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| The success of a solution usually depends upon your point of view |
As a grandparent, you can’t do the parenting because your are not raising them. That’s not to say you can’t influence them, but the relationship with grandkids is not the same as the relationship you’re used to with your children. Trying to treat them like you’re the parent just doesn’t work. So do things differently for example, taking their tablets away makes you the problem. Your Wi-Fi not working when they get there separates you from the problem with the same end result. Pick your battles carefully. I'm watching firsthand what happens when there is a split between parents and grandparents with my son's family and her parents. It needs it's own thread, but the short version is that the grandkids, age 12 and 15, don't want anything to do with her parents and they are of an age where my son and his wife think they can make that decision for themselves so they no longer make the kids spend time with her parents. “We truly live in a wondrous age of stupid.” - 83v45magna "I think it's important that people understand free speech doesn't mean free from consequences societally or politically or culturally." -Pranjit Kalita, founder and CIO of Birkoa Capital Management | |||
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When my kid began to veg out in front of a screen, I introduced him to Geocaching. It got him outside, had him learn GPS Skills and the treasure hunt aspect to it kept him interested. But that was in the early 2000s so I would guess the addictive fixation on video games is even stronger now. End of Earth: 2 Miles Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles | |||
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Age Quod Agis |
Ask the boyfriend what he does when he isn't playing Fortnight. Maybe he likes fishing too, or hiking, or kayaking, or mountain biking. Maybe he played football in high school, or soccer, or tennis or baseball, or who-the-hell knows. The grandkids have a connection with him through Fortnight. If he also has other interests, maybe you and he can take the grandkids together to do something "else" and they might be more inclined to go because they have him along as well. I never played baseball, but I loved playing catch with my dad. It was a better, simpler time. My point is, that you might be able to find an activity where there is enough common ground to get something going. "I vowed to myself to fight against evil more completely and more wholeheartedly than I ever did before. . . . That’s the only way to pay back part of that vast debt, to live up to and try to fulfill that tremendous obligation." Alfred Hornik, Sunday, December 2, 1945 to his family, on his continuing duty to others for surviving WW II. | |||
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My grandson was also addicted to Fortnite when he was 10-15 years old. His parents were divorced and my daughter worked all the time and was on the road a lot. She tried limiting screen time, but he rebelled and that just led to fights. And his Dad let him do pretty much anything. You just need to stay after it - find other things that interest them. For him, it was golf. His dad is a serious golfer and my grandson finally got serious about it. And basketball - always on a team of friends at the "Y". He turned out great and is a freshman in college and way past the Fortnite stage. Stay after it, even if you think nothing is helping. But don't get to the point where the rebellion is so strong that you alienate them and lose all lines of communication. 2 of my granddaughters were also pretty heavily into it at that age, and for both of them it was sports that got them to eventually lose interest in Fortnite. They spent so much time in practice that there was no time for gaming. | |||
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delicately calloused |
My nephew is addicted to a computer game. He lives in the basement. He’s almost 30. His life is that game. It’s all he does. It’s all he’s done since jr high. He has no life ambition. He’s developed no marketable skills. He has minimal education. Never had a girlfriend and isn’t open to one. I once saw a Star Trek episode called The Game. It’s worth a look. It was prophetic. You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier | |||
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Member |
Well, I often feel that way, but didn't older Generations think that as well? The answer is YES they did. _________________________ | |||
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W07VH5 |
Is that the one with Ashley Judd? | |||
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| Eye on the Silver Lining |
Maybe take a look at the movie Free Guy…my kid loved it and it gave us lots to talk about. __________________________ "Trust, but verify." | |||
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| I swear I had something for this |
Yep. | |||
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| Member |
