Any members here ever had to toss a kid out of your house?

December 21, 2025, 03:28 PM

I won't begin to tell you what you need to do here, but I can tell you're feel like you're at the end of your rope. Your wife probably says 'he can't help it', and meanwhile you're saying 'I can't take it'! Plus, it's the holiday season, which is stressful enough and you don't need this right now.

Take a breath...This was eight months ago!

And so Jr. turns 21 today

December 21, 2025, 05:13 PM

armored

I'm not too far from you as far as location.
My kids have all made it past this HARD age group.
It sounds like you might just need somebody to talk it out with that has no attachments to your problems.
If you ever just want to sit down and have a drink someplace and talk, give me a call.

December 21, 2025, 08:47 PM

oldbill123

Child rearing is a joy sometimes.

This was recommended to us at the time

https://www.amazon.com/Boundar...ontrol/dp/0310351804

Cause and effect need to be clearly established. May be too late. People definitely seem more willing to take advantage today and seem to think they are entitled to do so.

December 21, 2025, 09:03 PM

captain127

quote:
Originally posted by mrvmax:
I only have one child and I made it clear that as long as she lived under my roof she would do what i told her or move out. She lived with us until she was 27 and followed our rules the entire time. I gave no leeway to her and she knew I would kick her out if needed.

I have had people tell me that I am too harsh, my ex bosses wife being one of them. Her daughter ended up dropping out of Texas A&M and moving in with a much older man and living in a trailer.

I have friends and acquaintances who have adult children still living with them, not working, sucking up food and money and living however they want with no respect to the parents. I expected my child to go to college, trade school or find full time work (and pay room and board) at 18 while living with me. I charged my daughter room and board (which was a percentage of what she made) so she knew what it would be like to move out and live on her own.

Too many parents let their kids live at home and mooch off of them. That teaches the kids nothing about life and hurts them in the end. I have seen when kids never move out, mooch off the parents that then cannot fend for themselves. The parents pass and the child cannot survive since they were coddled their entire life.

You are not helping your child by enabling them and letting them walk over you. They cannot do that anywhere else and need to learn now before they become the problem of others.

It is tough if your wife is not on board. I hope you can work it out with her. Ultimately all of us have to take orders and listen to others/follow rules. That is life and it is better to learn that early.

I was not much of a disciple problem growing up, but as soon as I graduated college ( there was no reason to move out on my own at that point) I started paying room and board and would not have thought of straying from standard rules of behavior in the household.

Some younger people need the tough love approach and will be better off in the long run for it

December 21, 2025, 09:27 PM

murphman

Has he been receiving professional help for the autism/ADHD/Aspergers? Is he on meds? Any one of those three can result in aberrant and extremely emotional behavior (temper tantrums, intractability, etc.) It would seem questionable that his issues are a matter solely of attitude.
I ask because, if these routes havent been pursued, putting him out may be a blueprint for disaster and worse times for everyone.
To use an extreme example, if he's been professionally diagnosed, and received appropriate treatment, and simply has a bad attitude, that's one thing. If at the other extreme, he's never received any treatment, then it's amazing the problems aren't worse than what you've described.
As a parting thought - and not by way of criticism or disrespect - but almost all ADHD sufferors are emotional and can be short tempered. You as well as the GF's son may both be triggering and responding to each other in a more extreme fashion than typical.
I wish you all the best.

December 21, 2025, 10:57 PM

400m

Thank you armored. I might just take you up on that.

December 22, 2025, 04:09 AM

DaBigBR

quote:
Originally posted by Lt CHEG:
In the first place, I’m very sorry that you are dealing with this. I only have a 7 year old daughter and haven’t had to deal with anything like you describe so I cannot offer any advice in that area. What I can say is that if you do need to kick your son out of the house, at least in NY and I have to believe IL would be the same way, you will need to have a court ordered eviction to legally force him out of the house. As a former uniformed police officer I’ll say this happens more often than one might think, and the only way for you to come out on top from a legal perspective is to have a court ordered eviction. I do wish for the best for you as I can’t imagine how difficult this situation must be for you.

This right here. Know your rights. Know his rights. Know the law. These situations are super frustrating from the LE side and I am sure far far worse from the inside. If it comes down to it, you probably will need an eviction, whether he pays rent, has a lease, or not. Obviously that isn't an issue if he chooses to leave on his own, but few do in these kinds of circumstances.

I hope it works out.

December 28, 2025, 01:57 AM

400m

I would like to thank everyone for their help but I also need to apologize. I just reread my original post and frankly it’s a bit over the top. I don’t recall wording it that strongly but I see that I did. That’s embarrassing and I’m sorry. I really should have calmed down before typing it like that.

My son took it upon himself to apologize to mom for his behavior so I’ve calmed down.

Thanks again everyone.

December 28, 2025, 02:40 AM

wishfull thinker

quote:
Originally posted by 400m:

I would like to thank everyone for their help but I also need to apologize. ,,,snip

No you don't, not as far as I'm concerned. It's gracious of you to do so though. I and obviously others here have been through similar or worse. Part of the way you can tell you aren't over the top is that nobody has said so. The membership here is not shy about what they might think.

I wish you good luck, my man.

December 28, 2025, 08:47 AM

ruger357

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. The red flags that pop up for me is he’s 21 and still doesn’t know that actions have consequences? Also, Mom is not backing you up. Also, family is not backing you up. If they’re willing to call the cops on you, why dont they let Junior live with them? Kids are smart. The reason they act like that is because he knows he can get away with it and Mom will have his back. I’ve had to go through the same thing. Why would he change his ways when it works every time with mom.

December 28, 2025, 09:05 AM

mrvmax

quote:
Originally posted by ruger357:
Kids are smart.

This starts at infancy, I see young parents who are being played by babies. They think if they are crying they need to drop what they are doing and tend to the baby. I will tell them “you know that is a fake cry don’t you?”. You can tell when a baby is really crying versus crying to get attention. You have to stop that from when they are babies or they will continue to play the parents as long as they are allowed.

The best things for children are not always the easy things to do.

December 28, 2025, 09:15 AM

ryan81986

This may sound a bit out of left field but give me some rope and hear me out.

Have you considered therapy? Either for just yourself or for your whole family as one? I think at the minimum, you having some for yourself might help.

Most people associate it with being a negative thing, or with that being a negative statement towards someone, but it's really not. It's an unbiased third party who has training to help guide you through difficult times. It might help you get a clear head on how to handle the difficulties. Whether you choose to kick him out or not.

December 28, 2025, 09:28 AM

jljones

I don’t know what state you reside in but you’ll possible have to go through the formal court preceding eviction process. Which means more stress.

I would consult with a local attorney to find out exactly what is needed to follow through.

Because there’s a high likelihood that when you reach your breaking point, you call the police, and they will do nothing. Because they can do nothing. Eviction, short of paper service and the forcible detainer process, is civil in most states.

December 28, 2025, 10:07 AM

oddball

quote:
Originally posted by 400m:
I just reread my original post and frankly it’s a bit over the top. I don’t recall wording it that strongly but I see that I did.

Maybe ask Para to lock this down.

December 28, 2025, 03:10 PM

Fredward

21? I was out at 16. My brother's shit was put on the porch at 18. I guess I'm old.

December 28, 2025, 03:50 PM

400m

Lock it?
Nah! I’ll let this play out oddball. I posted it, I’ll own it. Apologizing for my mistakes doesn’t bother me at all. I grew up with being an unfocused ADHD kid when not many knew what it was including me. I messed up a lot more than most. So learning to apologize for my interruptions, indiscretions, and forgetfulness came pretty naturally to me.

Jones, I wouldn’t bother wasting a cops time for crap like an argument. They’ve got better things to do. Some people try to utilize the police like they’re babysitters or counselors. They aren’t!