My son is 9, no phone yet. Very tight controls on the internet, he's barely allowed on youtube and not alone. He does have games on Steam, with parental control.

How do you handle your kids with the cesspool that is the modern electronic world?

TMK, most of Silicon Valley prohibits their employees from letting their children access screens until 13.

Honestly, that should be 18.

Brother, I wouldn't know how to keep the internet filth away from my kids today. When ours were growing up there were only dumb phones. No internet access. We kept the computers in common places in the house. Same with the TVs (back when we had them). And after all of that, one of them still accessed porn through a personal gaming device we didn't know could connect. Not sure how he got the wifi password.

Today, I suppose I'd have a dumb burner phone for the kids so we could communicate but no internet. We'd still have the computers in common areas but not on if we weren't home. Same with the TV if we had one. Lock the wifi up with a really hard password. Monitor kids gaming devices. It's a shame it has come to this, but there is just so much garbage on the web.

My own kid did not get a cell phone until High School. And it had no internet access.
I was walking in a park Saturday and saw two kids I thought were around ten years old sitting on the ground, huddled together. When I passed them I saw they were trying to shade a smart phone screen so it could be read in the sunlight. Not enjoying the park. Locked onto a phone.
And the one practice my kid did with the damn phone that launched me into new levels of parental rage? If one of his buddies called him, he instantly answered the phone. If I called him, he let it go to voice mail!

There's a really old adage to keep your computer in a common room in your house. You can put restrictions on his phone when the time comes. You can also get him a "not so smart" phone. That addresses what you would have control over. What he see's at his friends houses is downright scary. Giving him a strong sense of right and wrong is about all you can do. I don't doubt you are doing that. Good luck Arc.

Not that I think it is a bad idea but how does "most Silicon Valley employers" prohibit their employees kids from using the internet? Maybe I read your post wrong or you typed it wrong but even the most stringent employee contracts would likely not contain that.

Good luck. I hate social media. I hate the easy access to porn. I hate a lot of things about the internet and fear for our children's minds and time. No easy answer. I will say the same thing I learned early in life, it is easier to set tough rules and relax them as necessary than the other way around. Our house was no phones at the dinner table at all. I wanted to make the rule all devices charge on the kitchen counter and off limits after a certain time. My wife thought that was too far and I didn't push the fight. In retrospect I wish I had.

Sounds like you are trying and that is half the battle. You can only do so much and then your training either kicks in or it doesn't. With kids best you can do is try to even up the odds, they will do what they do eventually. Good luck.

10 year old has a phone for when she’s at sleep overs or sporting events so we can keep in contact. We have an older iPod Touch that is loaded with games and YouTube kids that we let the 6 y/o use, she can also text and FaceTime grandma. 4 y/o son has a Kindle Fire for kids. All three sit on a charging caddy in the master bedroom when not in use.

All three have to be sitting in the living room to be allowed on them. Usually while we’re making dinner or ourselves on a device. Couple of the 10 y/o’s friends seem to have unrestricted access to their phones, which I don’t agree with. These are the same kids that seem to regularly stay up til 2-3 am.

We seem to have hit a good balance as none of them try to sneak it behind our backs. Just like with all things, moderation is key. Completely ignoring the issue would likely just make them want it more. Of course we also do things like sitting down to a home cooked meal together almost every night. The fact my wife stays home with them means she has a good handle on their social lives.

Google's Family Link.

He knows I see everything he does and I can set very strict controls with regards to what his phone will access.

The older teens are getting around the parent/gps tracking apps. The teens have such easy access to money they are buying the burner/prepaid types phones and leaving their phones at the friends house where they told you they were going.

you can change the DNS server in your router such that adult etc sites are blocked.

It's been years since I set that, so I forget the details, but there are free DNS servers that might be better than whatever default you are using.

All I can say is thank God my youngest will be 43 in a few weeks. I honestly would have no idea how to raise kids now. Sorry, Arc, no help here.

