The BB gun is not good on people, it works great for zombies, or if you wanna slowly lose humanity pinging Arc in the back of the head with BBs, because though it doesn't kill a person, it still hurts and you're a dickhead for doing it.

I drove around in a bus full of raw beef, and that was only the start of the evening.

I drove a truck into a helicopter with little to no result.

ASG screamed ALOHA SNACKBAR!!

We rode a motorcycle and there was unzipping.

I can't drive for shit.

WAR!

We're at war with Canada, after a lengthy simmering, conflict erupts between members of the NGA and group of snowback tryhard wannabe badasses, flying under the flag of JTF2, like the elite Canadian special forces, after the baby seal punchers attacked us wantonly, and without soy sauce. It's clear I do not know how to use the word "wantonly" without thinking of Chinese food. Speaking of food, the only thing elite about these Soviet Canukistanian terrorists, is their ability to put away Taco Bell, because they are just as fat and smelly as the rest of us.

Apparently they've been dicks, which is atypical of Canadian DayZ players, leading me to believe they're all named “Scott” and were banished from Canadian servers. Scott is a dick.

It was a night like any other, Arc slowly drowning in snot into the mic, myself and Rotty out wandering around along the north coast, a totally not gay bromantic drive in the moonlight, just a Rabbi dressed as a Russian soldier, and his 5.11 catalog model friend, no homo, I swear. Nala was around, and to be fair, she probably started this, because Nala can't play nice with others, it's why we make sure she's on our team. Like having a girl who plays fastpitch on your side in dodgeball, and also she's a sociopath who enjoys hurting people, but she's our fastpitch sociopath.

While coming back from the trader city in Klen, holding hands, Rotty and I passed by one of these filthy swine, I tried ramming him with my Militsiya car, but somehow we missed. We turned around and chased him back, he was either heading to the trader city, or the aircraft dealer.

I pulled off the main road and up the dirt track that leads to the ancient castle that serves as the trader's safe zone. Rotty ejected from the car, instead of, you know, asking me politely to stop so that he could hide in some shrub to ambush the maple-flavored motherfucker. Communication is for nerds.

Unfortunately our quarry was not there, so back down the road I go. Rotty shot at me, because he's a dick too. Luckily I was in my safe space, and so bullets can't hurt, only words. I picked him up and we raced up the road towards the aircraft dealer, there's nowhere else to go up here, all the good gay nightclubs clubs are down in Cherno and Elektro, unless he's up here for some Mr. Hands action, wouldn't surprise me, being locked in a cabin, buried in snow up to your tits, in perpetual darkness for six months a year will produce strangeness that drive men mad. Like poutine and goat fucking.

Good news for the barnyard animals of Chernarus, he was up there buying a helicopter, this time. Next time it could be sheep sex, goddamned Newfies. It was some large, utility helicopter, I think it looks like a Sea King, Nala kept calling it a Merlin, and maybe it was, he would be familiar with it, like how I'm totally familiar with Blackhawks, being an American.

We roll up there and hear the distinctive sound of rotors spinning up, he's fixing to take off. I stop the car and we get out, unfortunately all I've got is an AKS-74U, and them little 5.45s might as well be a BB gun to a Sea Merlin, Rotty had something else, but he's got like a magazine and a half for it, because of course none of you can bring enough bullets for a firefight! Seriously, guys, grab a few more mags. Still, we spooked him good, pinging rounds off the belly of that sky whale.

Soon after that was a server restart, so Rotty and I parked up in some little village to wait it out. When we came back there was some issue with a new Help feature. You scroll your mouse, and the little menu comes up, like for swapping guns, or climbing into vehicles, now there's also a Help option. It mostly helps your game crash. I tried it once, because we all gotta lick a 9volt one time, right? Thunderson kept hitting hit because he has penises for fingers, or something.

After all that, Rotty and I went back up to Klen, if we're gonna go to war, we're gonna want to up our firepower, so I bought myself a PKM and a few hundred rounds. Rotty, I'm sure bought a .22 with four bullets.

We drive off, we know where their base is, they've got a mushroom-shaped abomination near Stary, leading me to believe they're from Nova Scotia. But as we're driving down, we run into an AI patrol in what appears to be a Jackal, it fires at us, making a few hits on my militia car. Rotty bails out because he doesn't know where we're getting shot from, nevermind we're now out of danger, he still bails. He's bad at this. So I too jump out, and attempt to engage the AI with my PKM.

I peek around the corner of a church's courtyard wall, see them standing there, but the Sun is behind them too, blinding me, making it hard to get a bead on them. I lean out and fire off a couple bursts, they fire back, bullets snap by my head, a few hit me, I'm bleeding out my dick. Not because that's where I'm hit, but because anytime you start bleeding it either comes out the front of your pants, or the back. I'm sure there's real deep meaning here, but I need to wrap a bandage around my pecker.

