I had one relative threaten to contest a will that I was the executor.

It was written by an attorney who specialized in wills and estates.

No one would take her case in a way that was worth her spending the money.

I told her to pound sand, and not darken my door again.

I would have the will checked by a specialist to be sure it was up to date on your state's laws.

An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

As others have said it depends on the state. I was the executor of my mother's estate in Tennessee. I & my sisters interviewed 3 attorneys. All 3 said the will did not conform to TN law. Also all 3 would only help if the estate went to probate. Probate was the best solution by far as medical bills were received a year after her death. Nothing was contested & one sister bought her property with cash. Total attorney cost including sale of property was $1200 & the medical bills were dismissed by the judge.

I've done three. There was no "reading of the will" for any. In all three cases a copy of the will was simply mailed to everyone involved after I contacted the Lawyer and started the process.

I used the layer that wrote the will to handle probate in each case, if there is a question with the will they can defend/explain their own work.

Per MY experience... You do not want "help" or a co-executor. As the official executor you have to do it your self pretty much anyway and if their is a co- then both have to do it all together, double the effect it would seem, not half each split between the two. YMMV.

Keep records of all your actions, contacts and expenses. If you expect issues make as much correspondence via e-mail as possible on the record avoiding phone calls or face to face to prevent the "You said xxxxx" or etc.

I sent emails to the others concerned outlining what is/was happening as it went along.

In all three cases I needed more copies of the Death Certificate then the originally provided... it seems everyone wants one... some accept homemade copies, many require "official" copies. Ask for extras.

It will likely take longer than you expect to complete but my three all went through probate, good thing too when some late bills came in after it was closed. Lawyer said throw them in the trash... and good luck to them getting the probated estate reopened by a Judge. That was the end of it.

Here, You can charge the estate for your time... but I never did.

The split... shares for each recipient were mailed or sent via electronic bank transfer from the estate account. In the last case I never even met or talked to the other parties involved other than a couple email updates from me to them.

What about funeral arrangements? Will you be handling those as well?

Almost year after the last one was closed the Layer called and and said there was an issue with the estate... and I needed to come in to his office and see him about it. Oh crap I'm thinking I went to his office and he handed me a $7 check. Said it was interest on the estate account he overlooked. Asshole... he could have saved the drama and my trouble and just mailed it.

As a veteran of two estates, both horrific, I have a few general thoughts for you.

First off, it's good that you are sole executor. Above all, be fiduciary and stick to the terms of the will and neither add nor subtract from the terms. Do what it says.

Count on and enforce the clause about exclusion for contesting the will. Give it teeth. Surprising how well that works on miscreant family members.

Remember, money does not change people, it reveals them.

You know these people. Who has tendencies you have observed over the course of time? Keep an eye on them, and at first blush, box them in and stop their assault.

My experiences were traumatic and health impacting. It's no picnic, especially when you have low life scum lawyering up, lying and accusing.

Document everything, use the Trust attorney for guidance, take no crap. By that I mean, choose wisely - do you want to fight a thing directly or have a strategy to overcome the roadblock?

In summation, be honest and be fair - to everyone, including yourself.

Have a strategy to box in the miscreants, get the estate finished and be done with it.

I was an observer of a very similar situation, the only folks that made out were the attorney's. The value of estate dropped with every hearing, phone call, motion and arbitrator expense. A pure waste of $.

I get along well with my siblings and there were no problems. It took a lot of time to settle my parents estate. I get along well with my 16 cousins as well. Had to deal with an estate in France. That took three plus years. The language barrier plus French bureaucracy complicated things. A residence in France had to be sold plus the remainder of her worldly possessions. Numerous forms had to be notarized and numerous proofs of identity had to be sent. A genealogist was contracted by the French attorney to insure all cousins were legit. I cannot imagine doing all of this if there were conflicts among family members.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:

quote:

Originally posted by Aglifter:
“How do I remove my own appendix…”

Call the lawyer who did your mother’s will, and talk it over with him.

If he cannot, find another estate attorney in your area.

You are in a situation where a tiny amount of work now, can head off lots of issues later. This is when you should call a lawyer.

To properly answer your questions, you need a long conversation with a lawyer, not your internet friends. You have asked for a lot of information.

