Have you thought of or made plans for after the love of your life passes before you ?

The recent events in New Mexico prompted this thread.

Bonnie is 15 years my elder with numerous health issues.

I am not asking for very personal specifics.

A simple "yes I have a plan or plans" will suffice.

Or Not a clue. Or what ever.

My mind is mostly scrambled about this .

That is the way to grief and madness. Accept that everyone will or has dealt with it and most survive. Otherwise it can consume your daily thoughts and you will waste the time you have

Hookers and blow?

You should have your wills and graves bought. Maybe decide what funeral will look like.
We have the grave sites, stone in place, and will/trust done. Don't know what funeral may look lie. depends on who is still alive to attend

We've talked about it and made plans.

If I were to die first, I have instructions in the bank safety deposit box inside a sealed envelope labeled "In Case of Rey's Death." It has the first few pages of how to get to the complete set of instructions located in encrypted volumes in my hard drive and two encrypted cloud directories.

The instructions include an excel file of all the financial accounts we have including credit cards and where those cards are physically. There's also a file of all automatic payments being made against which accounts. It has instructions on how to open the Quicken file for the latest information.

We have wills and health directives. She has plans if I should start to get Alzheimers.

She has everything she needs to carry on after I die including which relatives she can count on.

If she dies before me, I likewise have plans in case that happens.

25 years before my father's death, I already had his funeral arrangements in place and funded. When he died, it was still a long day at the funeral home but much of the decisions we already made ahead so it was just executing the plan.

My nieces and nephew saw that and they worked with their parents. We did the same thing with my mother-in-law.

I'm okay with dying. All I wish, if possible, is that I die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not like the three passengers in his car as they went off the cliff.

Wife and I have tried our best to have everything already in place and set to go. We each know the others final wishes. Everything is already paid for also. We even have cemetery lot bought and stone in place.

I have a plan for my eventual death.

Will, trust, POA, Advance Directive all up to date.

My estranged spouse? No idea. Don’t really care.

Mrs. PHPaul is just shy of 8 years older than I am and has recently developed health issues that will eventually be life threatening and can't be treated beyond managing the symptoms.

While we've had a general plan for years - wills, "living wills" and funeral-related issues - this has sharpened our focus considerably.

We're both old enough that talking about the inevitable is not all that disturbing. The larger problem is when/if to tell our kids/grandkids. Our youngest is the most practical of our brood and knows the general outline, the other two have a history of over-reaction and maximum drama and haven't been told.

AFAIK I'm in good health with no looming issues. However, shit happens so there is a sealed envelope in my gun safe with account numbers, passwords and instructions on how to deal with various issues. My elder grandson will be our executor and is aware of the existence of those instructions and the general outline of our will.

I knew my wife was going to pass about a year beforehand. (stage 4 cancer diagnosis) You can plan the physical things; funeral, dispositions, last wishes, etc. You cannot plan the emotional. Grief is severe and individually unique.

We have discussed this in length and written down our wishes . We will both be cremated and my ashes will be scattered in a National Forest . Hers will be interred at her Mother's plot . Everything has been paid for already . We have Wills , Living Wills , DNR's and all that good stuff .Insurance policies and legal documents in a red folder in the file cabinet and the kids know where it is .

quote:

Originally posted by selogic:
We have discussed this in length and written down our wishes... <snip> Everything has been paid for already. We have Wills, Living Wills, DNR's and all that good stuff. Insurance policies and legal documents in a red folder in the file cabinet and the kids know where it is.

This is The Way, and we have followed it.

Having prepared wills and trusts for years, the conversations that happen during the conferences to draft the documents, often bring great peace to the parties. They have both thought about it but often have not really discussed it between themselves out loud if you will.

If you are in the camp of you haven't done a will or talked about a trust, I highly suggest meeting with an attorney to discuss it with your mate. For some it is a massive burden relief.

We had everything in place. I was seven years her senior and expected to go first due to health issues. We talked often, mostly how she would get along, after all, I was older. Then came the surprise. 911, ambulance ride, hospital. I lost the love of my life this February. All the worldly issues were in place, but the emotional following has been very difficult. I'm working through it.

After all the legal stuff , after the paper work and signings.

Will you move in with your kids ?

Sell the big house and move into a condo , half the size ?

Assisted living perhaps ?

Maybe get a rental apt. ?

Or
Options not mentioned?

quote:

Originally posted by Rey HRH:

...If I were to die first, I have instructions in the bank safety deposit box inside a sealed envelope labeled "In Case of Rey's Death."...

If the bank finds out about your death before your wife has a chance to access your safety deposit box, it may be sealed and she won't be able to get those instructions. Same with insurance policies, car titles, whatever you have stashed there.

Consider an alternate location for anything that she may need urgent access to. Maybe a second box in her name? They're cheap.

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
After all the legal stuff , after the paper work and signings.

Will you move in with your kids ?

Sell the big house and move into a condo , half the size ?

Assisted living perhaps ?

Maybe get a rental apt. ?

Or
Options not mentioned?

All good questions to consider and try to resolve ahead of time . Too many people think that if they don't talk about it then it won't happen . Some people just don't care and will let others decide for them . Most of our family is in that camp .

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
After all the legal stuff...

Always planned on staying in our existing house and set up retirement so no matter who predeceased, the other was financially able to do so. No kids, we did that already. We even discussed another mate after a time. I chose not to. Nobody yells at me for getting peanut butter in the jelly jar anymore.

I will say this, having the conversation ahead of time is so worth the effort, words fail me to describe the peace knowing this is what she wanted, after the fact.

My wife developed a fatal heart condition back in 2000. At that time we had 2 small sons and I had to do some hard thinking about what life would be like without her. Fortunately we found a great medical team at UVA and they were able to fix the problem.

We now have all the legal documents completed and have even given copies of them to our sons so they know our wishes.

About 2 years ago we sold our beautiful 4500 SF home on the shores of Smith Mt. Lake in VA and moved to a 2800 SF home in Pinehurst to be closer to our oldest son as he frequently deploys and his wife asked for help raising their granddaughter. It worked so well that our plan is to stay here as long as God wills it..

My Mom is 94 and has always been a planner and now lives in a nice Retirement community in NH that has different levels of care so as she gets older they are able to provide for her. In watching how well this has gone both my wife and myself have decided that when the time comes that will be our move as well.

Hopefully not for another couple of decades…

Yes, my wife and I are the same age but she has many health issues so most likely she will go first. As a Christian, her passing is a good thing and I do not look at death like many do. Death means she does not have to live any longer with chronic pain and the other battles she faces daily. Death to the Christian is when we get our reward (which is Christ) and I my (and my wife’s) perspective is much different than most.

My wife and I frequently speak of death, I have told friends not to mourn when I die, it is what I look forward to. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. Death has no victory over me, death has lost its sting.

Yep. We went through the whole living trust/will and testament thing with a lawyer. We are good no matter which of us goes first. Or even if we both go at the same time.