Was out grocery shopping tonight, I bought a few cases of drinking water. As I was leaving the market and approaching my car in the parking lot, a car just turned into the lot, with window down, rap music playing. The driver honked several times at me. I was like, "WTF is with this thug?" As I opened the trunk, he parked his car, got out, and approached me, mumbling something I couldn't understand. I said to myself, "Here we go, get ready to draw". Guy came to me and said, "I got it, I got it", and proceeded to help me putting the cases of water into the trunk. Finished, he said, "Be blessed", and just walked off. "Thank you, sir, Thank you", I said, standing there still completely surprised by this random act of kindness. Then, a feeling of shame overcame me. I completely misjudged this person by his look.

Event of yesterday, with Botham Jean's brother forgiving Amber Guyger, and what happened tonight to me, are great reminders that I need to do better. Much better. Because, as of now, I am the thug.

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, humanity surprises you for the better.

Nice story.

You can’t judge a book by its cover but that doesn’t mean you let your guard down.

When my MIL was still alive, she opened the door to a stranger walking up. I was on my way to answer the door. Afterwards, I asked her why’d she open the door by her frail self. She said he looked like a decent guy. I asked her does she think people who would bum rush you and do a home invasion would look like home invaders???

You redeemed yourself by coming to the right conclusion about his character.

A few years back I was connecting through Salt Lake City on a flight to Idaho. I'd been at the gate a while. A young man showed up being pushed in a wheelchair. Several thoughts passed; must be nice to always get head of the line. Sorry for him. What will this guy contribute? What would he do if he wasn't limited? Was he always like that, did his life change? And of course, glad it's not me. That was my last thought.

We got to Twin Falls, ID. I got off the airplane, and found the small terminal packed with wellwishers holding banners, TV stations, reporters. Completely filled with people there to support that young man. A young man who was returning service, injured, coming home to a heroes welcome.

If I could have crawled out of that terminal, I would have, but I wasn't tall enough, so I stood at the back and joined the others, humbled.

Books have covers that sell the book, but they don't say squat about what's really inside.

Nothing to be ashamed of in that scenario; I wouldn’t dwell on it or chastise myself over it. I try to keep a neutral attitude about everyone I meet no matter what they look like, but ready to react if they turn out to be a threat. No surprises that way, and no lost sleep.

When people say to me “He looked like a nice guy.” I often reply that John Gacy dressed as a clown and entertained sick children in hospitals.

Unfortunately it's all too often that you can judge a book by it's cover and be correct in your judgement. You crossed paths with a rare occurrence.

When I was training in Ford's auto sales school, this was called "Sight Qualifying" and was to be avoided. I once sold two new vehicles on the spot to a man that the other salesmen wouldn't approach. And I was shamed in a hotel lobby this summer for staring at a black man who noticed and said "Smile!" as he walked by. (Actually, I was staring at his braided beard).

Happens to the best of us.

Years ago, as a young banker, I was approached by a grizzly old guy dressed in farmer's coveralls who wished to borrow a few hundred dollars for new hearing aids. He needed them too as he was very hard to communicate with. Even though I knew this was a waste of time, I listened to his story and finally asked how he proposed to secure the loan. (I knew I had him there). He reached into his bibs and pulled out a paper that listed about $2.5 million in tax free bonds that he was willing to pledge.

I about passed out. Needless to say, I made him an unsecured loan.

I then visited with one of our senior lenders about this person. He said - Oh ya, he sold his ranch a number of years ago and invested wisely.

I learned a lesson without stepping on myself.
Mike

I have come to firmly believe that one of the great things about America is we are all so different with shared values. It is what scares me and gives me hope at the same time.

My wife is one of those outgoing can make friends with anyone. She embraces life and meets some fantastic people. I’m like my Grandfather - a serious Scotsman who is generally suspicious. But after 40, I started opening myself to different “books”, welcome the conversation and chance.

I’m constantly questioning if I am judging on appearance and difference from myself. Given a chance, people will surprise you and your life is better for it. The cover almost never matches the book. It goes the other way too...I.E. that upstanding well dressed businessman is a philandering crook with no ethics.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
Then, a feeling of shame overcame me. I completely misjudged this person by his look.

Q, don't be ashamed. Hell, pat yourself on the back.

From what you described, you were judging the situation by profiling, not just by looks. It was night time. Unknown driver honks at you. A guy you don't know approaches you at night time in a parking lot, mumbling to himself.

My situational awareness would have been peaking right there. The situation turns out to be fine, but it could have easily been the opposite. IMO, you reacted the way I would react.

