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אַרְיֵה |
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | ||
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Not really from Vienna |
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Jewish woman receives a telegram that advises her to: "Worry now, details later". ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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What, no Jewish Bride Jokes? _________________________ | |||
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My dog crosses the line |
Oy! | |||
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Vey | |||
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What is a favorite Jewish wine? "It's Friday night and I have nothing nice to wear!" __________ __________ "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy." | |||
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A Grateful American |
You're at a Jewish wedding... how can you tell if it's Orthodox, Conservative, Reform or Re-constructionist? In an Orthodox wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant. In a Conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant. In a Reform wedding the Rabbi is pregnant, and in a Re-constructionist wedding, both brides are pregnant! "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free! It's a shame that youth is wasted on the young --- Mark Twain Anyone who is not a liberal by age 20 has no heart; anyone who is not a conservative by age 40 has no brain---Winston Churchill | |||
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Thread Drift- Back in New Jersey I heard some real Jewish Jokes. They made absolutely no sense to a non Jew. ____________________________________________________ The butcher with the sharpest knife has the warmest heart. | |||
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Chip away the stone |
Mrs. Shapinsky takes her eight-year-old grandson to the beach. A giant wave comes crashing in and sweeps the little boy out to sea. She looks up at the heavens. "God," she says, "please, he's my only grandson. I love him more than life itself. Please, bring him back to me." She looks out to sea. Suddenly, the waters part. A ray of light shines from the sky. She sees a golden dolphin heading toward the shore with little Sammy on his back. The dolphin gently places Sammy on the beach, then swims away toward a beautiful rainbow. Mrs. Shapinsky looks at her grandson, then around the beach, puts her hands on her hips, looks sharply up to God and says, "He had, A HAT!" | |||
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Q - What is Jewish foreplay? A - Husbands 30 minutes of begging. ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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A pastor, a priest and a rabbi are fishing. The pastor snags his Rapala on a tree branch, gets out, walks across the water, frees his lure and walks back to get in the boat. Soon the priest snags his Gollywamper on the same branch, gets out of the boat, walks across the water, retrieves his rubber worm and walks back to the boat. You know what's gonna happen, right? The rabbi catches his Johnson's Silver Minnow on a log on his side, thinks to himself, "if these guys can do it, so can I!", gets out of the boat and immediately sinks under. As the others haul him in over the side by his shirt collar, the priest says to the pastor, "John, think we better tell Saul where the rocks are before he drowns hisself?" Ba da boom. ____________________ | |||
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Mensch |
What does a JAP do with here asshole every morning? Sends him off to work. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt" "The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris | |||
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| אַרְיֵה |
A rabbi walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Cool! Where did you get that?" The parrot says, "Brooklyn. There's hundreds of them." הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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What's the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler? The Rottweiler let's go eventually. Live every day as if it is your last, for one day you’re sure to be right | |||
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Ammoholic |
Jesse Sic Semper Tyrannis | |||
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| אַרְיֵה |
A Rabbi and a Priest get on a plane. The Flight Attendant says to the Rabbi, “May I get you a drink?” The Rabbi says, “I would like a tall Scotch and soda, please.” The Flight Attendant then goes to the Priest and offers him a drink. The Priest says, “I do not drink alcohol. I would sooner commit adultery.” The Rabbi says, “Hold that Scotch. I didn’t know we had a choice." הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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