Rotty's over there asking where they're at, and I yell at him, because that's how I communicate, it's how I show I care. I also call him names, this is important to the communication and caring. Mostly calling attention to his stupidity and blindness, since we drove right by the fucker, like it was six inches away from his face.

He's still not seeing it, he's run off in another direction, or something, I've got other things on my plate, like a guy with a machine gun shooting at me. I peek around again and fire off another burst from my Russian Rambomatic, but the robots are ready for me and I take further hits, I black out from the blood loss and pain. All is darkness now, I can hear the bullets snapping, and there's screaming, it takes me a moment to realize that it is me screaming. Rotty still isn't sure where these guys are, THEY'RE PARKED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMNED STREET BY THE CHURCH! Gaaah!

And I am vanquished.

But it's okay, because death means nothing. I parachute in, of course I'm waaaaaay the fuck out in the middle of nowhere, by the edge of the map at the southwest coast. Like I land at a farm and there's nothing else. It's dumb, but I did find a Moist Nugget in the barn, and that makes me feel warm and squishy, because that's the kind of rifle I expect to find in a barn in Chernarus. I don't imagine a lot of farmers have RDS equipped M4s, with underbarrel grenade launchers laying around, but a surplus rifle? Yus.

Still, I am many kilobrosephs from the blaction, and must hoof it. I begin running.

And I ran.

I ran so far away.

I just ran.

I ran all night and day.

Or at least until I got tired of that and pulled a bicycle out of my magic toolbox.

Of course around the next bend I found an abandoned ATV, which is a real nice thing about this server, there are vehicles laying around, it's just great, it makes sense. Something happened, and someone bailed out of their car or ATV. There's a mystery to it, a mystery that will never be solved. Here's a perfectly good GAZ, why did they leave it here? Were they stopped? Was there an emergency? Someone in the car turn into one of the shambling husks we see roaming the countryside? Little brother downloading furry porn caused them to be kicked for high ping? Who knows?

That's neither here nor there though, what's important is I got an ATV. I'll be able to get back into the fight real quick!

Buzzing through a town I spot a bright yellow thing in a field. Is it? Could it be? Yes! Yes, it is a Cessna! Cessnas, in DayZ, are apparently fueled by hand grenades, because when they crash, they explode. Big.

I announce my find, and I will take it and kamikaze into the mushroom castle.

First, I need to figure out how to fly it. I do not fly. I am not a pilot. At all. Usually my piloting results in swearing and shouting, culminating in a high-pitched squeal that soon drives neighborhood dogs mad. Today is no different.

I think I have it, throttle up, start picking up speed, hit what I thought was the elevator key, confusing the ARMA controls with those from GTA, or something, so instead of pulling up, the camera looks up, so I have a lovely view of the blue sky, while I scream, “FUCKFUCKFUCKSSHITWHATSTHEFUCKINGUPKEYFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!?” And then I bonk into some stuff, I'm fulling expecting to level this entire hamlet when my cheerfully colored, prop-powered, man-guided, cruise missile slams into the side of a cabin.

But no, it holds together, and the fuselage is barely damaged. This Cessna is a champ. Finally, I look in the settings to find the correct keys to just sort of get airborne, remember, I don't need to be doing any dogfighting, there's going to be no Immelmans or what have you.

Now, I just need to clear a runway, as I've managed to wedge the plane between some trees and a building, so I set about cutting trees down. Meanwhile. Nala and Thunderson, and Rotty have the mushroom castle surrounded, laying into it with harassing fire. We can't get in, but they can't really get out either. Stalemate.

Cutting trees down is boring, so I finished that, pushed the plane away from the building, got it turned around, throttle up, pulled on the elevators to start climbing.

“This isn't working, why am I not climbing? Fuck. Fuck. FUCKFUCKFUCKSHIT!”

*BONK*

I have run into some more trees, but still the plane is doing good!

It's just a small stand of trees, after that is a hill that slopes down towards the sea, this will be my new runway. I go and chop those trees down too, it is also boring, so lets skip ahead to the part where I position the plane to take advantage of this long hill.

Okay, so anyway, I positioned the plane to take advantage of the long hill.

Throttle up, get some speed going, begin pulling up, and I climb slowly. Very slowly. Stupid slowly. There are more trees at the end of this field, and they're coming up fast.

“I don't think I'm going to make this.”

Here they come.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

They're here.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

I'm rising up, if I touch them I'm done though.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

I know it, the pins have been pulled on the fuel grenades at this speed.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

This is gonna hurt.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.”

Zzzzzzzoooooooooom!

I clear the top of the trees, just barely, but I'm flying for realsies, but I'm aimed the wrong way, I need to head North, but I'm going South. Now, this wouldn't be a big problem, except at some point the world will run out, I can't just go around the other side of the planet. Also I've only got ¼ of a tank, so I'd need gas even if I could, right?