Your siblings may think they want to contest the will, but not getting what you want is not a valid basis to do so. They will probably need lawyers, who may well dissuade them from bringing silly will contests. If they bring it themselves, your lawyer (and you will need one) will get any without merit dismissed fairly easily.

The size of the estate alone would make a will contest somewhat silly. There isn't enough there to make litigation over the will worthwhile, and it will cost them a lot of money to bring claims.

Every time, or almost, this topic comes up JHE posts the above and then somewhere further I post "Listen to the lawyer."

So, listen to the lawyer. Now, because I have a minute, let me tell you why I know that to be good advice.

I spent 34 years as a Trust and Estate Officer in Commercial banks. That included trust administration, estate administration, Business Development (where the task is to get new business in the bank in a form that can be successful for all concerned), was a Vice President in a big bank and managed the department in all functions including investments in a small bank. After retirement I spent 2 years consulting to lawyers and individual fiduciaries on acceptance and legal challenges.

My point is that I have managed or co managed trusts and estates in the hundreds; new ones, old ones, some moving from another fiduciary.
I think all states, I know most, allow individual fiduciaries. What JHE said is the WORD, the truth. Without a lawyer it might go fine, many do. It might not and many don't. When they don't the price in grief, anger, anxiety rises exponentially with how many shirt-tail relations show up to throw Molotovs over the transom and I haven't mentioned money yet.

You will not lose a law-suit for paying reasonable atty fees that others just don't like. You can lose a suit for making a mistake that costs the trust or estate money and could have been prevented by the due diligence you are expected to perform. Typically that's your dough not trust money.

Also, the legal fees for advice typically come from the trust if you are a named fiduciary.

I said I administered many trusts and had a fairly significant responsibility therein. When a family relative passed and my wife was named, we saw a lawyer before we accepted it. We hired the same lawyer to second guess us as it went through probate. All went well, the Oregon uncle shut his pie-hole and it was a well spent small sum.

So suture self, but If I do it again, and I may, I'll hire a lawyer.

Man, I hire a lawyer just for a simple speeding tickets.

All good stuff stated. Recently lost my dad, best $150 spent was the counseling from an estate attorney. In VA, the probate court appoints or qualifies you as the executor. You can decline and the court will appoint an administrator to handle the affairs of the estate. They will need to see the original will. My sympathy for you and loved ones, where this is the time to gather together to up lift each other and to respect your mothers wishes, not argue over material things. I wish the best for you 41.

Some good advice throughout this thread. Retaining an Estate Attorney and CPA firm whom 'you' as the Executor (or even as the POA), have faith and confidence in will go a long way to easing your burden.

quote:

Originally posted by marksman41:
I'm the executor of my mother's will and am looking for advice and what to expect when that time comes which, unfortunately, appears to be not far off as her health is rapidly declining.

You need to know where the original will is. It actually should be in your possession or have ready access to it when the time comes. I've had our wills drawn up by two different lawyers (we moved states) and neither offered to keep it for us. The instructions was that we need to have the originals where the executor could get at them. Putting it in a safe at home or bank safe deposit box won't work. In our case, we sent the originals to our executor. As far as I know, no lawyer reads the will unless I guess they're super rich but, in that case, everything would be in trusts.

You also need to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for any conflict. Stick to the will as that's your duty. Don't react emotionally; don't respond. Stick to just the facts and only the facts.

My mom n dad have created a trust and mom has written a notebook of how, why and who gets what….she also has had me and my brothers and my biggest kid tells her what they want. It’s all in the book. I’m the executor. Mom has put down the law…what she says or said is the end of it. If there’s a problem….the executor will not be argued with…end of story.

She put me in charge as she knows I will do what she wants and I also have the ability to say no. I’m not worried about my older brother. My little brother is the problem..but he has declared bankruptcy in the past and due to huge medical issues and bills he can’t own anything and basically mom sends him a stipend to keep him in enough money to survive….I don’t know the particulars and I don’t care. What mom said is what mom said.

I know I will call the attorney who created the trust when time comes to help me navigate. They also have me on all their accounts so I can withdraw monies if needed to handle funerals etc. they know I’d never take money from them for any reason.

I hope it’s going to be a easy as it has been explained to me. But I’m sure it won’t be.

