you both have to take care of each others needs if that goes away so does the marriage, taking a hard stance on any given subject on both sides can lead to disaster. there are signs of the true person they are if you look closely, thinking with the wrong head and ignoring the signs is what gets lots of men in trouble. commutation is the key in my opinion. married 40 years and very happy.

quote:

Originally posted by ugeesta:
Don't think you can change a person cause you can't. Hope your future bride understands that was well

I’m sure I’ll mangle the quote (and don’t remember the attribution), but it goes something like this: “The root cause of most problems between men and women is that he thinks she won’t change and she thinks he will. They are both mistaken.”

To steal (and probably mange too) a Jimmy Buffet line, “It’s (still) been a lovely ride.”

quote:

Originally posted by wrightd:

quote:

Originally posted by 229DAK:

quote:

Originally posted by sse:
never try to teach the spouse how to golf

For that matter, don't try to teach her much of anything.

I would venture to say this qualifies as the last word on the matter.

Beh! I taught mine to fly (in a taildragger and a twin).

At least I was smart enough not to teach her to shoot.

I have no functional advice so I will just say.... Good Luck!

You can be right, or you can be happy.
But you can’t be both.

As mentioned, when she tells you about all the rotten things in her day, keep quiet. She is not looking for advice, she wants someone to know she had a bad day. Don’t ask me why, I don’t have that answer. It was free advice someone gave me when I got engaged and as dumb as that sounds he was right.
I asked him if I actually had to listen and he said you can fall asleep as long as your eyes are open. Right again. Every day, ask her how her day was. It will take 10-20 minutes of your attention. If you keep your mouth shut, you will have a nice evening.

When mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy. So make sure mama is happy.

One last thing, the guys are right, don’t go to bed angry. That is a big one. Nobody wants sleepless nights. That stuff festers overnight.
I’m working on my 25th this year!
Congratulations.

Everyone says "Happy Wife Happy Life". Umm this may get me flamed but I call BS on this one.

Some say "Happy King Happy Kingdom". That's not so good either.

Better, actually the Best is "Happy Spouse Happy House" applies to both people.

Best wishes to you.
.

Practice selective hearing loss.

much wisdom in this thread, the last 2 posts are especially good advice.

Come May 17th will mark our 50 years... In the 70's we both were active duty Army.... I served 9 1/2 yrs and she served 8 1/2 yrs... When in uniform I outranked her (SSG E-6 vs Specialist E-5).... But out of uniform she was the "Command Sgt. Major of the War Department)..I might win a small battle here and there but she would win the war....................... drill sgt.

Please and thank you's carry a lot of weight.

We haven't been together for forty years by me telling her she was wrong.

The love you take should be equal to the love you make

quote:

Originally posted by wrightd:

quote:

Originally posted by 229DAK:

quote:

Originally posted by sse:
never try to teach the spouse how to golf

For that matter, don't try to teach her much of anything.

I would venture to say this qualifies as the last word on the matter.

LOL

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:

quote:

Originally posted by NOCkid:
My wife:

"I don't want advice, I just want you to listen".

Something to think about.

[FLASH_VIDEO]<iframe frameborder="0" height="720" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-4EDhdAHrOg" title="It's Not About The Nail" width="1280"></iframe>[/FLASH_VIDEO]

classic...25 million views

quote:

Originally posted by NOCkid:
My wife:

"I don't want advice, I just want you to listen".

Something to think about.

“To be kind is more important than to be right. Many times, what people need is not a brilliant mind that speaks but a special heart that listens.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald

There are hobbies I like to do by myself but I married my wife because she is my most favorite person on the planet to hang out with. Any task is better when we work together for a common goal. Also makes the results more enjoyable and the not so good outcomes less painful.

Being at the beginning of being middle-aged, I've had to learn to be more...flexible. The gals I'm dating now have been doing their thing for awhile now, as have I. The ones I get along with, are more and not so rigid or dogmatic in their ways; I'd like to think they've learned at their age they can't be so inflexible if they expect the relationship to last. Some stuff I've learned to not get involved much less comment on and others I've learned a new way of doing things.
Good luck and glad you've found your life-partner and soul-mate.

quote:

Helpful suggestions on leaving bachelorhood

Measure twice, cut once.

You can interpolate from there.

After almost thirty-six years of marriage, I still live by a valuable lesson we learned very early in our marriage.

Many home improvement projects can be done better together.

Wallpapering is NOT one of them.

I've been married twice. Outlived both. About 10 years in, first one was diagnosed bipolar and psychotic and became a violent alcoholic and prescription drug addict. A few decades ago, she would have been involuntarily committed, as apparently were several of her family members. She left me, filed for divorce, died 12 years later. Married wife 2. Wonderful Christian woman. 14 years together. Died of septic shock from a staph infection 2 1/2 years ago.

I believe shared faith, values and worldview are critical to a long term relationship. If one is a devout adherent of one faith and the other isn't, there are likely going to be problems. If one loves shooting and the other hates guns, there are going to be problems. Opposites might attract, but they rarely last. Will you take interest in the things she loves doing and vice versa?

There are other hard questions to consider. Will you love your wife when the passing of time takes from her the beauty you so admire today? Will you love your wife if age or illness diminishes her sense of humor, quick wit and keen intellect? Will you love her if she needs your help to stand, move about, bathe herself, even use the bathroom and clean up afterwards? More than a few marriages don't survive these challenges.

I consider myself to have been blessed as a happily married man for most of my married years. The tough times will reveal the character of both partners. I will most certainly be praying that you both have that strength of character and enjoy a long and loving life together.

Buy all the things that you want beforehand. Learn to smile and nod.