So I won’t go into to too great of detail, the details don‘t really matter.

I just learned a former coworker of mine, one of an extremely few number of coworkers I have built a friendship with, committed suicide. This is the second time I have personally been forced to deal with the suicide of someone I care about, the first was my 16yo nephew over 20 years ago.



This friend was an extremely devoted father of a 9yo daughter. Even though his marriage didn’t work out (like so many don’t) he and his ex stayed friends and shared custody. He moved across the country to be able to maintain that relationship when his ex made the move for a job.

It’s been over 7 years since we worked together, but we occasionally communicated via FB and our shared interests in firearms, even making trades and purchases between each other. I last talked with him just a couple months back when making my first big knife purchase. He was seriously into anything with an edge and I greatly valued his input.


In September I will be 27 years in my job and I can literally count on one hand the number of former coworkers I have kept in touch with. I am an introvert and I don’t make friends easy. I’d rather have 5 of unquestionable loyalty and understanding than dozens of “fair weather friends” who are really no more than “acquaintances”.


So here is the thing, how can anyone do that to their child? How can you post on social media cryptic messages about needing to “sort things out” etc., have dozens of people reach out to help over the course of several days, tell every one “everything is ok” and then do such a selfish act?


Folks, suicide never solves anything. It doesn’t mean things can’t get worse, it guarantees things will never get better and everyone in your life will suffer. It is the biggest ”F YOU!” you can do to anyone who cares about you. Whatever his demons were, whatever pain he was in, there are so many other options, especially when you do have friends and family who care and will help.

As I look back over my 56 years, there were many times I thought I was at my limit and couldn’t go on. Walked up to the edge and looked over so to speak. I stopped and thought about my kids and those people, however few they may be, who I would be forcing to deal with my decision and realized I had a reason to go on. Figure out what was screwed up, make a plan to fix it or to at least move on.


We all like to think we can handle things without help, sometimes help is needed and there is no shame in asking for, or accepting, it.

Anyone who has done any motorcycle riding should understand the concept of “target fixation” - you go where you look, and it can kill you. When you get in a bind, you DON’T focus where you are about to crash. You look for your exit, ride through the hazard to it, and continue on.

Whatever stuff you might have going on, if that is all you focus and dwell on, it WILL consume you. Recognize the danger and find, then focus on, the exit.


Yup, it’s hard. Life can be real fucking hard at times, if you have no one who depends on you or cares about you, then do what you want. Even a cynical old fart like me knows that those folks are extremely rare. If you have at least ONE person who does care, don’t be a selfish prick because while you are ending your life you are passing that pain and hardship on to them.

They will spend years trying to figure out why or what they could have done to change things, trying to figure out where to place blame or fault. It will tear apart other family relationships. The children of people who commit suicide are far more likely to do the same.

If your life is truly that bad and you hurt that deep, why in heaven would you EVER want to pass that on to another, especially someone who cares about you?

It is a permanent “solution” to a temporary situation. Be humble, get help, work through it. Give it a chance, if you are at the edge you really have nothing else to lose do you?


Starting to ramble and getting more pissed off as I type. Better close and see what cold comfort the fridge has to offer. I am back to work Tuesday, gonna be a shitty few weeks as folks deal with this, he was liked by everyone and that is not real common in my line of work.

Condolences on your loss.

I'm really sorry Boss. Wish I had something insightful or wise to say. Suicide sucks. A prayer will be said for his daughter and all who are suffering.

sorry that he did that...I understand the hurt and anger. Condolences...I pray you find peace in all of this somehow realizing you will never get all the answers to questions. peace be with you

My sister committed suicide a while back. I understand what you're going through.

Sorry for your loss. Lost a good friend a few years back. Just never made any sense.

Emotions turn Dr Jekyll into Mr Hyde.
I'm so sorry your friends lost all hope.
Booze, drugs - they are temporary relief that lead only to more of an uphill climb to get through something, imo
If you've not been there - there is no way to empathise.
Hope and prayers for the ones left behind.

I’ve had 5 friends in the last 6 years choosing that path, all Veterans and Police or EMS, all had PTSD diagnosed or undiagnosed, possibly TBI. I empathize with you, but we can’t carry the anger and hopelessness they did, the choice they make as hard as we try to understand we never will, as hopefully we will never be in those shoes. A counselor can help to ease some of the survivor guilt, anger or frustration, been there I know. In the end my prayers for your loss. God Bless,
Spunk

I’m sorry for your loss.