When my son was about that age he loved games and it was always a hassle kicking his ass away from the console (device these days). His mom, much smarter than myself, enrolled him in an after school "programming" course. I believe the language was Turtle developed by IBM? He was blown away at this machine doing exactly what he told it to do. At any rate he went from constant gaming to 10% gaming, 40% coding, and 50% school work. He's now a DBA. We were scared shitless about his behavior. Not sure if this would work for you. Seems like you could mentor them a bit and maybe have some fun at the same time. A few options along with maybe setting them up in an associated class. (The descriptions were copied from each environments web site) Scratch: While primarily drag-and-drop, Scratch also allows users to learn coding concepts that can translate into text-based programming later. Tynker: Offers a block-based drag-and-drop interface, along with courses that introduce text coding as kids advance. Code.org: Many of its activities use a drag-and-drop style for younger students, but it also has courses that lead to JavaScript coding. Blockly: Uses a drag-and-drop interface to create programs, and can transition to text-based JavaScript or Python coding. Kodu Game Lab: While it primarily uses a drag-and-drop interface for game design, it allows for more complex logic that can lead to understanding coding principles. Roblox Studio: Uses a drag-and-drop feature for placing objects and designing worlds, but also incorporates Lua coding for more advanced game mechanics. Alice: Provides a drag-and-drop interface for creating animations, but allows users to explore more complex programming concepts and coding as they progress. Unity with Visual Scripting: Unity offers a visual scripting tool that allows users to create games using a node-based interface, which can later lead to traditional coding in C#. | |||
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| W07VH5 |
It's a good idea. Maybe I can make a deal with them that they can have the tablets after an hour of satisfactory coding.  | |||
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| Raised Hands Surround Us Three Nails To Protect Us  |
We are the mean parents. Our boys have no phones or tablets. I let them play XBOX, GameCube, and original Nintendo. Only on Friday, Saturday. Sunday if they have all their work done and pretty much only sports games and they are limited to a couple games a day and only one at a time. They have to play a game and then go do something else. They are not allowed to play any internet connected games. Honestly they only play if weather is crappy and can’t be outside. My in-laws bought them each a Nintendo Switch. They aren’t allowed to bring them home and I don’t make too much fuss about it since they are kept at the in-laws but I did say no internet connected games. There is nothing I hate more when we are out somewhere and parents just plop a tablet in front of their kids!! ———————————————— The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad. If we got each other, and that's all we have. I will be your brother, and I'll hold your hand. You should know I'll be there for you! | |||
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Ya know, depending on the tablet, they can do some of this stuff on the device. You know best. You're doing the right thing trying to fix this situation. Best of luck to you Mark123 and most important best of luck to the grandkids. | |||
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My mistake was not buying my two boys Playstations but limiting their time. No more sports, riding bikes, etc. I played the games with them for a while and in short order my skills were laughed at. All is not lost. They are 29 and 26 well rounded conservative young men. I guess I didn't fail at that.  | |||
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| Left-Handed, NOT Left-Winged! |
My son played normally with other kids outside, played with legos and toy cars and all that stuff until he got an XBox One at age 10. He had a Nintendo Wii before that but it's more physical and my ex wife liked it at the time. Since the XBox One was at the ex's house I got him a PS4, and later an XBox 1X or whatever the new one is. Teenage years were lots of multiplayer network games with each kid at his own house, with all of them communicating by headset. COVID was in the middle of this and that was it's own layer of complications. I didn't make a big deal about it. I got an Atari 2600 when I was 10, then Commodore 64 at 12, and a Commodore Amiga at 17. I played lots of games as did my friends. My parents complained, because they did not grow up with games. I suspect parents that didn't grow up with TV complained about TV. And when I got to college - I stopped because there was so much else to do. And as an adult I did some computer games at some times and got a PS3 and used that a bit, but not that much overall. My son did high school marching band in a state and national champion school. He got a job on his own at the UPS store and worked and saved his money the last year of high school. He's working during college by his own choice, and now doing partial days at the company he interned with this summer. My one regret is that he didn't really do a lot of handwork in his teens - I was always tinkering with stuff and still do. I suppose living in a virtual world does that. But he refinished a used desk during the summer a year or two ago and built his own computer. | |||
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| No, not like Bill Clinton  |
All you can do is show them a good example, show them how manners, respect and what it means to be a Man work. Maybe some of it will rub off Join them in the game once in a while. Start playing on your own and get good first | |||
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