Mine are grown but they didn't get cell phones until 3rd year in high school and only had internet at home when my wife or I were in the room. They didn't have computers in their bedrooms. Video games were limited to an hour a day after home work and any chores were done.

During the Pandemic shutdowns, the kids in my daughter's virtual class were encouraged to Zoom call each other as to not feel so isolated.

So, I see that My 9 YO daughter was on a video call with someone. Having just taken the school's internet safety class for parents, I approached just to see who she was talking to.

Being 9, she pulled away slightly --- kind of "I'm using the phone" pulling away.

Thinking there was something bad going on, I grabbed the phone from her hand, turned it around, and looked into it.

There's this 9 year old little girl staring at me on the screen.

I said to her, "Hi, Sorry, but I thought I was going to see something else."

Just then this 40 YO woman grabs her phone, stares into it and says, "And just what did you think you were going to see, and who are you, and why are you talking to my daughter?"

I started to explain that my 9 YO was talking to her daughter, and I went to give the phone back to my 9 YO as proof.

Just then my 9 YO daughter leaves the room and exits the house. So I'm running after her to get myself out of this situation.

But I couldn't catch up to her, so there I am, trying to explain myself...... with no proof.

I didn't get my first cell phone until I was around 60. Calls only, no internet, no text capability.

10 yo. Phone is locked out on everything but calls and texts to myself, his dad, my mother and sis. He can take images but has no internet or YouTube access.
At home, he can access the screen for 30 min or so to decompress, then it’s chore time/homework.
I have no idea how the Silicon Valley ppl do it. Our schools give the kids access to online in class and library. Hell, they gave him an email acct.
The screen time at our house can vary - if I get on a work call, if he’s done very well, or had a super bad day, times can increase.
We watch as best we can.

My oldest is 9 as well.
None of our kids will have a phone any time soon.
Yes, they play sports, go to friends houses, ride bikes around the neighborhood, No they will not have a device or a phone.
They don’t have video games, they aren’t allowed on YouTube unless watching something specific and searched/chosen by us.
No TVs or devices on their rooms. If they have to do their school work electronically it is in the common area with someone around them.
They won’t have FB, Twitter, Snapchat, or any apps or profiles what so ever.
Don’t care how much they whine and cry about what their friends are doing.
We have a pretty tight group of folks of who we allow our kids to go to their house. They all know how strict we are about devices and they actually enjoy when our kids come over because they use it as an excuse to keep their kids off devices for a bit.
All have pretty much said they wish they never would have opened Pandora’s box for their kids.

My sons are nearly 6 and 8 years old

We let them use an iPad for very limited amounts as a reward and it’s highly locked down.

As far as TV, they’re allowed to watch:

Sports
Dude Perfect
Tuttle Twins
Odd Squad


Movies are highly vetted, there is way too much crap they try to slip in nowadays.

No phones and they won’t be getting anything other than a highly locked down device that allows certain texts and phone calls when they do.

quote:

Originally posted by SigM4:
... we also do things like sitting down to a home cooked meal together almost every night. The fact my wife stays home with them means she has a good handle on their social lives.

You are a wise and lucky man.

Timely thread...wife and I just had this very discussion about our almost 15 year-old last night. Surprisingly, we're not really on the same page with it. I'm very much opposed to giving him any kind of phone at all, but she wants him to be able to text his friends and call her when he's out. I get some of that, but I don't really want him texting his friends constantly, nor do I want all the other crap that comes with a kid being constantly tethered to a communications device. I know there's an age where you have to let them make their own choices...I'm just not sure we're there yet.

There are some good suggestions in this thread...I'm thinking a "dumb" phone with no internet access and some very strict ground rules might be a viable option.

Age is irrelevant. Maturity is relevant. A stepwise approach to use of the phone makes sense. There are plenty of tools for this. In the same way that your parents monitored which movies you were allowed to see. It is not difficult just a part of parenting.