I typed a long reply before, but the short version is that my best friend’s wife hung herself a day before her son’s birthday, a week before Mother’s Day this year. My friend had to tell his six year old son that “Mommy got sick and died” the day after Mother’s Day, when the funeral was held.

I’m still processing it. I pray God comforts the souls of everyone close to your friend and that you find some peace with it.

Sorry for your loss. I can't explain it because I don't understand it. I've lost 2 cousins and an uncle over the years. Also lost 2 battle buddies I served with. It ended their pain but the pain they've let behind blows. Suicide and drug addiction is about the same in my eyes drugs are just a little slower. Lost my favorite cousin to heroin a decade ago and Lost my sister to fentanyl in March and burying my father Tues. He gave up after my sister OD'd, he had stage 4 lung cancer.

I can't understand suicide or drug addiction (slow suicide) Although, I have said if I get Alzheimer's I would take my own life so as the family didn't have to go through that hell. So I guess I do understand at least e little.

Sorry I'm kinda in a fucked up place right now. Been a bad year for my family. Growing up it was just me mom dad and my sister. Lost half my family in 4 months.

It is not the biggest "F You", (although it can be, and usually, the person that does that, goes to great lengths to make that the point).

Suicide is as individual as the person at who's hand it occurs.

Trying to "understand why", may well be the worst waste of energy that there is.

For the most part, at the point that a person is in that mindset, they are no longer thinking rationally, and in many cases, actually think they are doing "the best thing" for those who are most affected/left behind.

If this person was "one of five", do not direct anger and hatred towards him, his memory, or what was imortant between you, rather "reach" to his pain and anguish, and then do whatever you can for those left behind.

For someone in your profession, you have "been there" for folks who you and others might think stronger, when the SHTF. I think this is a time when you need to call upon your strength and experience, to do so again.

And I know this place all to well. It is never an easy path to walk, but you will walk it. How you come out, is on you.

I am sorry you lost your friend.

i too, am sorry boss. Without walking in your friends shoes no one can know.

One thing is known, those left. Especially children have a horrible burden to bare. Something that no child should have to be party too.
Children are subjected to way to many family problems now days. It is one of the most heartbreaking aspects to our current American society.

Again, bud. Very sorry about the loss and the reason for it.

If you want an insiders view from someone who was very close once my email address is in my profile. The short answer to “why” is that when your mind is fucked up then you think fucked up things. It’s easier than you might think to convince yourself that your death is the best thing for the people you love.

Like I said my email address is in my profile. And I’ll talk to anyone about it. Not just the OP.

My condolences and prayers to you and all his family.

For me it was hopelessness. When I reached the state of hopelessness, nothing mattered. As fate would have it I found a measure of hope before I could do the deed. Hope found me really. I wasn't in a state to find it. I'm sorry you lost a friend.

Sad to hear of your loss, my condolences.

Sorry to hear from your loss. With most suicides it's a disturbing mental issue and the people that do it are not thinking clearly or about the other people around them.

Very sorry for your loss.

Not only did a good friend blow his head off with his service pistol, but I had to identify him. His oldest daughter was our God-daughter, too.

One close-to-me suicide was as much as I could take in, so, for those for whom this has been a multiple event, my heart goes out to you all. And, of course, to the OP. We are all left with a WTF and how-could-they-do-that? feeling after a tragedy like this.

I still find it hard to understand how a person without a terrible fatal illness of some kind can take their own life, and feel, most of all, for those left behind.

First of all, let me say that I am very sorry to hear about your friend.

I have been working as a medical examiner investigator(deputy coroner)for the past eight plus years in our county. Suicides are one of those things my partner(only two of us in the county) and I do not get used too. We and other law enforcement are the one's there face to face with family members. Plus, after time, running in to them every now and then in our town.

As mentioned several times in these threads, families are left behind wondering "WTF" for many years. As investigators, we get into medical records, some times there is a lot of info and sometimes there is nothing. I does give me a little closure when I find medical records pack full. Is it still ok to kill yourself, no, but I understand a little more when closing theses cases.

I apologize if I am rambling, but I finally had to comment after seeing this, plus others in the recent past here!

I am so sorry for your loss.

Taco 68 I can relate. I worked on investigations of many suicides in my career. There are always at least a dozen people left in anguish in the aftermath. I could understand it on some level with terminal patients who were in pain, but for the most part it is the ultimate selfish act.