Don't think I'll see the movie. Could never get past the first book in the series (or the fisrt 100 pages of any other King book for that matter). If the movie is true to King's writing style it will take 37 hours to tell a 2 hr story and I just don't have that kind of time.

Ken

I am confused, but it has been years since I read the books,

I say books but I did not finish the series,

the damn train turned me off, as in I stopped that book and never finished the series,

I think this was when King was having issues, as in 1000 pages to say the sky was blue

Someone gave me the first book in the series but I just couldn't finish it. Being like most of King's other novels you could randomly tear out fifty or more pages from anywhere in the book and instantly make the book better.

I will watch it but I'm a little puzzled as well. It was a great concept, the gunslingers and the zen world view. It's a lot to pack in.

I also liked King's "The Stand", but actually sometimes prefer "Swan Song" by Robert McCammon. It's darker. (Supposedly they both are inspired by Richard Matheson's "I am Legend"...).

Swan Song is pre/post-apocalyptic nuclear war (WWIII).

What's different in "Swan Song" is Job's Mask. Many survivors wind up with a condition called Job's Mask, where growths overtake their face where they were injured in the bombings. Once these growths fall off, they leave the person more attractive than they were before—IF they're good people.
The Job's Mask is said to bring forward the "true face", meaning the bad guys who get them wind up hideous when they fall off.

Once again Stephen King has given fudgie assbirth to another Dark Tower trailer. This time directly into the soft, moist mouthmeat of his chosen studio producer.

"Yaaa caaaaa daaaa kaaa faaaaa daaaa yaaaaa!" He screeches in an entirely affected and grossly exaggerated New England accent. The ancient incantation of colonic creation.

The studio producer takes his mouthful of "art" and climbs into the passenger seat of a Lincoln crossover being driven by Matthew McColonhay.

"Ahm an evil wizard now so I drive with mah miiiiiiind...." Matthew explains as he floors the accelerator without touching the steering wheel.

My biggest takeaway from both trailers at this point is that Roland is going to die in the first film because he has a stuck casing in his revolver and NO FUCKING EJECTOR ROD. I didn't see a cylinder latch on his sort of Remington revolvers either. I read on IMFDB some dude who says he built them said the are chambered in 38 Special. Not 45. So there's that. Maybe he carries a stick in his pocket to push out empties.

I won't be watching this puke pile. And The Dark Series is one I loved. I've read it at least four times over.

Nope. Won't be watching this.

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
Soooo confused

Hobbits maybe?

WesleyDelArma's posts in this thread are all solid gold. I wish for there to be more movies based on King's works, just so that he can post about them.

Was not at all interested in this movie, didn't see the first trailer but the new one played in front of Spider-Man and now it's on the list. The wife and I are big Idris Elba fans.

So, piecing together what I can from both trailers I think I can offer a rough narrative for the film.

First, the clips are obviously shown out of chronological order.

It starts off with Jake sitting with the producer for the new reality show he is in called "Touched By An Uncle". Jake is confused and rambling on about nonsense because the contestants on the show are given Red Bull laced with Xtasy.

The producer is worried that Jake's parents will discover that their precious, exploitable child is being given Red Bull by his studio. Looking at Jake though he starts licking his lips and reflecting how HE puts the "stud" in "studio".

That's when the hyperactive rectal vibrator in his desk starts up ON IT'S OWN and shakes the room.

Huck senses something's wrong....

Jake is returned to his parents after a sticky day of filming. We find out that Jake lives in a shitty house. Poor him. We also find out that he isn't his mother's vagchild, that he is a fosterslave. Jake is distraught to find out that all the pictures his mother showed him of his birth, the slow motion video of a child being shat into the wet open mouth of his father, none of those were him. Ka is a wheel, say fuckya.

Jake is sent to his room after a meal of hair with skin stuck to it and a glass of urinade. He then discovers a plot hole in his room that lets him escape to the Gunslinger's world.

Roland, last of his kind, the last Gunslinger. Trained in the ancient and honored knightly way of the Gunslinger. That is to say be the only person with guns for the majority of seven or eight books and revel in your skill at shooting largely unarmed combatants. Some had sticks and shit, though.

Once Jake crosses over he wanders around until he finds a bar, hoping to find a big strong man to protect him. This is when he meets Roland. Jake is immediately terrified of him because his parents taught that "black man be de debil!" Jake is relieved when Roland starts asking questions about his world. Jake regrets coming to this world and wants to go home so he tells Roland about earth hoping he will help him get back.

Roland asks Jake to become his "sissy". He explains to Jake how much of an honor it is and the ancient pact between a Gunslinger and his sissy. Jake accepts.

This part is a little fuzzy. Randall Flagg should be the villain in some of these films, but it looks like at some point a stoned Matthew McGuanohay wandered onto the set saying weird shit and lines from True Detective. Or it may be lyrics from a Television album. He is unaware he is in a movie. He sees a black man and decides to fight him because he was taught they are " de debil". So I guess they just filmed him and cut it in. Star power muthafuckas!

Matt's Zippo breaks and his hand catches on fire. After this he thinks he is a wizard,

Roland starts to teach Jake the ways of the Gunslinger. He does this by shooting homeless people in the alleys of New York City. A Good Samaritan tries to rescue Jake from the sweaty black murder machine mowing down winos and bums, but is shot in the head by Roland.

Roland does some shit that looks cool in slow motion because he knows it looks cool in slow motion.

Matthew shows Roland his jizz sock collection and explains its NEVER because he HAS to. He WANTS to. Roland is horrified to meet a man that prefers to take matters into his own hand and tries to kill him by shooting everything BUT him. Matthew tries to stop a deluge of glass from falling on him believing still that he is a wizard. He isn't. He gets cut up a bit and goes home to masturbate to his own reflection and add to his collection.

Roland is showing Jake more Gunslinger tricks and starts to get cocky. He tries to jump off the balcony of a shopping mall and shoot a dangerous looking woman nursing a baby. He makes the shot but lands head first into a marble fountain.

After a trip to the hospital Jake learns that Roland has brain damage. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life cleaning and slopping a 'tard so he decides to ditch him back in his own world. Along the way Roland forgets who Jake is and shoots Jake in the mouth.

It is at the end of the film that Roland reveals that he is NOT brain damaged! He killed Jake because HE BE DE DEBIL!

Can't wait for the sequels!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: WesleyDelArma,

Ummm....

quote:

Originally posted by Scurvy:
The wife and I are big Idris Elba fans.

yep,,

Love SK. Hated this series. Painful as hell.

I will watch. For free.

Did I mention I thought this series sucked?