SIGforum
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
May 20, 2017, 04:36 PM
HobbsWhy did the blind man fall into the well?
... because he couldn't see that well
May 20, 2017, 04:42 PM
Jim Shugart
Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with her left hand?
Because she used the right one to moan with.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
May 20, 2017, 04:54 PM
George43What did Stevie wonder say when his Bride undressed in front of him on their wedding night?
Nothing he's blind.
A gun in the hand is worth more than ten policemen on the phone.
The American Revolution was carried out by a group of gun toting religious zealots.
May 20, 2017, 05:23 PM
AudioholicThe doorbell rings.
The lady gets out of the shower and says, "Who is it?"
A man's voice says, "Blind man."
She's completely naked, but figures what the heck. She opens the door and there's a guy with a package.
He looks her up and down, smiles, and says, "Lady, where do you want me to hang these blinds?"
"Every time you think you weaken the nation" Moe Howard May 20, 2017, 05:40 PM
sigmonkeyWhat do you call a dog with no legs.
Anything you want, he won't come anyway.
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! May 20, 2017, 05:51 PM
ffipsWhy are blind people now banned from skydiving?
Scares the crap out of the dogs.
May 20, 2017, 05:54 PM
sigmonkeyIt scares the seeing eye-dogs.
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! May 20, 2017, 05:55 PM
sigmonkeyWhy can't Helen Keller drive?
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! May 20, 2017, 06:04 PM
EponymWhy do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
They’re really good at it.
May 20, 2017, 06:05 PM
egregore
May 20, 2017, 06:23 PM
David LeeWhat's big, red and, eats rocks?
May 20, 2017, 07:24 PM
Captain MorganWhat's the difference between pussy and parsley?
Nobody likes parsley.
Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly: Men freely ford that see the shallows.
Benjamin Franklin May 20, 2017, 08:00 PM
ffipsquote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey:
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Can't reach the road behind the wheel.
May 20, 2017, 08:25 PM
BisleyblackhawkWhat did the usher at Ford's theater ask?
"Other than that Mrs. Lincoln...how did you enjoy the play?"
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"we've gotta roll with the punches, learn to play all of our hunches
Making the best of what ever comes our way
Forget that blind ambition and learn to trust your intuition
Plowing straight ahead come what may
And theres a cowboy in the jungle"
Jimmy Buffet
May 20, 2017, 08:52 PM
tk13quote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey:
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
May 20, 2017, 09:06 PM
sigmonkeyquote:
Originally posted by tk13:
quote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey:
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
No.
Because she's dead.
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! May 20, 2017, 09:12 PM
tk13How did Helen Keller burn her face?
Answering the iron.
How did she burn the other side?
They called back.
May 20, 2017, 09:13 PM
tk13quote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey:
What do you call a dog with no legs.
What do you call a cow wih no legs?
Ground beef.
May 20, 2017, 10:02 PM
slabsides45quote:
Originally posted by ffips:
Why are blind people now banned from skydiving?
Scares the crap out of the dogs.
How does a blind skydiver know when they're about to land?
The leash goes slack.
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"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving."
-Dr. Adrian Rogers
May 20, 2017, 11:34 PM
OrgussIf you date a blind person you don't have to worry about them seeing other people.
"I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!" - Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes"