Hope this catches on. This could be a lot of fun for a long time.

We are hosting three of our granddaughters this weekend. At the dinner table Grandma is asking the girls what they are learning in school. When she gets to the youngest, a first grader, she replies "math". My wife asks "oh, adding and subtracting?" "No" our granddaughter replies. "Just math."

Out for pizza with friends years ago, one couple had brought along their niece and nephew. The adults were discussing a new movie that had just came out, and someone asked if anyone knew where it was playing. Ryan the nephew piped up, proud as hell that he knew ---

"At a theater near you"

When our daughter was probably about 8-10 years old and we were stuck in traffic:

She: Dad, why are we going so slow?
Me: Because of all the traffic.
She: Why is there so much traffic?
Me: Because everyone is just leaving work now and so there are more cars out than usual.
She: Oh.
Me: It's called rush hour.
She: ...thinking for a few minutes...
She: Dad, it shouldn't be called rush hour, you should call it "slow poke hour".
Me: I laughed like crazy. Told her she was right. And I still repeat it today.

Once, when our daughter was about four she mouthed off to her Mother once too often & she got her ass swatted & was told to go to her room.

While walking out of the kitchen, she turned around & said to my wife, “Not so goddam hard!”

She’s 48 now & has two teenage daughters that are just like she was.

We were at a restaurant once when our son was very small, & I told my wife I was going to the bathroom. She said that I should take Chip along to see if he had to go too.

I took him in one of the stalls & stayed with him while he did his thing. After he was finished I took a leak in the urinal. He had never been in a public men’s room before, so the whole urinal thing was kind of fascinating for him.

When we left the restroom he ran across the crowded restaurant to our table yelling, “Mom! Dad peed in the sink.” Luckily, we were finished eating, so I got away pretty quickly.

I've told this one here a long time ago. My son, now 17, was probably about 5 or 6 when we went to Disney World. We had his little brother in a stroller so when we got to the turnstiles to go in they opened the gate for my ex-wife to go in. My older son looked at her and said, "Did they open the gate because your butt's so big?" I almost died laughing. She was not amused.

Wife took all 3 boys to the barber the other day.
The 3 year old had to go to the bathroom so she walked him to the bathroom and went back out.
She said that you could hear him grunting in the bathroom. A few minutes later she said he came out with shorts and underwear still around his ankles and said “ohh Mom you have got to come see this”

Our then 5 yr old son goes up to his Montessori teacher as his mother is dropping him off for a the day.

Todd: “My mom has vaginal itching, she has Monistat cream in her drawer.”

Ms Manic: “Oh My!”

My wife turns 5 shades of red

Then he goes into a word for word reciting of the current Monistat commercial. He is now a Pharmacist!

Now one from when I was a small child.

We were at Mass and I believe I was around 8 years old with my parents. The experience was still pretty new to me and as the Priest was wiping the chalice I proclaimed out loud;

"Look Dad, now he is doing the dishes!"

Everyone around us started laughing and Dad turned red.

My wife gave our 4 yr old granddaughter some rosary beads for Christmas. Nicely wrapped with a ribbon, etc. She opened the box, decided she didn't like the contents, looked under the cotton "stuffing", threw the box down and asked, "Hey where's my gift receipt?"

I remember Art Linkletter’s TV show, “Kids Say the Darndest Things”. He once asked a little girl if she knew how to spell “banana”.

“Yes,” she replied, “but I don’t know when to stop.”

Some decades ago I was at a friends house. Her little sister came running out to tattle on her older brother to her father, saying "Russell hit me back!"

My son started talking way early, like creepy early. Once while changing his diaper he told my wife "don't forget to clean my sack". She was not amused

He was playing in a youth soccer game for preschool kids, and each team had colors, white team, green team, etc. He was on the white team and playing against the green. He kept coming over to me and mom and we were telling him to go hang out with his team and cheer them on. So he ran over and started yelling "go white kids! White kids rule!" Again, the wife wasn't as amused as I was

I have told this one before...

When my oldest was 3 or so we would hand out at the LGS/range, I need the owners and all the guys got a kid out of the boy. One day my wife met us there and as they walking out one of the local STLPD guys came walking down the entrance hall. He was pretty damned big, my son saw him and screamed "giant cholate man" turned around and ran behind the counter. The guys behind the counter almost died laughing....my wife turned 5 shades of red. One of the guys behind the counter....the one my boy normally hung out with, Al...almost black looked at my wife and in his STX drawl..."well to a 2 yo he is a giant chocolate man".....which stuck as the fellow in questions's nickname for sometime

We were having communion at church one Sunday morning and when they passed out the grape juice, my daughter said, very loudly, "Look Dad, shot glasses!" I could have crawled under the pews.

I subbed a few days last week for the 4 year old preschool at the school I send my kids to. Behaving in a classroom is new to most of them, so raising your hand, staying in your seat, walking silently in a line, yes sir/no sir, etc. One little girl was having trouble and after the fourth time of my telling her to stay in her seat she raises her hand and asks, "Why are you so happy when you're mad?" They're 4 and 5, so I was really trying to smile, be calm while still being stern so they would get the point without making them cry.

Ok, I have one.

We had a marine officer for a neighbor. Wife, blonde daughter of 5 or 7 years old, talking and walking age in any case. They just had a baby.

My wife and I and the dad was talking on our front lawn by the mail box. The dad hands my wife the baby to hold while we're talking.

The blonde girl walks by on the sidewalk pushing the empty baby stroller. She mentions out loud as she passes by, eyes straight ahead, matter of factly, "ooh, they have a baby just like ours!"

My wife, the dad and I just looked at each other and burst out laughing. It was so cute and funny at the time.

I love these.

One of my favorite memories was when my daughter was about 4 or 5 and was on her first airplane flight. We were flying out of O'Hare which usually has lots of delays. We got hung up waiting for departure clearance for about 30 minutes. While we were sitting there waiting, my daughter pipes up in a voice that everyone around us can hear and says: "Are we there yet??"

Later on the same flight, we get served the usual chicken lump dinner. My daughter takes one bite and announces: "This is yucky. I want a hot dog!" The guy in the seat behind us almost lost his meal he was laughing so hard.

Another one.

When my boys were pretty young (8 to 10 years), my office had a family outing. One of my colleagues was married to a fellow who was a Captain in the Marine Corp and they both attended.

I introduced my boys to him and said "This man is a United States Marine". Without missing a beat, one of my boys blurts out: "Do you really eat barbed wire and piss napalm?" He replied, also without missing a beat, "Why yes, son, all Marines do."

In the pool with my daughter who was 3 at the time, she looks up, sees an airplane and asks me "Daddy, where is that airplane going?"
I reply, "I believe it's going to Miami."
She asks me, "Where is your Ami?"

In church, waiting in line for communion, my 4 yo son who had been in speech therapy for a year, loudly blurts out in the clearest voice he had ever used, "I'M FRUSTRATED!"

Today, at a birthday for a 9 yo boy, the boys where playing with a helium balloon in the shape of a 9. One of the boys turns it upside down and says it's a 6. Another boy grabs it and starts shooting people with it cause it's a 6 gun.