The incident related by Black92LX reminds me of what I experienced when my own son was being potty trained. I don’t recall his exact age, probably about 2 and a half years old.

To encourage him to use the toilet instead of urinating in his pants we would sometimes use the restroom together. It was cool to do something like dad. One particular day we were standing there both relieving ourselves. He looks up at me and asks “Daddy, how come your peepee is so big?” I told him it was because I was a grown up and when he grew up his would be big too. Without hesitating a bit, he said, “Yes, as big as a house!” He’s 40 years old now, I have no clue.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
Another one.

When my boys were pretty young (8 to 10 years), my office had a family outing. One of my colleagues was married to a fellow who was a Captain in the Marine Corp and they both attended.

I introduced my boys to him and said "This man is a United States Marine". Without missing a beat, one of my boys blurts out: "Do you really eat barbed wire and piss napalm?" He replied, also without missing a beat, "Why yes, son, all Marines do."

Pissing Napalm is dead easy, you just make sure you aren't smoking. What is a problem is when the barbed wire comes out, every time you wish you had a pint of Crisco with that barbed wire.

I had a friend who had a couple rats invade his basement. Apparently he referred to them as those effin rats a time or two too many. One day he's checking the traps and yells up to his wife that he got one. His oldest daughter (3 or 4 at the time) asked if she could come down and look. He said that she could. She goes downstairs and looks at the rat and looks up at her dad. Is the effer dead?

When my daughter was about 3 I heard her crying as I passed by her bedroom. I went in and layed down on the bed with her and asked what she was crying about. What followed was a long, rather confusing dialogue about pre-school and our dog and kids and...I forget what else.

She had stopped crying quite a bit earlier and we layed there quietly for a moment when she turned toward me and said, “Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

I had a good one today.
We all went to Cheesecake Factory with some friends for my wife’s birthday. My 2.5 year old was objecting be having to be in the high chair and my wife was attempting to explain that he needed to sit for dinner. As she is talking to him he turns away, turns back puts his finger to his lips and says ssssh you don’t talk anymore.
It took every part of me to not bust out laughing, however everyone else at the table was nearly in tears. He was quite proud of himself.

My son asked

"What are those?" While pointing at a bank of payphones

I stumbled upon this old thread by accident. Some funny posts herein, I think.

My grandson seems to think I'm an expert on everything. He asks the strangest questions. Not sure how this one popped into his head:

Q. If every single person in the world farted at the exact same time, what would happen?

A. This is what I came up with: That depends. If they were all silent but deadly farts, everyone would probably suffocate. If they were real blasting farts, it could affect the rotation of the earth.

You can't make this stuff up. And I did not make this up.

On a trip to Gatlinburg TN, My son, then about 7, wanted to order an expensive cheeseburger from the adult menu for lunch. I objected to the cost of the burger but he was adamant about ordering it. After being served, he took one bite and then ignored it. When I asked why he did not eat the burger after ordering it, he said "I dont like Gatlinburg cheese"!

I'd bet more than a few of us were given clothes that were a bit too large sometimes while growing up. It was always the old saw "don't worry, you'll grow into it." And then you did.

Some years ago, when my buddy's kid was about 8 years old, his mother took him to run errands and wound up at the mall. She sent him into the dressing rooms to try on some pants. When he came out, the clerk told him that she was in the ladies dressing room.

She came out wearing a new dress and was pulling and fussing with it, saying it was too big. The kid said, in all earnestness, 'Don't worry Mom, you'll grow into it."

You had probably guessed where this was headed already. And I swear, this actually happened.

I sent a version of this in to readers digest at the time, and they didn't use it. Bastages.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 83v45magna,

I read this somewhere.
“My toddler was about to hit her head on a bar at the playground so I told her to duck and she
quacked at me. And then she hit her head”

quote:

Originally posted by wreckdiver:
Out for pizza with friends years ago, one couple had brought along their niece and nephew. The adults were discussing a new movie that had just came out, and someone asked if anyone knew where it was playing. Ryan the nephew piped up, proud as hell that he knew ---

"At a theater near you"

The power of advertising...

Two weeks ago my elder brother was having party for his two year old daughter. There were lot of kids around. A boy was asked if he had gotten any drink and he said "Yeah i have had sodas in can but not in a glass"

A fellow I was working with had a six year old grandson. Little Hunter loved watching western movies with grandpa. One day, they had watched a John Wayne movie, then Hunter went outside with his cap guns, and grandpa's black hat to play as Rooster Cogburn. Grandma told him to come inside, it was bath time. Hunter put his hands on his cap guns, looked her in the eye, and yelled "Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!" Grandma didn't find this as funny as grandpa did.

When my son was about four, he had gotten a set of Darth Vader pajamas. He loved and still loves Star Wars, so of course, a Vader mask and lightsaber happened. Its hard to have lightsaber duels by yourself, so I got a green one and we would play. Ok, I was re-living my childhood, whatever. Anyways, one day while playing around, he said something about joining the dark side, imagining me as Luke I suppose. So I responded with “I’ll never join you!” He pointed at me with his lightsaber and declared in a confident tone “You will join me... for lunch!” He was dead serious about it, too. I immediately doubled over in laughter and the game was over because I couldn’t get it together. As long as I live, I hope I never forget that moment.

quote:

Originally posted by Plugugly:
A fellow I was working with had a six year old grandson. Little Hunter loved watching western movies with grandpa. One day, they had watched a John Wayne movie, then Hunter went outside with his cap guns, and grandpa's black hat to play as Rooster Cogburn. Grandma told him to come inside, it was bath time. Hunter put his hands on his cap guns, looked her in the eye, and yelled "Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!" Grandma didn't find this as funny as grandpa did.

Grandma would've been unhappy with me as well, because I'd have been literally rolling around on the floor with tears running down my cheeks, gasping for air!

Last weekend I had my 4 year old grandson at my house. I had conversations with my daughter about using swear words when he is around. She blames her husband.
Anyway, we are on my deck when a chipmonk starts walking across the deck. I said "hey Lex look at the chipmonk". He looks at the chipmonk and says "hey you little bastard, get over here". Funny, yet at the same time I had to explain to him that swearing isn't acceptable and I was bring him home for that reason. I know there will be a big problem if he keeps this up.

One more, I subbed for a teacher and was passing back papers. A student asks is this a 17 or a 71?

We had this game with my then 4-year-old nephew where you'd say something to the effect of "I'm gonna eat you up" and mime eating with sound effects.

One day he looks at me and immediately shouts in response, "You can't eat me cause I'm made of real!" I got a kick out of that.

Seems my great-granddaughter has picked up a few new words. She's 2-1/2.

We (Dad, Grandma and I) need to work at breaking her of the habit, mostly by not using them ourselves, but it's nearly impossible to keep a straight face because she uses them so appropriately.

I was visiting yesterday and she dropped her "squeezy" (a foil pack of fruit paste) and very calmly and distinctly said "goddammit!"

Apparently she uses the F-bomb when (in)appropriate too.