This is where the men are separated from the other lesser men, with smaller glands. That's right, I gotta work rudder, and ailerons, at the same time! Jebus Q. Xmas. Needless to say I'm sweating bullets, my buttcheeks are gripping at the fabric of my chair, much like a crab gathers food with it's face hands. You ever see that before? It's somehow alien and terrifying, but oh so adorable. That's what my butt was doing.

Slowly, oh so slowly, I bring the craft around, the waypoint, a bright green circle in the center of my screen, 2,800 kilobrosephs away.

Level the ship out.

I start calling out the range.

“2,500 kilobrosephs.”

Recenter the dot, there's some drift, possible damage from the plane's recent use as a bumpercar.

“2,100 kilobrosephs.”

The countryside slips below me, woods and farms.

“1,700 kilobrosephs.”

Roads and towns.

“1,200 kilobrosephs.”

The land begins rising up.

“1,000 kilobrosephs.”

Through the hazy sky I can now see the the top of the hill, and there! There's the castle!

“800 kilobrosephs!”

I've been noticed, tracers reach up out of the fog at me.

“600 kilobrosephs! Allah Ackbar!”

The red bringers of death snap past me.

“400! Allah Ackbar!”

He's firing all he's got.

“200! Allah Ackbar!

It's too late, nothing can stop this.

“Allah Ackbar! Allah Ackbar! ALLLLLAAAAAAH AAAAACKBAAAAAAR!”

My craft slams into the side of the mushroom castle, and I go to my reward. Parachuting into Balota to start over again.

It ain't no 72 virgins, but what are ya gonna do? Loot the Balota airfield, that's what. I wont bore with the details, I found some guns, found some cooler guns, got a M240 and some German desert camo, which is super useful in the green forests of Chernarus.

Treekilla rolled up on a dirtbike, and then hit the Help thing, or something because he suddenly disappeared. He came back, I climbed on back of his bike, and we were off!

Buzzing through the little towns nestled in the forested hills, bouncing off signs and fences and all sorts of shit. Treekilla cannot drive.

Eventually he broke his motorcycle and we were forced to ride bikes, like the Dutch do when they go to war. I hate the Dutch.

In the distance we hear gunfire, it's Nala, harassing the Canadians with an M24, we're only 1,200 kilobrosephs away, and bikes are good cross country, so we do that. Treekilla bounces off some trees, the tables have turned for him it seems.

Eventually we make it to within a few hundred millibrospehs of the mushroom, and soon we're rewarded with the sound of that big stupid helicopter coming in. I lay down, set up my 240, we're down a hill at the perfect angle.

*WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP*

Racist helicopter, that's all the justification I need to lay into it as soon as the nose appears over the edge of the mushroom tip.

He pulls up and away, clearly surprised at all these angry lead bees slamming into his sky whale. We continue to lay into him as he climbs. Before long he's directly above us and we're unable to actually hit him, because aiming straight up just isn't realistic, or something.

What he's doing though, is letting his boy-hungry friend in the mushroom top know where we're at, by hovering directly over us. This leads to Tree's death via DMR. The Hatnadians have a real boner for those, for whatever reason. Probably the 20 round magazines that they can only dream of, living up there under the reign of Justin Castro.

I scamper off into the trees, occasionally taking potshots at the chopper and mushroom, and soon the chopper gets bored of me, as there are other enemies around their base that he needs to hover over.

While all this was going on, Nala and Arc managed to get up under their base. They can't shoot inside, but the defenders can't get them either. No boiling oil mod, yet.

All this allows me to swing around and come up on their hideout screened by trees, and we three meet up to cause havoc. This involved me throwing a grenade into an open part of the base, I think it was just a hole in one side they didn't fill in because it was already sealed at the bottom, still, explosions are scary. Somehow Nala got their door open, and then of course she immediately closed it after we went inside and it locked on us again. Don't do that, just leave it open, I didn't really want to die in their base, not like I had anything, but still, they'll claim that as a win, because they're fucks.

So, we're locked in, just Nala and me, and some guy with “Ninja” in his name, like he's a 14 year old stuck in 1996. They've got sheds in the ground, one of them is filled with guns and ammo, time to start dumping their stuff on the ground, I take a PKM and a bunch of ammo, because I do love the PKM.

Suddenly I'm hit!

Not sure from where but it hurt, I go prone and start hosing under the garage door outside in case one of them is out there, as I'm not sure where Arc went.

Nothing there, but they are inside the mushroom with us, and I wont be picked off by them at the bottom of this ladder, I'm going up. Of course there he is, Mr. Canadian Ninja, right at the top, with his DMR, he has to unload half a magazine into me because he's such a wet bint, and I die. He says something stupid, like he's Billy Badass.

“Ho ho ho, take that, vile interloper! I hath slain ye! I have won this day!”

