Long and short is I was called out of retirement to do some work in San Diego. It’s consequential and complex work. As such it has become an extended stay weeks beyond anticipated. It has consumed most of my days and many nights, not to mention lost sleep.

I told my grandson I would be there for his birthday and that we’d have great fun. Some critical delays happened and I missed his birthday. Worse, he had to call me. I am heart broken. This is the boy whose dad passed away a few years ago so his mom is raising him alone.

I feel like such a heel. I apologized and told him I would be there on Monday without fail even if I had to used my super powers. He giggled behind tears. All will be well on Monday, but no one is there for him today and he’s only 5. So it’s hard for him.

I just needed to get it off my chest.

Ouch, in the feels



He will be ok when you see him and give him extra hugs

Now he'll get another chance to do birthday stuff when it's not his birthday. Like having two birthdays. To a kid that's pretty awesome.

That sounds terrible for you to have to experience that. Sorry that you and your family.

Darth,
It'll be OK. I'm sure it'll be great for both of you when you get to see him.

Im sure you will make it up to him when you get there. Make it a memorable one, whatever it takes. Sounds like you are a great grandpa.

Being one that has unfortunately missed more than a few "important days" in my Family.
Birthdays, Anniversaries...

When you get back home, sit down with the Lil Man, and simply say "Hey, I'm sorry, I had to work and this is why. Now, Lil Man, what do YOU want to do?"
Amusement park, fishing, camping, movie, cook for him... whatever. Kids are pretty resilient and understanding about that stuff when you're honest with them.

Think about Monday Darth, tons of hugs and fun. Your grandson will get another birthday! He will remember it forever. Promise.

A missed birthday at that age is a big deal. Do something really special with him on Monday, he will remember the "make-up day" for a long time.

Would it have been possible to fly home for your grandson's birthday and fly back to finish the job? As a retiree myself if someone could convince me to come out of retirement to work on a project I'd make it clear I'd do so but if a birthday or anniversary was coming up I'd have let them know I'd be gone a day or two and then return to finish the job. Sorry you had to miss your grandson's birthday because time is something we can never get back once it passes.

Unfortunately, I cannot leave today. I don’t fully understand why, but this work cannot happen without my part though I know others in the world can do this. It will all be finished (or at least this most critical phase) tomorrow. Given the nature of the problems, I’ll be back here before too long.

As suggested, little Eric and I (and Momma) will have great fun. He’ll get a proper apology and a pinky swear promise this will never happen again. He already doesn’t have his dad. I’ll not fail him as grandpa as long as I’m alive. When our homestead is ready, we’ll fly them out to experience country life and the animals.

Thanks for helping me feel better.

I’m sorry about this. I keep a list in my mind of the times that I made a mistake with my child, and it can eat me up, even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember most of them. People make mistakes, plans get broken. Don’t beat yourself up too badly. Sounds like you have a plan. And it sounds like if he can giggles through tears, he will forgive you.

Ice cream and cake cures a lot of hurt feelings at that age. In few years, it's going to be booze, and range time, not in that order, of course.

It is a testament to your good character that this is affecting you as deeply as it is. Eric is lucky to have you around, especially with his dad gone.

He will always love you and you will make it up to him in more ways than one. A trip to Chuck E. Cheese is always a good start but just spending quality time together he will always remember and so will Grandpa or in my case Pawpaw .

When I was five, there was nothing better than a day at the zoo.

The things that disappointed us when we were younger just become relevant and understandable when we are older. He'll get it. And time and toys and the magic of ice cream heal many child wounds.

He will remember it, which sounds bad, but it teaches him the importance of not missing things and lets him remember he is human when he does it when he is older.

Just keep in mind that you're supposed to be retired, the least amount of stuff you have left is health and time. Whatever work you are doing might seem consequential, but in all actuality, the world would still carry on if you dropped dead. IMHO, unless the reward is absolutely needed to stay in retirement or so vast as to be very consequential to the children and/or the grandchildren's future, it probably aint worth it to miss out on the relationships and memories you and your loved ones will hold dear.

quote:

Originally posted by darthfuster:
and a pinky swear promise this will never happen again

I don't know your work situation. But it sounds like - at least right now - you cannot promise that. (Unless you're 100% completely certain that you're never-ever going to do that kind of work again, I suppose. Even then, things happen.)

If you make a big deal about a promise like that, and then for whatever reason cannot follow through the next time too, he'll remember, it'll absolutely crush him, and your relationship may not ever be the same.

Unfortunately, as a parent or really any kind of adult authority figure, while we may make those kinds of statements to others with the best of intentions in the hopes of making them feel better, it's best not to if there's any reasonable chance you may not be able to follow through with it.

As a cop, I got really good at making statements like "I will do my best to help make that happen" versus something like "I promise it definitely will happen".

Dad missed a bunch of holidays, birthdays, school events ballgames, you get the idea. We did plenty of things together on other days though, excellent things in fact.

The lessons I took to heart I guess is that the responsibility to take care of financial obligations can’t be ignored. Dad had a danged good job and he took it seriously and in turn the company took him seriously.

I can see it is a serious concern and I’m not trying to belittle the situation. There is a chance to pass along your strong work ethic, sorta like a consolation prize, but still something of value.