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| Knows too little about too much  |
Hopefully, something to offend everyone! January 3 - Kamala becomes President after Biden passes away peacefully in his sleep underneath her pillow January 4 - Biden revealed to only be mostly dead, regains Presidency January 6 - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dies again January 9 - David French publishes revolutionary op-ed "The Conservative Case For Only Supporting Progressive Causes" January 23 - Streaming services all band together to provide content bundled for $180/month, finally letting you get rid of cable February 12 - Los Angeles Dodgers sign all baseball players in existence, including the reanimated corpses of Babe Ruth, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and Ty Cobb February 23 - Ozempic revealed to give patients a taste for human flesh, thus ushering in the zombie apocalypse February 28 - The population of Mexico reaches 0 as everyone crosses the border into the U.S. March 1 - Americans begin migrating to now-empty Mexico in search of a better life March 2 - Trump asks Ron DeSantis to be his running mate March 3 - Trump tells DeSantis "SIKE!" March 31 - Elon Musk fathers 73rd child April 1 - Biden announces plans to cut government spending, stop funding foreign wars, and secure our own border April 15 - Nothing of note happens April 19 - AOC posts something really dumb on X April 20 - Joel Osteen posts something really dumb on X May 4 - Disney announces all-female Star Wars remake featuring Brie Larson as Luke Skywalker and Lizzo as Obi-Wan Kenobi May 5 - Disney stock price reaches all-time low, Disney execs baffled May 7 - Obama comes out as even gayer May 8 - To raise campaign funds Chris Christie joins OnlyFans May 19 - Pfizer accidentally announces vaccine for new COVID variant that hasn't been released yet May 20 - Pfizer announces new COVID variant June 5 - Trump announces that he has destroyed Hillary Clinton's final Horcrux June 7 - Newsom raises fast food worker minimum wage to $1000 an hour June 8 - McDonald's raises Big Mac price to $1000 July 4 - True Americans fire rockets into the sky and barbecue dead animals, giving some a sliver of hope that we might just survive all this July 9 - Camper full of meth with license plate HUNTER found on White House lawn, Secret Service unable to identify owner July 31 - Global warming causes warm temperatures for 3 months for some reason August 1 - After floods, earthquakes, mudslides, and droughts fail, God sends asteroid to destroy California August 2 - Steve in Des Moines, Iowa, eats a delicious breakfast burrito and all is well in the world for just a few hours August 3 - Steve suffers consequences of eating a breakfast burrito made in Iowa August 22 - Massive protests erupt over manufactured controversy to give Democrats steam going into election September 2 - Valve Software finally releases long-awaited Half-Life 3, but it's a mobile game with microtransactions September 8 - Lizzo eats 3 more backup dancers September 27 - Final kid in America becomes transgender, everyone begins detransitioning since now that's rebellious and cool September 30 - Aiden of Toledo, Ohio finds a really cool stick in the woods October 4 - 162-win Dodgers eliminated from playoffs in first round by 83-win Padres November 1 - San Diego Padres win first-ever World Series (writer of this list is just saying stuff he wants to happen at this point) November 4 - New pandemic, cyberattack, land war, George Floyd 2.0, global famine, alien invasion, civil war begins November 5 - Trump wins election in a historic landslide victory of 128 million votes November 6 - Trump preemptively impeached on 52 different counts November 7 - Biden declared the winner of the election after 127 million mail-in votes arrived overnight November 28 - Biden admin announces that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner has never been lower at $9,628,000 per household December 1 - Your wife completes all the Christmas shopping for you, the kids, everyone you know, and herself December 6 - Southern California man Kyle wins trivia night at a pub and basks in eternal glory December 23 - You wonder if you should get your wife something for Christmas December 25 - Google updates their Google Doodle to recognize the historic birth of a genderqueer lesbian artist woman of color December 26 - Your wife isn't talking to you for some reason December 31 - Despite extensive research efforts, there are still only 2 genders. Weird! TL Davis: “The Second Amendment is special, not because it protects guns, but because its violation signals a government with the intention to oppress its people…” Remember: After the first one, the rest are free. | ||
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Tinker Sailor Soldier Pie |
That was pretty damn good. ~Alan Acta Non Verba NRA Life Member (Patron) God, Family, Guns, Country Men will fight and die to protect women... because women protect everything else. ~Andrew Klavan | |||
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| Just because you can, doesn't mean you should |
Closer to the truth than anything the MSM can come up with. And that's not a joke unfortunately. ___________________________ Avoid buying ChiCom/CCP products whenever possible. | |||
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"Member" |
There were few things in life better than finding a cool stick in the woods. | |||
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Spread the Disease |
Nice. I actually lol’d. ________________________________________ -- Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -- | |||
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| The Unknown Stuntman  |
I'm not on the quidditch team or anything, but as an adult with early 20s aged kids, I know enough about the books to know this is funny as hell.  | |||
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Keeping the economy moving since 1964 |
Great stuff! Still chuckling. ----------------------- You can't fall off the floor. | |||
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| Lawyers, Guns and Money  |
https://babylonbee.com/news/th...predictions-for-2024 "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." -- Justice Janice Rogers Brown "The United States government is the largest criminal enterprise on earth." -rduckwor | |||
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| Member |
April 1st got me for a second until I looked at the date. | |||
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Seeker of Clarity |
Dec 25th made me LOL! | |||
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goodheart |
Whoever imagined that a tiny bunch of Christian guys with a sense of humor (admitting they have maybe 2-3 jokes all told) would become the must-read site on the internet; and would cause Elon Musk to buy Twitter and overturn the monopoly censorship of social media? _________________________ “Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters. –Daniel Webster (1782-1852)" | |||
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