And then Nala shot him dead, because of course she did.

Welcome to DayZ.

Things learned from yesterdays action.

1)100rds of .308 into the belly of an overhead Merlin has no effect.

Next step....let's see what a couple of RPG-7 rounds will do.

Looking back at a night of dayz. I realized I made 2 mistakes. Getting in a car with ASG & tequila. Not sure which I regret worse.

10 people on on a monday night. Not bad, not bad

quote:

Originally posted by myrottiety:
Looking back at a night of dayz. I realized I made 2 mistakes. Getting in a car with ASG & tequila. Not sure which I regret worse.

Your only mistake was bailing out.

We'll turn Rotty into a stone cold killer yet.

After he gets his mic issues fixed.

Get your mic issues fixed, you shit. Speaking as someone who made others suffer thru mic issues. My god, the lives that could have been saved! Think of teh chirrens!

<these comments made in the context of DayZ, nobody get hurt in the butt by the salty language>

quote:

Originally posted by arcwelder76:
We'll turn Rotty into a stone cold killer yet.

After he gets his mic issues fixed.

Get your mic issues fixed, you shit. Speaking as someone who made others suffer thru mic issues. My god, the lives that could have been saved! Think of teh chirrens!

<these comments made in the context of DayZ, nobody get hurt in the butt by the salty language>

Yea, my main machine is hooked up in the living room. It's ran to the big screen TV and doubles as a media station. Wireless headphones, keyboard, and mouse let me sit back across the room (Or go fix myself a drink!). That's the setup that I usually use.

BUT: If the wife or toddler are in there it makes DayZ impossible. Using a shitty laptop and plugged in headphones to limp along. It's a work in progress.

My mini base is coming along. Got a small landing pad. A safe, 2 sheds and a garage. I think I'll do some concrete walls and make a little courtyard. Keep it something small. Maybe put a sniping platform on top of the tower.

If you guys are on when I am. Let me know and I'll add you to the doors. I think if I add you. You can just use the eye scanner to get in and out.

yeah, adding people in the manager is all it should take.

If I'm on, I won't be on late, trying to kick this chest cold.

Merlins jump into the air and spin like manic pinwheels when you push them into buildings, apparently.

DayZ Math:

1 RPG7 Grenade- $250,000

1 KA137 Death Ball and a little "can do" spirit-$50,000.

Smoldering Enemy Base-- Priceless

Apparently we're not at was with Canada anymore? One of them came into the Discord channel and had it out with Arc. I went and got cake with my girlfriend, and when we came back they were talking about loot tables or something. So I think we're friends? Anyway, for now, lets avoid smashing the Soviet Canuckistanian bases, but feel free to murder them on the road.

There was much butthurt, as a lot of folks have gotten away from the roots of DayZ.

Is DayZ about killing and getting killed? Losing your gun and backpack? Sure it is. Is that a hard thing to learn to lose?

No.

What is my primary dislike of any DayZ server? Billionaires who snipe from sky bases, with no fear of retaliation or consequence. Why is this infuriating? Because it punishes new players primarily, for whom a backpack and rifle is a meaningful loss, plus hoofing back to their corpse to maybe get killed again, possibly on top of it. Meanwhile, the person in the base just takes another rifle from their stockpile, and doesn't stand near a window.

If there is a real choice to be made between being a hero or bandit, there has to be consequences to wanton murder. Since the only in game metric is prices at the Bandit Trader are higher, then some other way of making murder have meaning must be achieved.

Which is how we get to the idea that bases and vehicles are destructible. Someone you kill can save their shekels and plan a raid on your base, and take a chunk out of it. If you don't want that to happen, you can not randomly murder people. Or, if you want to be a bandit, you build your base in such a way as to absorb attacks.

Death has little meaning in DayZ, so "We killed you, you killed us, war over" is juvenile and not at all sufficient to impress that again, wanton murder has consequences. Particularly when the person claiming the war is over is sitting in a $25 million base full of supplies.

If people want to kill eachother with no consequences, there are countless games out there where you die, wait a short period, and come back again with a rifle.

Why is DayZ different and exciting? It is the tinge in the back of your mind that you are not safe, that either the undead or other people are out to get you. People in giant bases should feel that, along with everyone else.

Found a great spot for a decent base layout that could sustain 2 two car garages, and safe/shed rooms for at least 2 if not 3 players.

Anyone want in with me before I start building (need to plan my blueprint.

I miss the old crew, and the shenanigans... we need skull aetocles and grave one back playing... and the others too.

Aww, I miss you guys too. But my long nights of gaming are long gone. I'm lucky if I get one or two hours a week.... So sad.

Well, any given night someone is likely to be on. Even a few hours and you can come bask in the warm romantic glow of sky bases burning at night.

It's telling me "Session Lost" when I try to log in right now.