The best thing about this is that you were aware of your shortcomings, addressed it, and did something about it.

98% of the people in this country do not have this quality.

You do.

Q, I hope I react as you did in the same situation. Your thinking was spot on as you had no idea of other persons intentions. To me, you were practicing situational awareness. As soon as you heard the music you automatically switched gears without panic and kept an eye on the situation. As soon as the person exited thier vehicle, you kept your cool again, not knowing what plan they had in mind. I am glad it went the way it did though. Pickle !!!!

As an ex-cop, its my habit to threat assess on those around me. I am prepared to react if things go bad, but until they do, I put on a happy face.
I recently saw this bumper sticker:
I Have Just Met You, But I Have Already Thought Of Three Ways To Kill You!

It's humbling isn't it? Not long ago I answered an advertisement on another gun forum for a fairly expensive optic. We worked out the details in public but the shipping information and actual names were exchanged in private. When he told me his name and his location I paused and worried that I was about to be defrauded out of $700. That judgment was based solely on the Islamic nature of his name and the fact that he was located in New Jersey. My reflex was to cancel the deal based solely on the fact that he was Islamic.

I felt guilty for my prejudice but conflicted because stereotypically he fit a profile that I had observed as sketchy. I decided I would trust him but expected to lose my money. To my great surprise the young man was honest as the day is long. Not only did I get the optic that we had negotiated for he included extra mounts and lens protectors and some other nice things that amounted to quite a bit of value. Not only that but he sent everything expeditiously at greater expense on his part.

After receiving the package I contacted him back and ask him about his background. He said he is from a Palestinian family living in Jerusalem. He goes to school in New Jersey. I apologize to him for my reflective judgement. He was gracious and forgiving.

I had to repent a few years ago for doing the same thing. I was eating with my family at a restaurant, and in walks a group of people who were very obviously not from the area. They looked like they had just teleported in from Compton. The leader of this family (I think they were all related - there were older adults and younger children) was dressed like an up and coming rap star, and I immediately judged him because of the way he looked. I then watched as this young man helped everyone get seated, took their orders, got their food and drinks, and then, when he was done doing all that, he had everyone at their table hold hands while he said a prayer. I learned a very important lesson that day.

quote:

Originally posted by mcrimm:
Years ago, as a young banker, I was approached by a grizzly old guy dressed in farmer's coveralls who wished to borrow a few hundred dollars for new hearing aids. He needed them too as he was very hard to communicate with. Even though I knew this was a waste of time, I listened to his story and finally asked how he proposed to secure the loan. (I knew I had him there). He reached into his bibs and pulled out a paper that listed about $2.5 million in tax free bonds that he was willing to pledge.

I about passed out. Needless to say, I made him an unsecured loan.

I then visited with one of our senior lenders about this person. He said - Oh ya, he sold his ranch a number of years ago and invested wisely.

I learned a lesson without stepping on myself.
Mike

I worked at prepping new cars one summer when I was 16. Happened to be dusting off one of the showroom cars when an older guy came in the showroom. He was dressed in worn, dirty jeans, cowboy boots, and a beard.

Salesman ignored him and the guy went to the head salesman and asked for some info. That guy basically told the old guy that he had no time to talk to bums.

The guy went to the head office, asked to speak to the dealership owner. He bought the dealership and fired the whole sales staff.

That incident made the newspaper, too.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
Was out grocery shopping tonight, I bought a few cases of drinking water. As I was leaving the market and approaching my car in the parking lot, a car just turned into the lot, with window down, rap music playing. The driver honked several times at me. I was like, "WTF is with this thug?" As I opened the trunk, he parked his car, got out, and approached me, mumbling something I couldn't understand. I said to myself, "Here we go, get ready to draw". Guy came to me and said, "I got it, I got it", and proceeded to help me putting the cases of water into the trunk. Finished, he said, "Be blessed", and just walked off. "Thank you, sir, Thank you", I said, standing there still completely surprised by this random act of kindness. Then, a feeling of shame overcame me. I completely misjudged this person by his look.

Event of yesterday, with Botham Jean's brother forgiving Amber Guyger, and what happened tonight to me, are great reminders that I need to do better. Much better. Because, as of now, I am the thug.

From this heathen to you brother.

A-men.

The human is an odd thing. Values hidden behind facades.
Facades in place as currency in ones daily culture, to project image and import, yet give no quarter to values.

Another Amen.

I endeavor to be that kind gentle soul who abhors violence and rude behavior. Though on occasion, others have misjudged me. Appearances can be deceiving and even actions can indicate misdirection. For me, situational awareness is paramount though I am generally willing to accept first impressions as accurate.