I’m trying. I’m really trying. However, the twins’ (boys) entire personality is Fortnight. Sure, they’re only 10 but they seem like such duds. The one has a girlfriend, that means they play fortnight together. We gave them $50 for their birthday and asked what they wanted to buy. “Fortnight skins”.

I asked if they wanted to learn to play guitar. They both said yes. They were supposed to come over but they wanted to play fortnight with their mom’s boyfriend instead.

My other grandkids (6 year old girl) adores them so I’m not sure that I’ll be able to dissuade her from being just a follower but she’s attracted towards all the duds and troublemakers.

The last time I watched them, I took their tablets and phones and went to put them up so we could do something interesting. I turned around to see all three crying. I’m not cut out for this, guys. I fear they’re going to grow up stupid and a burden on society.

How do you get kids interested in something worthwhile?

I have to demonstrate my abject ignorance: I do not know about Fortnite!

I searched and found this extensive Q&A:

https://parentzone.org.uk/article/fortnite

For those interested, the site answers most queries that I had…

Tillman

Just a few thoughts:
I think it has to start with their parents at home. You need their support. Time limits set on devices. The struggle is real, and if I let my kid, he would also do that. It is a daily battle, and it is SO easy for them to slide off while you’re busy doing something..and they wait and watch for those opportunities.

I am far from perfect with my kid, but I know it can be done, and we are a work in progress. Screens/online games are incredibly addictive, and that’s no joke.

Talk to the parents. They should be thrilled you want time with them, and especially without their devices. I’m a little shocked that “mom” didn’t shut the boyfriend down and prioritize you over him. That said, you may have to bring your A game on interacting with the kids if you’re going to say “no devices” at my house.

Tleddy brings up a good point- you could have lots of interesting conversations about Fortnite- I’m sure they’d talk your ear off educating you- mine does. I can’t say I’ve learned much though, tbh.

You’re fighting drugs. They get instant shots of endorphins from being on their screens. Things that are worthwhile take real world effort to get the same results. It’ll be a losing battle if the parents don’t step up.

The best you can do is get them outside. Take them to a playground with other kids. Get a ball, frisbee, corn hole set, fishing rods, whatever and take them to a park, lake, river, etc. Go for a bicycle ride.

I know it sounds mean to call my grandkids stupid but I’m seriously concerned for them.

See I’ve already watched my son go from a great hope to someone that will need to be taken care of for the rest of his life. I can’t go through that again.

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:
Just a few thoughts:
I think it has to start with their parents at home. You need their support. Time limits set on devices. The struggle is real, and if I let my kid, he would also do that. It is a daily battle, and it is SO easy for them to slide off while you’re busy doing something..and they wait and watch for those opportunities.

I am far from perfect with my kid, but I know it can be done, and we are a work in progress. Screens/online games are incredibly addictive, and that’s no joke.

Talk to the parents. They should be thrilled you want time with them, and especially without their devices. I’m a little shocked that “mom” didn’t shut the boyfriend down and prioritize you over him. That said, you may have to bring your A game on interacting with the kids if you’re going to say “no devices” at my house.

Tleddy brings up a good point- you could have lots of interesting conversations about Fortnite- I’m sure they’d talk your ear off educating you- mine does. I can’t say I’ve learned much though, tbh.

That’s another problem. Split households. The father lets them do anything. The mother can’t handle parenthood and if they aren’t on the tablets they’re inconvenient so she screams at them.

This falls squarely on the parents. I'm a big gamer but we have strict limits on game time. I also don't let them play online games yet. They get to play 3 hours on the weekend which is one hour Friday night, Sat, Sun.

It sounds like they are addicted to the game and stimulation. A lot of parents find it easier to put kids on screens then actually parent or get outside. I probably fell into that early on with my daughter but have since corrected.

I would have a chat with the parents on a device detox and get them outside. Guitar would be fantastic for them to learn.

Being an old guy (64), I grew up in a different world, no cell phones, etc.. Hard for me to compare what would be considered normal. I have noticed that the parents are just as attached to their phones, even more than the kids.
It was great when Pong came out, spent a lot of time playing it, much to the dismay of my parents, arcade games were the rage and not really approved by the old people then.

Learning guitar these days will require a lot of time on Youtube. And I have to admit it's pretty great to just type in some old Van Halen song and there are instantly 20 videos showing how to play it and usually very accurately. When I was learning, it was wearing out cassette or LPs or waiting for the latest guitar mag to come out and have the TAB for whatever songs you wanted to learn. I often bring my MacBook into my practice room, out in my AirPods, dial up a Rush concert video and play along with the entire thing.

By the grace of God my kids aren’t addicted to games and have a healthy ability to play a little then do other things. Social pressure was key, having friends that play outside is essential. We also exposed them to a lot, and we don’t have a split family, and we made them try different sports until they found some they liked. It was expensive. I’d suggest experimenting with different types of activities and seeing what sticks, then encouraging that… and not being judgy if they pick something you think is dorky. Probably not going to be traditional team sports, but maybe something like rock climbing or skateboarding, etc.

How about paintball? Bow and arrow? They like fortnight, what if the next time they come over you have 80 cardboard boxes and they can put them together and build an epic clubhouse?

Those kids are on track to become duds, your instincts are right. But it’s not their fault (yet). They have a shit family situation and no role models. Except you. So if you want to be relevant in a positive way that will enhance their lives, it’s going to take time, money and work on your part. I’d suggest thinking creatively and fighting like hell to make an engaging environment where they make memories. When you took their tablets away and they cried… you learned something important: the depth of their addiction is such that a cold turkey break will hurt them. Try luring them away with something more attractive versus ordering them.

