, bathtub, shower, or toilet. It's in the drain, dummy. One or multiple sensitive orifices of your person will be violated.

Checked the drain already? Oh, it's coming out of the faucet or dropping from the ceiling then.

Don't be the guy wearing a generic ball cap..those guys meet their maker quick.

quote:

Originally posted by jsbcody:

and then nuke the site from orbit.....it is the only way to be sure.

I like how you think. That's also still one of the best movie lines ever.

If you don't know what it is, don't touch it.

If you must go into the dark basement, running down there wearing no shirt but a bra guarentees your death.

When you and some friends party at a rural or lakeside cabin with several cute girls, your odds of dying increase dramatically once you've done the deed with them. Remove condom, go home.

If the hot chic in the group wants to have sex with you, don't do it.

I'm not sure I'm learning the right lessons...

Never open a door, refrigerator or otherwise, and stand in such a way that it blocks the camera's view of the hallway/entrance/room, because when you shut that door, there will be a threat standing immediately next to you, EVEN IF the area was in your peripheral vision.

Maybe it's best to rent sharp garden tools, lawn mowers, chainsaws, etc. rather than keep them in that dark woodshed.

Buy a new Smart Car with a push button start which doesn't require the key to be in the ignition to start. And a plus, when you get in you'll know there ain't nobody hiding in THAT back seat!