I'm not sure a lawyer will decide family disputes outside a court room. Your main job will be get the money and bring it to the lawyers office. They will set up an account at a bank of their choosing. Easy? It wasn't for me. A regular bank I walked in with the court appointed document and walked out with a check. Her holdings at a credit union was a lot harder. It took four months to get those accounts broken out. My lawyer was beginning to get a little pissy with them. Took me longer to figure out an insurance policy she took out in 1968. Selling the house just took four days, but cleaning it out and getting it ready was a four month long process. And, be prepared to jump through a lot of hoops if its bought with an FHA loan. Another thing they'll ask you to do it fill out an inventory of all assets. Money, policies, real estate, and really anything of value. Turns out she had an silver set that was appraised for 5k in 1980. Not worth anything near that today. I'm wondering if the appraisal was accurate. Furniture I donated to a local thrift outfit. I finished being the executor of my mother's estate and have two pieces of advice. 1. Do not fear probate. Probate protects you the executor. If there are any suits involved, and the estate doesn't cover any awards you are on the hook for the rest. At least that's the way it was explained to me here in the state of Colorado. 2. Be patient. It took a year and a half to finally close out my Mom's estate.

Had a good friend that had a horrible time with relatives when she was executor. She just relied heavily on the estate attorney for advice.

Check to see if the Will provides that the executor will be compensated. If it does, then get a notebook and keep track of all your time and submit an invoice (in accordance with the terms of the Will). Maybe waive your fee if everyone behaves and the task is simple.

quote:

Originally posted by MikeinNC:
My mom n dad have created a trust and mom has written a notebook of how, why and who gets what….she also has had me and my brothers and my biggest kid tells her what they want. It’s all in the book. I’m the executor. Mom has put down the law…what she says or said is the end of it. If there’s a problem….the executor will not be argued with…end of story.


I hope it’s going to be a easy as it has been explained to me. But I’m sure it won’t be.

If your brother really is a problem , it will only get worse after she passes and her influence over him is gone .

quote:

Originally posted by pace40:

quote:

I don't know anything about what is in the will

Not a lawyer but this seems odd to me. My attorney insisted that my executor received a copy of my will so any questions could be handled aforehand. Hard to ask the right questions not knowing what's contained in the document.

I've been an executor twice, neither time with any real advance notice. (first time, prior executor died before settling the estate and I was alternate on the will, second time there was no will (which surprised me) and I volunteered to help out.)

Yeah, I'd decline unless I knew what was in it. Imagine that the will calls for something absolutely wrong-headed (define 'wrong-headed' as you will). Your only option, if you find this out in real-time after the person has passed, is either a) to go make it happen, or b) decline to be executor.

OTOH, if you see the issue beforehand, you can ask some questions that may help you understand the rationale. This would put you in a better place to explain it yourself, later. Or, if the terms are truly unsupportable, you can tell the will-writer that they need to look for another executor.

quote:

Originally posted by selogic:
If your brother really is a problem , it will only get worse after she passes and her influence over him is gone .

He’s in a rock and a hard place. He needs government healthcare because he is bankrupt. And if he gets anything, he can’t get the healthcare.

There will be no problems. I’m a hard hearted bastard, he brought this on himself and he will sleep in the bed of his own making. The trust and her instructions will keep him from getting anything more than rent money or the occasional auto repair bill. The biggest problem is that I have to deal with him for the rest of his life.

quote:

Originally posted by MikeinNC:

quote:

Originally posted by selogic:
If your brother really is a problem , it will only get worse after she passes and her influence over him is gone .

He’s in a rock and a hard place. He needs government healthcare because he is bankrupt. And if he gets anything, he can’t get the healthcare.

3rd Party Special Needs Trust. It's gotta be done just right, so use a local atty who is experienced with such things.

We have one for one of my siblings. Since it was never their money in the first place, and since it is administered by a trustee, the money spent on specific things is not income and does not disqualify from medicaid and other government benefits (disability, food stamps, energy assistance, etc).

It must be firewalled completely. No money directly to the person, and no money back from the person to the trust.

The trust can specify what it can be spent on and how much. Thus it can be metered to your brother so he can't blow it all in a week or get scammed out of it (which would happen to my sibling in an instant).