Hope this doesn’t sound rude or condescending I absolutely do not intend that. But I have noticed a phenomenon of older people being surprised at the lack of ambition in the young. So surprised they just give up on them. Those older folks often don’t realize how difficult it is to break from a soft easy mind-numbing life in the sissy matrix modern America has forced onto kids. Add some family trouble in there and the only positive thing in their lives is an alternate universe. It’s very bad, but I get the appeal. Breaking them out will be time consuming and expensive, but we do it for those we love. Don’t stop trying! Cheers

My dad (a boomer) was practically raised by his older sisters (there were 9 siblings). They tended to just drop him in front of the ol B&W tv.

My point is that this is a generations old problem and the essentials is that we must engage with our youth. Invite them to do things, learn new tasks, have new experiences, go places. etc.

but if we punt and just let the outside world influence them, it has an amazing force to manipulate addictive behaviors etc. It is truly amazing how much research and energy is spent on addicting us to online games etc.

While this is not a video about fortnite it discusses the manipulative practice of these systems (of which fortnite is a major player).

But everything in moderation, engage with our youth, take them to a game, eat together, be together. Teach critical thinking and analysis.

quote:

Originally posted by arabiancowboy:
... Hope this doesn’t sound rude or condescending I absolutely do not intend that. ...

Not at all. I greatly appreciate it. Even if it's admonition toward me.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

quote:

Originally posted by arabiancowboy:
... Hope this doesn’t sound rude or condescending I absolutely do not intend that. ...

Not at all. I greatly appreciate it. Even if it's admonition toward me.

I didn’t mean it to be an admonition either. Honestly you sound like their only hope, and I was trying to be encouraging! You want the right things for them, I wish you the best. It’ll be a difficult challenge.

Things sure have changed since I was a kid that age ("1960's). I'm sure my parents thought that same thought, and were right, but this is another level.
My home's black and white TV was something under 25" (that was a large tv) and we only got one channel, CBS without snow. ABC came in a bit when the weather was just right.

Another thought, get them reading. My dad had a book of poems and he’d give my kids a quarter for every poem they read. You could take them to the library as well.

If you think college is in their future, they’re going to need good SAT scores. Even though the test itself is half English and half Math, it’s 100% reading. The math skills can be learned and studied for, but they are going to have to read the questions quickly and accurately. There’s some of the English portion, grammar and punctuation, that can be learned and studied for, but at least 60% is going to depend on how well read there are and how well they can read. They are not going to pick up the vocabulary watching TickTock videos. I do a lot of substitute teaching and it’s painful to be reading grade level books with students and they don’t know what the words mean. On the one hand, it is school and they are supposed to be learning. On the other hand, I’ve actually taken some practice SATs myself to help my own kids and I know many of these juniors and seniors are going to struggle with the tests.

Even if they are not college bound, they still have to be able to read well just to get through high school.

get out the 22s and take them shooting
once they smell the gunpowder...

edited to add: my daughter lets my grandson play on something video all the time, but when I can give him a chance to shoot or go out into the woods, he'll jump on it every time

quote:

Originally posted by trapper189:
Another thought, get them reading. ...

I have tried. The response from twin 1 was "books are nothing". That's a literal, word-for-word quote.

quote:

We gave them $50 for their birthday and asked what they wanted to buy. “Fortnight skins”.

We were out somewhere the other day and heard some kid telling another kid that he was going to buy Fortnight Skins. My son looked at me and was like "He's buying foreskins?!?". I said "Yeah, he's trying to save up for a wife like King David ". Apparently, my children have more familiarity with the Old Testament than current video games, lol.

When my wife worked with youth at our church, I was amazed how many of them didn't know how to even have a conversation about real life. They we're so into video games that that was the only reality they knew, and the only thing they knew how to talk about. It was like they lacked the capacity to separate what was happening in the game from the real world. It was actually kinda scary to think about in a dystopian sort of way.

Ultimately, it's a parenting thing. And as a grandparent you may have a limited ability to correct it, depending upon how much time you spend with the grandkids. IMO the best thing you can do is find something non-screen related that they're interested in, or at least willing to engage in, and try to foster it as much as possible when they're with you. That could be anything from sports to fishing to working on the lawnmower with you. Just try and find a way to get them excited about doing something real.

The flip side of subbing has been bumping into a lot of students I’ve subbed for in the past who I wondered about and finding out they are doing well. There’s an auto mechanic, a firefighter, a lineman, a couple HVAC guys, a conservation officer, etc. All may not be lost.

Now at age ten the addiction is well entrenched so it's going to be harder to break it. My daughter and her husband just kept signing their son up for every sport and community event like swimming lessons, hockey, T ball, soccer, football etc. His dad and I have been taking him fishing since he was three. Both summer and winter. The kid now has three addictions at six years old. Fishing, swimming and hockey. Oh he still likes his screen time but the parents put very strict time limits on it.

Try working with one at a time. Take one for a day to a local theme park or sports garden with batting cages and things like that. Go to a movie and then to a favorite pizza place afterwards. Just work on doing things that do not involve the tablet. Soon you may find they are asking to spend time with you to do things. But as has been said the mom or boyfriend need to get on board, if not still do what you can. At least you will be able say you tried. If you can turn one kid it's a success.