May 19, 2018, 06:29 PM
V-TailJewish Humor
- There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
- Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
- A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
- Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.
- Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
- Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים May 19, 2018, 06:52 PM
arfmelShared.
May 19, 2018, 06:56 PM
GWbikerJewish woman receives a telegram that advises her to: "Worry now, details later".
*********
"Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them".
May 19, 2018, 07:02 PM
downtownvWhat, no Jewish Bride Jokes?
May 19, 2018, 07:26 PM
Jeff YarchinOy!
May 19, 2018, 07:35 PM
p226gsdVey
May 19, 2018, 07:43 PM
CooksterWhat is a favorite Jewish wine?
"It's Friday night and I have nothing nice to wear!"
__________
__________
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
May 19, 2018, 07:56 PM
sigmonkeyquote:
Originally posted by downtownv:
What, no Jewish Bride Jokes?
You're at a Jewish wedding... how can you tell if it's Orthodox, Conservative, Reform or Re-constructionist?
In an Orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
In a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
In a Reform wedding the Rabbi is pregnant, and in a Re-constructionist wedding, both brides are pregnant!
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! May 21, 2018, 01:47 PM
RaiseHalWhy do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free!
It's a shame that youth is wasted on the young --- Mark Twain
Anyone who is not a liberal by age 20 has no heart; anyone who is not a conservative by age 40 has no brain---Winston Churchill
May 21, 2018, 02:11 PM
braillediverThread Drift- Back in New Jersey I heard some real Jewish Jokes. They made absolutely no sense to a non Jew.
____________________________________________________
The butcher with the sharpest knife has the warmest heart.
May 21, 2018, 03:01 PM
rusbroMrs. Shapinsky takes her eight-year-old grandson to the beach. A giant wave comes crashing in and sweeps the little boy out to sea. She looks up at the heavens. "God," she says, "please, he's my only grandson. I love him more than life itself. Please, bring him back to me."
She looks out to sea. Suddenly, the waters part. A ray of light shines from the sky. She sees a golden dolphin heading toward the shore with little Sammy on his back. The dolphin gently places Sammy on the beach, then swims away toward a beautiful rainbow.
Mrs. Shapinsky looks at her grandson, then around the beach, puts her hands on her hips, looks sharply up to God and says, "He had, A HAT!"
May 21, 2018, 03:07 PM
GWbikerQ - What is Jewish foreplay?
A - Husbands 30 minutes of begging.
*********
"Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them".
May 21, 2018, 03:42 PM
RichardCA pastor, a priest and a rabbi are fishing.
The pastor snags his Rapala on a tree branch, gets out, walks across the water, frees his lure and walks back to get in the boat.
Soon the priest snags his Gollywamper on the same branch, gets out of the boat, walks across the water, retrieves his rubber worm and walks back to the boat.
You know what's gonna happen, right?The rabbi catches his Johnson's Silver Minnow on a log on his side, thinks to himself, "if these guys can do it, so can I!", gets out of the boat and immediately sinks under.
As the others haul him in over the side by his shirt collar, the priest says to the pastor,
"John, think we better tell Saul where the rocks are before he drowns hisself?"
Ba da boom.
____________________
May 21, 2018, 04:01 PM
kz1000What does a JAP do with here asshole every morning?
Sends him off to work.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt"
"The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind."
-Bomber Harris
May 21, 2018, 04:06 PM
V-TailA rabbi walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "Cool! Where did you get that?"
The parrot says, "Brooklyn. There's hundreds of them."
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים May 21, 2018, 07:21 PM
RagnarWhat's the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler? The Rottweiler let's go eventually.
Live every day as if it is your last, for one day you’re sure to be right
May 21, 2018, 07:28 PM
hoppes no9A black guy, a priest, and a rabbi get on a plane...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__4JiQI3N6QMay 21, 2018, 07:42 PM
Skins2881quote:
Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.
Jesse
Sic Semper Tyrannis May 21, 2018, 08:01 PM
V-Tailquote:
Originally posted by hoppes no9:
A black guy, a priest, and a rabbi get on a plane...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__4JiQI3N6Q
A Rabbi and a Priest get on a plane. The Flight Attendant says to the Rabbi, “May I get you a drink?”
The Rabbi says, “I would like a tall Scotch and soda, please.”
The Flight Attendant then goes to the Priest and offers him a drink.
The Priest says, “I do not drink alcohol. I would sooner commit adultery.”
The Rabbi says, “Hold that Scotch. I didn’t know we had a choice."
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים