Well, I have not been in a very Christmassy mood. I just didn't "feel it". I didn't decorate like I usually do. Didn't help with the community Christmas thing.

I have not been depressed, but just didn't feel it. Well Sunday, I started to get into the Christmas spirit, finished the tree, and a few other decorations.

Well, anyway I didn't have my big get together, but I did have a couple of friends over last night, and if you say the Christmas dinner post you saw I had supper with a friend, and after I left and the rest of hers left she popped by.

Well, it's been rough for her also. Friday her mom, my adopted mom (I think of her mom as mine) had a heart attack. That chucked a monkey into the wrench works.

Plans changed, and all that. Christmas I decided to not visit mom at the hospital, I figured that I would be in the way, and I was invited to my uncle's house, the first time in forever. So the plan was my friend and I would get together after she visits mom and I visit my uncle.

It was nice, we talked about me making bubble and squeak tonight for Boxing day, and she stopping by after work and visiting her mom.

Well, the worse happened. Mom (my friends mom) passed away this morning in her sleep.

What's worse is when she texted me that this morning I didn't get it until 10:30 am, she texted me at 7:57 am.

So, I am feeling really bummed. I didn't go see "mom" yesterday, and I wasn't there for my friend until later. I made my way to Mom's house after that, but the fact is my friend and "Dad" were alone for some time.

I just feel all around bummed and lousy. I just got home a little bit ago and I just don't know what to do.

To top it off, there will be no funeral or visitation. Tomorrow morning "mom's" body will go to Ohio. She had ALS and donated her body to science. So there will be no last good-byes.

I know that this is long and my be more gibberish then sense, but I need some prayers for my friend and if you have time I could use a few too.


ARman

Just said a prayer for you. Try to have peace and realize you were a part of her life. May the Lord bless you with comfort and peace.

I'm glad you posted. You remind us all that we are not alone when we have similar days as yours. Some of us want to 'tell' and just can't yet (my situation), others are too private or proud and do not want to be seen as weak.

It took courage to share what you did, I pray for you and your friend. I pray for strength, for peace, and for the ability to push on.

Very sorry to read about the loss, and especially so this time of the year. Some of what took place is beyond your control, and I hope you don't carry the burden unnecessarily. Do what you can now that you know, even if it means staying out of the way. You know them, be thoughtful and I have faith you'll find a way to support them.

My condolences and prayers.

Pray you get past any feelings of being less supportive than what seemed important to you and your lady friend. We aren't always in the right place at the right time.

Prayers for you. You can’t second guess everything you do in life. Cut yourself some slack.

Hang in there.. I spent several times Christmas Day checking in with a friend that’s alone and going through a divorce. We all take things for granted at times..it can be a tough time of the year.

Thanks for the kind words. I knew it was going to happen sometime, just not as soon as it did.

Last night, my friend asked if I was going to do my New Year Eve and New Years day thing and I said I was not sure.

The last couple of years it has only been her, mom and one other friend.

Since I have not been "feeling it", I said I didn't know. Today she asked if I have changed, or made up my mind for New Years....

I told her that I would do something small tonight, she looked a little more cheerful. So, I'm going to throw something together for New Years Eve and day.... I hope that can help keep her mind on something Pleasant.

I just wish that I could do more. I know about about losing your mom, I lost my real mom 10 years ago. Now my adopted mom. I wish I could be of more help.


ARman

Sorry for everything you and your friend were going through these past couple of days. It's hard to know what to do when you "don't have the Christmas feeling" and then something happens where you end up thinking it would have had a better ending if you'd made a different decision.

I've found that the best thing to do is be there for somebody the next time, even if it's just to talk.

My sincere condolences. I didn't make it to my dad's bedside when he passed and it bothered me a lot. I did make it to my mom and my sister when they passed. Dad's death was in 1984, so the pain of not being with him has largely passed. You will overcome this sadness and feeling of guilt, too, with time.

I pray God will give you and the family comfort.

flashguy

Sorry for your loss ARman. I lost my sister to ALS a couple years ago. Glad you are there for your friend. I think getting together for New Years with her is a good idea.

