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There once was a Man from Nantucket! - Today is National Limerick Day! Login/Join 
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The earliest published version appeared in 1902 in the Princeton Tiger written by Prof. Dayton Voorhees:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

Expect nothing less than a ribald retort SF!



 
Posts: 19052 | Registered: November 07, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Peace through
superior firepower
Picture of parabellum
posted Hide Post



This one, I composed for a friend of mine, in honor of a surprise he received.

There once was a man named Al
Whom I considered my pal.
He went on a date
And found out too late
That his girlfriend wasn't a gal.
 
Posts: 98041 | Registered: January 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Jimbo Jones
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There was a young man from Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.


---------------------------------------
It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.
 
Posts: 3527 | Location: Cary, NC | Registered: February 26, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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A pretty young Miss from St. Paul
wore a newspaper dress to a ball
The dress caught on fire
and burned her entire

front page, sporting section and all.


_____________________
 
Posts: 13791 | Location: Florida | Registered: June 23, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Deal In Lead
Picture of Flash-LB
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There once was a man from Racine
Who invented an automatic screwing machine
Concave or convex, it would take either sex
But oh what a bastard to clean.
 
Posts: 8758 | Location: Gilbert Arizona | Registered: March 21, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Drug Dealer
Picture of Jim Shugart
posted Hide Post
In Grangemouth there's an oil refinery,
A port, a canal, and a winery.
And to thrill you to bits
All the girls have 10 tits
That is if you count them in binary.



When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
 
Posts: 15222 | Location: Virginia | Registered: July 03, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Legalize the Constitution
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Gunfighter Joe; An Epic Limerick

There was once a gunfighter named Joe
Who’s hands were decidedly slow
Still Joe was not worried
As quickly he hurried
To a spot, pre planned by the door

His opponent called Panhandle Jack
At Joe’s challenge was taken aback
“Face me?” Jack cried
“Why with speed on my side,
You’re twice dead ‘for your hammer’s pulled back

Well Joes played his cards
They were stacked
And this was one more as nineteen before
Joe challenged, and faced, then, Crack!
And Jack hit the ground
Hearing only the sound
‘Cuz Joe faced not Jack’s front
But Jack’s back.
- TMats


_______________________________________________________
Keep you eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel
 
Posts: 11395 | Location: Wyoming | Registered: January 10, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Deal In Lead
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There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina in North Caroline
And her arsehole in Buckingham Palace
 
Posts: 8758 | Location: Gilbert Arizona | Registered: March 21, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Notary Sojac
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On the chest of a barmaid named Gail
Was tattooed all the prices of ale
While on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was precisely the same but in braille.


A pirate the story relates
Loved to go dancing on skates
Then he fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And virtually useless on dates.



In the land of the dark,
the ship of the sun is driven by the Grateful Dead
 
Posts: 351 | Location: Maryland | Registered: June 13, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Muzzle flash
aficionado
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The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called a hen a "most elegant creature".
The hen, pleased with that,
Laid an egg in his hat.
And thus did the hen reward Beecher.

(there are clean limericks)

flashguy




Texan by choice, not accident of birth
 
Posts: 26714 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: May 08, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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A lesbian trucker named "Mike"
Drove dildos at night down the pike.
When asked by the fuzz
What it was that she does,
She replied "I'm a fake-dick van dyke".
 
Posts: 3135 | Location: Western PA | Registered: July 20, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
My other Sig
is a Steyr.
Picture of .38supersig
posted Hide Post
There once was a cabbie from Cyer.
Who drove through a pole while for hire.
He had the desire,
To touch a live wire,
And any last line will do here.



Support Sigforum and Para! https://fundrazr.com/01zWgc?ref=ab_8BFKzc
 
Posts: 7732 | Location: Somewhere looking for ammo that nobody has at a place I haven't been to for a pistol I couldn't live without... | Registered: December 02, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
אַרְיֵה
Picture of V-Tail
posted Hide Post
While Titian was mixing his madder,
His model was posed on a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had her.



Any cocktail can be a shrimp cocktail if you put your mind to it, and if you carry lots of loose shrimp in your pocket.

הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
 
Posts: 26917 | Location: Central Florida, Orlando area | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Keeping the economy moving since 1964
Picture of chbibc
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A mathematician named Hall,
Has a hexahedronical ball,
The cube of its weight
Times his pecker length, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call..


-----------------------
You can't fall off the floor.
 
Posts: 8005 | Location: Rochester, NY behind enemy lines | Registered: March 12, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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There once was a boy in my class, his balls were made out of glass, they jingled together played stormy weather and lightening shot out of his ass.
 
Posts: 313 | Location: Central Illinois | Registered: December 10, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Deal In Lead
Picture of Flash-LB
posted Hide Post
There once was a man named McNair
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the bannister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
 
Posts: 8758 | Location: Gilbert Arizona | Registered: March 21, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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From one of my all-time favorite movies...

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.



"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne

"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24
 
Posts: 8915 | Location: NW Houston | Registered: April 04, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Duke of Detroit
posted Hide Post
Sorry, I'm late,

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One just entered my head.
If a man can't drink when he is living,
How can he drink when he is dead?



The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas
 
Posts: 1046 | Location: Detroit, MICHIGAN | Registered: May 10, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
אַרְיֵה
Picture of V-Tail
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I really had to search for limericks that are suitable for most audiences and do not cause sixth grade boys to giggle guiltily.

I found a few.

There was a young lady named Bright
who traveled much faster than light.
She set out one day
in a relative way,
and came back the previous night.

A mosquito cried out in pain:
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
was para-dichloro-
diphenyl-trichloroethane.

There’s no seeing eye to eye
with the awesomely huge Hippopotami:
on the bank, you’re much taller;
going under, you’re smaller
and assuredly destined to die!



Any cocktail can be a shrimp cocktail if you put your mind to it, and if you carry lots of loose shrimp in your pocket.

הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
 
Posts: 26917 | Location: Central Florida, Orlando area | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Void Where Prohibited
Picture of WaterburyBob
posted Hide Post
Of all the fishes in the sea
I'd like to be a bass
I'd climb up on a slippery rock
And slide down on my ... fins


Of all the birds I'd like to be
I'd like to a duck
I'd walk along the sandy shores
And watch the people ... swim



"If Gun Control worked, Chicago would look like Mayberry, not Thunderdome" - Cam Edwards
 
Posts: 15933 | Location: Under the Boot of Tyranny in Connectistan | Registered: February 02, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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