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Political Cynic
Picture of nhtagmember
posted
whats the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

you take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline



[B] Against ALL enemies, foreign and DOMESTIC


 
Posts: 54058 | Location: Tucson Arizona | Registered: January 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the clarinet recital
 
Posts: 7781 | Registered: October 31, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Baroque Bloke
Picture of Pipe Smoker
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Victor Borge: “My father played the viola. A lot of people don't know the difference between the violin and viola. Unfortunately, my father happened to be one of them.

Actually, the difference is that the viola burns longer.”



Serious about crackers
 
Posts: 9693 | Location: San Diego | Registered: July 26, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?

Put sheet music in front of him.

------

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

------

How can you tell a drummer's at the door?

His knocking slows down.



"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." Sherlock Holmes
 
Posts: 1286 | Registered: February 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Drug Dealer
Picture of Jim Shugart
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How can a girl tell she's kissing a horn player?
He tries to put his hand up her butt.



When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
 
Posts: 15529 | Location: Virginia | Registered: July 03, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Conductor in Residence
Picture of Maestro
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How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?

One- she holds it, and the world revolves around her.



How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?

None- they can't get that high.



What's the difference between a drummer and Dr Scholl's foot pads?

Foot pads buck up the feet.



What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
 
Posts: 3696 | Location: Tampa Bay, FL | Registered: July 23, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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What do you throw a drowning French horn player?
His case.
 
Posts: 7781 | Registered: October 31, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Eating elephants
one bite at a time
Picture of ffips
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What's brown and sits on a piano bench?

Beethoven's fifth movement.
 
Posts: 3587 | Location: in the southwest Atlanta metro area | Registered: September 10, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Political Cynic
Picture of nhtagmember
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Big Grin



[B] Against ALL enemies, foreign and DOMESTIC


 
Posts: 54058 | Location: Tucson Arizona | Registered: January 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
W07VH5
Picture of mark123
posted Hide Post
Singer: Knock, knock.

Guitarist: Who's there?

Singer: The singer

Guitarist: The singer who?

...

Guitarist: THE SINGER WHO?!?

Singer: Oh, is this where I come in?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mark123,
 
Posts: 45674 | Location: Pennsyltucky | Registered: December 05, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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What is better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.


Awake not woke
 
Posts: 603 | Location: Citrus Springs, Fl. | Registered: January 02, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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What are your thoughts on Liberace?

He was a virtuoso on the piano but sucked on the organ.


Because son, it is what you are supposed to do.
 
Posts: 1882 | Location: Escaped to TN | Registered: October 29, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Coin Sniper
Picture of Rightwire
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What do drummers usually get on their exams"
- Drool



A three piece band consisting of a guitarist, bass player and drummer were schedule for a gig. The drummer was in an accident in route and would be very late. The other two decided to start without him. They agreed that during each solo, the other would walk to the other end of the venue and listen. The concert proceeded and both did as planned. When they convened during their break to compare notes they both said the same thing.... "Too much drums"



One night out on the prairie a group of settlers and their Indian guide had camped for the night. As they were getting ready for bed drums started in the distance. The settlers began to get nervous but the Indian guide assured them "Hear drums, all ok"

After a while the drums suddenly stopped and the Indian guide was heard saying "uh oh". In the midst of scrambling for weapons fearing attack someone yelled to the guide frantically "WHAT NOW!!

The guide responded with fear in his voice "Bass solo"




Pronoun: His Royal Highness and benevolent Majesty of all he surveys

343 - Never Forget

Its better to be Pavlov's dog than Schrodinger's cat

There are three types of mistakes; Those you learn from, those you suffer from, and those you don't survive.
 
Posts: 38472 | Location: Above the snow line in Michigan | Registered: May 21, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Delusions of Adequacy
Picture of zoom6zoom
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Ya gotta B Sharp to beat these guys to a joke.




I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
 
Posts: 17944 | Location: Virginia | Registered: June 02, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by zoom6zoom:
Ya gotta B Sharp to beat these guys to a joke.


Sorry, but that joke was flat.

Wink



"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." Sherlock Holmes
 
Posts: 1286 | Registered: February 26, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Political Cynic
Picture of nhtagmember
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Q: what is the definition of a half-tone?

A: two bagpipes in tune


Q: why are bagpipers always marching?

A: they're trying to get away from the noise



[B] Against ALL enemies, foreign and DOMESTIC


 
Posts: 54058 | Location: Tucson Arizona | Registered: January 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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How do you get a drummer off your front porch?

You pay them for the pizza...


What does a clarinet player use for birth control?

Their personality...


___________________________
"Those that can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others..."
 
Posts: 724 | Location: NE Iowa | Registered: October 30, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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A musician is a person that loads $5,000 worth of equipment into a van and drives 100 miles to a gig that pays $50.
Rod


"Do not approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction." John Deacon, Author

I asked myself if I was crazy, and we all said no.
 
Posts: 1747 | Location: Between Rock & Hard Place (Pontiac & Detroit) | Registered: December 22, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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