ARman, my condolences to you, your friend and her dad, they need you now and you need them.

My mother died January 1998. Reader's Digest version, she passed, I was 500 miles away and at the literally at the same time she went I was undergoing an emergency cath that twelve hours later turned into a emergency triple bypass. The day of her funeral I was out of the ICU and into a room, could not be there again. At least I was able to be be there for her interment as those cannot be done until the ground thaws in the U.P of Michigan usually in late April or early May. By then I was able to travel.

Some things are beyond our control. Nobody knows that better than I.

We can only do what we can do. Just don't beat yourself up for things beyond your control.

Prayers for you and your "family" of friends.

It is one thing to be aloof and uncaring to the things going on with people you are connected with, and another to simply be out of touch as a normal occurrence of events.

You were thinking of others and being considerate by not visiting, and you could not know how that would play out, and the time of you getting the text, not as if you ignored it, you just did not get it at the time.

So, it's not "on you", do not shoulder it and make it a burden.

Go to your friends, hold them, talk of the good things and let the blessings be the blessings.

What would your "mom" say if she were to walk into your state of mind?

Sorry to be "preachy".

May your New Year, be a better year!

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:
Prayers for you and your "family" of friends.

It is one thing to be aloof and uncaring to the things going on with people you are connected with, and another to simply be out of touch as a normal occurrence of events.

You were thinking of others and being considerate by not visiting, and you could not know how that would play out, and the time of you getting the text, not as if you ignored it, you just did not get it at the time.

So, it's not "on you", do not shoulder it and make it a burden.

Go to your friends, hold them, talk of the good things and let the blessings be the blessings.

What would your "mom" say if she were to walk into your state of mind?

Sorry to be "preachy".

May your New Year, be a better year!

Thanks wise SIGmonkey, "mom" would say I'm being silly.

I just wish I could do more for my friend and "Dad". I feel almost useless. Like I could do more. I guess it's just I feel not in control, just like when my mom and dad died.

I don't feel like I'm doing any good. Like I could do something better to help with their pain and loss.

"Mom" was almost like my actual mom. I was very close to her.

I was given my Christmas gift from her by my friend on Christmas night and there was lots of thought put into it. Even in her poor health.

She wasn't really "into" Christmas, but she knew how much I love it, and her gift to me reflects that.

"Dad" is taking it a lot better than I thought, they have been together since they were 16, and in April will be their 50th anniversary.

ARman

The bigger the heart, the harder the hurt.

I am sorry for your anguish, and "those that do" have difficulty not being able to "do".

It is in the nature. It is hard, because you care for others.

Care for you, too.

Peace be with you.

ARMan I'm not sure what "service" or company your Mom is using to donate her body to science but I too made that decision. I have a pretty rae birth defect called an Arnold CHiari type II malformation and that is why I decided to donate my body to science. Anyway, the company I am working with will make all the arrangements to receive my remains after I pass, donate me to whichever college/university wants me with my specific medical history and they will also cremate me and return my cremains to my family. So you, your friend and "Dad" CAN have a memorial service or funeral. It's just delayed. TSM11 and I had a very dear friend do the same thing and we received her cremains about 9 months later IIRC. Check into it when you are strong enough. Maybe you family isn't aware of that. Most people don't like talking about end of life decisions as it's morbid, and very depressing. I hope this info helps just a little bit to put your mind at rest about not being able to say goodbye.

I've said a prayer for you and your family. Please contact me if you want to talk for any reason. "RotndadATGmail.com

So sorry to hear of all your troubles, especially at this time of the year.

There can always be a "last good bye". I might suggest you and your friends have one as soon as possible. Make it a big deal. Set a day and time and bring pictures of her in her better days. Maybe some of her favorite things as well. Tell her how much she meant to you all. Last good byes are important for closure.

My heart goes out to you. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I think the best I can do is suggest that you try to be present for your friend and family - I think you'll be glad that you did in the long run, and you will bring them, and maybe yourself, some comfort. You all have my deepest condolences.