You didn't take somewhere cool?

^^^^^^^ I wanted to, but circumstances didn’t allow. He was happy playing with Papa.

That’s what counts. I’m more confused as to why his mom would be miffed when you explained the situation, but I guess she naturally just wants to protect him from disappointment. Does he have a grandpa on her side too?

This is where the story gets complicated. She’s miffed because she thinks we don’t value our grandson the same as we do our other grandchildren. This isn’t true. But it’s her perception. Her parents are loving grandparents too but there are dynamics between them that I don’t understand. Those circumstances have created tension. I believe it is mostly between father and daughter. Anyway, it all boils down to my daughter-in-law feeling alone raising our grandson, which I hadn’t detected before. This will change too, if she’ll let us. I think after our son passed and we all went off to grieve and recover, we didn’t want to prevent her from moving on. We gave her space. She eventually had a boyfriend. I guess we developed distance that she perceived as too much. That makes me feel awful too.

quote:

Originally posted by darthfuster:
Just a follow up. I went to their house yesterday. Brought a few gifts and spent a couple of hours with him. We flipped through his super hero book and colored his new Spiderman coloring book. I got the colors wrong so he coached me. We pretended the crayon box was his mobile phone and used imaginary apps to turn his powers on and off. It was great fun and I stayed until he lost interest and wandered off to play with the dog. I did apologize and promised to make his birthdays special from now on. His mom is still miffed at me, but she’ll get over it.

Im glad you were able to get home and spend time with him.

An incredibly hard situation. It’s harder to reach out when you’re in pain, because some days it’s just impossible to get out of bed to face another day without your loved one, never mind pick up the phone and ask anyone for help.
I hope you shared with her what you shared with us. That might help her understand and not be quite so hurt.

Everyone says this - I believe it to be true -for me, anyway: Your child is your heart outside your body walking around in the world and you’re praying for it not to be hurt. You lost your heart. Her heart has taken its share of beatings now, and I bet she’ll do anything to protect him at this point. Lashing out at you would be small potatoes.

I’m sad she misunderstood your inability to be there, but it sounds like you’ve taken a good assessment on the situation.
I hope she recognizes your good intentions, and doesn’t consider her child (your grandson) to be second rate in your mind.

Again, I hope you have a heart to heart with her about how loved they both are. I remember your son having struggles, and I hope she doesn’t feel it affects your relationship with the 2 of them.