Those who ignore the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
aah-AH!
aah-AH! Who?
...Werewolves of London!

I dumped my Communist girlfriend once I saw all the red flags.

A dog limps into a saloon. "I'm lookin' for the son of a bitch that shot my paw."

There are 2 types of people in the world.
Those who give 110%, and
Those who passed 5th grade math.

A young Blonde went into our local Pizza shop and ordered a small size Pizza to go.

She was asked if she wanted it cut into four slices or six slices.

She said: "Better cut it four slices, I don't think I could eat six slices".

What do you call a factory that makes just okay stuff.

A satisfactory.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns, go for the juggler.

This painter got a contract to paint a church. He was a little shoddy and used turpentine to cut his paint. Just after he had finished the job, there was a big rain storm and the paint started running off the church.

He lifted his hands up to the heavens and prayed “Oh, please help and forgive me, Lord!”

The heavens opened up and a voice rang out, “Repaint! Repaint! my son, and thin no more”.

Moms that tells a dad joke?

Faux pas.

I bought a new hose nozzle and handed it to my daughter. She asks, “What’s this?”. I reply, “It’s a hose nozzle that has multiple settings and the shower setting would be good when you go outside and water the plants.“ She look’s at it for a few seconds and says, “I’m going to use this setting instead so I can aim it at the plants and say ‘Oops, I mist. ‘“

My grandfather's hooked on Viagra. The whole family's really upset about it, but nobody's taking it harder than my grandmother.

Six really bad Dad jokes:

https://i.imgur.com/bE6Jv5U.mp4

I crossed a rhinoceros with an elephant!
What did you get?
Elephino!

I don't like to order Eggs Benedict in restaurants, because there's no place like home for the Hollandaise.

What happened to the Stationery Store? It’s gone!

What are the preferred pronouns of the Chocolate Bar? Her/She

(I’ll let myself out)
.

This guy picked up a waitress from a Chinese restaurant. They were going at it hot and heavy when they guy said, "Ya know, I wouldn't mind a little 69".
She said, "What? You want Beef with Snow Peas NOW?"

What's an Italian Chef's favorite cell phone?

Gnocchi-a.

Did you hear about the farmer who was caught sniffing cow farts?

He was addicted to that dairy air.

Beer makes ya smart. It made Bud wiser!

What do you do if you get attacked by a mob of clowns?

Go for the juggler!