A friend recently suffered a terrible loss. His daughter was murdered by her own husband. He's in jail, awaiting trial.

Certainly one cannot ultimately control whom a daughter marries, or know the mind or eventualities of the husband might turn out to be. There is "raising them right" and such concepts and platitudes but what specific advice and/or supplies have you given a daughter?

There are the inherent risks of advice not being heeded, it turning relationships, and such, and of course of preparations being used in the opposite direction as intended.

I know this is to an extent an imponderable question, but I thought I'd ask anyway.

I domt have kids bit what isee for those that do the fathers take thier daughters on a "date" to understand how gentlemen should behave. This hapoens at a young age and continues. It seems a lot of schools have a father daughter dance now. I think that is a great idea and those friends I have that did that ended up with daughters with great husbands.

If theyre already of adult age im.not sure you can do much, thier decisions are set in how they were raised. But i dont play a socieoligst on tv.

It goes both ways. My neighbor across the street had his son murdered by his daughter-in-law. He’s now raising his grandson, at 80+ years old. To his advantage and credit, his grandson (16 ish) is turning into a responsible young man so far.

Be the man you want your daughter to marry. Set the example. That’s about the best you can do.

I would say the main thing to say to a daughter is not tolerate the least little bit of disrespect, as it will only get worse and can be a precursor to abuse. And to watch any potential mate carefully to see how he treats animals, friends, service persons and his own family. Any hints of drug use, alcohol abuse or financial recklessness are no-go red flags.
And I told my son to never lay down with anyone crazier than he is!

You prepare them even before they start dating.

I hope that I have set the example of how men treat women. How I treat her mom, her grandmother's and her. Healthy male attention and an expectation of how men treat her. Once they are in there teens telling them anything is useless. They will look for boyfriends that treat them like fathers treated them

That you are always there for them, even after they are married. That if they are being abused they can always come home and you will protect them. As already stated, to watch out for little signs that can be precursors to physical abuse, like emotional abuse, controlling behavior, separating her from family and friends, etc.

But as others have also said, it starts way before she finds her husband. It's making sure she understands from a young age that a man who doesn't show her respect is not a man, and is not worth her time.

I'm very sorry for your friend.

Children require parents with ethics and values to serve as role models. The parents relationship with one another is key. Children observe and mimic observed behaviors and daughters particularly look for men with similar qualities of their fathers.

#1. Treat your wife right.

The daughter will learn how to be treated - what is appropriate - by seeing how her Dad treats her Mom. For good or bad.

I tell my daughters to stick up for themselves - not to be taken for granted - but I also do not let them think they are 'princesses' who get a pass about everything they do that is questionable.

Accountability works both ways.

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Everything mentioning treating your wife well and being the type of man you'd want your daughter to marry are exactly correct. I'm dealing with two step-daughters. They both make bad choices because their father mistreated my wife by cheating, blaming all family problems in her, trekking her she's stupid and physical abuse, taught them that stealing is ok, taught them that the truth doesn't matter and apologies without change is all that's necessary.

In addition the the points above, please consider reading Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker. Best advice I’ve ever gotten on raising a daughter, hands down.

Raise them to have the self confidence to walk away, and give them the support that they require if they need to walk away. And respect them, so that they know they are worthy and deserving of respect.

Self confidence; the knowledge that you can take control of your life and everything will be ok, is the best defense from these situations. It tells them that they don't need to stay with anyone who doesn't respect them.

Support; if they walk away or want to discuss walking away and taking a different path in life, be there to discuss and support that decision.

Respect; if you show them respect, and you respect your partner, then they will demand respect from who they are with, and won't accept a relationship from someone who doesn't treat them with respect.

As the father of a 19 year old son and a 16 year old daughter there isn’t a one line piece of advice to fix years of not setting an example. It is tragic that your friend has lost his daughter to a POS husband and I am not sure any of that situation was even preventable as we do not know any details. Raising self confident kids with high self esteem is essential in helping them pick suitable mates. In order to do that you need to communicate honestly with them. I would like to think my kids look at my relationship with their mother and think that we set an example of trust, love and respect. I am just as concerned how my son treats his girlfriends as I am about how my daughter chooses to be treated. People can be crazy. My kids treat people with respect, and disregard people who do not reciprocate. Neither are afraid to disassociate from people that are not net positive people.

I am a little old fashioned in the sense that I believe woman should be treated with respect. I open doors, pull chairs out, and stand when a woman gets up at a table (while in a restaurant). Kind gestures from a more chivalrous time where manors were instilled. Not offering up a seat to woman and standing in her place would have earned a backhand from my grandmother if she was still alive. Having my daughter grow up seeing this type of behavior, and knowing it is not because I think I am better than my wife or any other women. It is a matter of respect. The modern feminist and the new modern feminized millennial male would have you believe that this type of behavior is demeaning. I like treating people with random acts of kindness.

My final thought on this issue is that many of the problems regarding low self esteem and confidence has to do with modern parenting. I am not my kids friend, I am their father. I and glad that both kids seem to respect us as parents. We are close, but they live under rules where violations have fair consequences that are discussed before and after. We don’t make empty threats regarding punishments, and my kids take responsibility for their choices. My kids know I am not afraid to speak my mind when it comes to how people treat them. I hope that translates into them making wise choices.

Make sure they know how to deal with a man.

Most males have 3 or 4 times the sexual appetite needs of females and the females don’t understand, or are aware, or expect it. Some who don’t understand it can turn a pretty decent guy into a real smoldering low life, while many who do understand it and chose to deal with it constructively have faithful husbands and smiles on their faces. I call it “lust management.”

There are exceptions and variations, as in any discussion of human traits or characteristics, and it is just one possible area of misunderstanding of many. A frequent one in my somewhat limited experience.

We've talked about things with our 7 and 9 year olds. They see how boys play different at an early age. They understand boys can be more physical. They've been instructed to stand up for themselves and not be bullied by a boy or a girl for that matter. In particular, we discussed with them our relationship. What I'd describe as a very healthy marriage of over two decades. We've candidly talked about how "mom and dad" treat each other with respect. That mom and dad may have disagreements and raise our voices but we never get physical. We make it 100% clear that violence is a last resort and not the norm for any relationship.

We're also looking into some martial arts or self defense classes for both building confidence and to give them a better toolkit to defend themselves.

Raise them right. Honestly. Then they will make good decisions without specific advise.

Before going on anything more than a casual date, run a background check.
Before going on a first date do a through search by online search. You'd be surprised by what can turn up even in the free searches.

They're going to seek out the love they feel they deserve. Make sure they know what they deserve.

It may be a harsh lesson, but I firmly believe that daughters and sons need to know the hard facts about murder and the dark nature that exists in all people. And they need some basic tools to deal with evil when/if they are confronted with it.

It's a fact -- You are most likely to be murdered by someone you know.

It's a fact -- Most folks possess a murderous capacity deep inside somewhere. It's only a strong moral character that keeps this beast in check. For some though it's only fear of punishment - which is way less effective than character. If you see the beast coming out, then don't hide in denial. Act to protect yourself. Run or fight. Standing frozen in disbelief or fear will get you killed.

That's about all I got this point. And I pray it will be enough.

The best thing for us was that our daughter had become a strong Christian and sought that in a husband. He is a real blessing...our daughter can be difficult, we hope she does not get moody with him as she can be with us.