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| Knows too little about too much  |
Hopefully, something to offend everyone! January 3 - Kamala becomes President after Biden passes away peacefully in his sleep underneath her pillow January 4 - Biden revealed to only be mostly dead, regains Presidency January 6 - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dies again January 9 - David French publishes revolutionary op-ed "The Conservative Case For Only Supporting Progressive Causes" January 23 - Streaming services all band together to provide content bundled for $180/month, finally letting you get rid of cable February 12 - Los Angeles Dodgers sign all baseball players in existence, including the reanimated corpses of Babe Ruth, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and Ty Cobb February 23 - Ozempic revealed to give patients a taste for human flesh, thus ushering in the zombie apocalypse February 28 - The population of Mexico reaches 0 as everyone crosses the border into the U.S. March 1 - Americans begin migrating to now-empty Mexico in search of a better life March 2 - Trump asks Ron DeSantis to be his running mate March 3 - Trump tells DeSantis "SIKE!" March 31 - Elon Musk fathers 73rd child April 1 - Biden announces plans to cut government spending, stop funding foreign wars, and secure our own border April 15 - Nothing of note happens April 19 - AOC posts something really dumb on X April 20 - Joel Osteen posts something really dumb on X May 4 - Disney announces all-female Star Wars remake featuring Brie Larson as Luke Skywalker and Lizzo as Obi-Wan Kenobi May 5 - Disney stock price reaches all-time low, Disney execs baffled May 7 - Obama comes out as even gayer May 8 - To raise campaign funds Chris Christie joins OnlyFans May 19 - Pfizer accidentally announces vaccine for new COVID variant that hasn't been released yet May 20 - Pfizer announces new COVID variant June 5 - Trump announces that he has destroyed Hillary Clinton's final Horcrux June 7 - Newsom raises fast food worker minimum wage to $1000 an hour June 8 - McDonald's raises Big Mac price to $1000 July 4 - True Americans fire rockets into the sky and barbecue dead animals, giving some a sliver of hope that we might just survive all this July 9 - Camper full of meth with license plate HUNTER found on White House lawn, Secret Service unable to identify owner July 31 - Global warming causes warm temperatures for 3 months for some reason August 1 - After floods, earthquakes, mudslides, and droughts fail, God sends asteroid to destroy California August 2 - Steve in Des Moines, Iowa, eats a delicious breakfast burrito and all is well in the world for just a few hours August 3 - Steve suffers consequences of eating a breakfast burrito made in Iowa August 22 - Massive protests erupt over manufactured controversy to give Democrats steam going into election September 2 - Valve Software finally releases long-awaited Half-Life 3, but it's a mobile game with microtransactions September 8 - Lizzo eats 3 more backup dancers September 27 - Final kid in America becomes transgender, everyone begins detransitioning since now that's rebellious and cool September 30 - Aiden of Toledo, Ohio finds a really cool stick in the woods October 4 - 162-win Dodgers eliminated from playoffs in first round by 83-win Padres November 1 - San Diego Padres win first-ever World Series (writer of this list is just saying stuff he wants to happen at this point) November 4 - New pandemic, cyberattack, land war, George Floyd 2.0, global famine, alien invasion, civil war begins November 5 - Trump wins election in a historic landslide victory of 128 million votes November 6 - Trump preemptively impeached on 52 different counts November 7 - Biden declared the winner of the election after 127 million mail-in votes arrived overnight November 28 - Biden admin announces that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner has never been lower at $9,628,000 per household December 1 - Your wife completes all the Christmas shopping for you, the kids, everyone you know, and herself December 6 - Southern California man Kyle wins trivia night at a pub and basks in eternal glory December 23 - You wonder if you should get your wife something for Christmas December 25 - Google updates their Google Doodle to recognize the historic birth of a genderqueer lesbian artist woman of color December 26 - Your wife isn't talking to you for some reason December 31 - Despite extensive research efforts, there are still only 2 genders. Weird! TL Davis: “The Second Amendment is special, not because it protects guns, but because its violation signals a government with the intention to oppress its people…” Remember: After the first one, the rest are free. | ||
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Tinker Sailor Soldier Pie |
That was pretty damn good. ~Alan Acta Non Verba NRA Life Member (Patron) God, Family, Guns, Country Men will fight and die to protect women... because women protect everything else. ~Andrew Klavan | |||
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| Just because you can, doesn't mean you should |
Closer to the truth than anything the MSM can come up with. And that's not a joke unfortunately. ___________________________ Avoid buying ChiCom/CCP products whenever possible. | |||
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"Member" |
There were few things in life better than finding a cool stick in the woods. | |||
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Spread the Disease |
Nice. I actually lol’d. ________________________________________ -- Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -- | |||
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| The Unknown Stuntman  |
I'm not on the quidditch team or anything, but as an adult with early 20s aged kids, I know enough about the books to know this is funny as hell.  | |||
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Keeping the economy moving since 1964 |
Great stuff! Still chuckling. ----------------------- You can't fall off the floor. | |||
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| Lawyers, Guns and Money  |
https://babylonbee.com/news/th...predictions-for-2024 "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." -- Justice Janice Rogers Brown "The United States government is the largest criminal enterprise on earth." -rduckwor | |||
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| Member |
April 1st got me for a second until I looked at the date. | |||
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Seeker of Clarity |
Dec 25th made me LOL!  | |||
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goodheart |
Whoever imagined that a tiny bunch of Christian guys with a sense of humor (admitting they have maybe 2-3 jokes all told) would become the must-read site on the internet; and would cause Elon Musk to buy Twitter and overturn the monopoly censorship of social media? _________________________ “Remember, remember the fifth of November!" | |||
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