Need a router that can control Internet content , internet time, etc. I use an Eero mesh system that performs these functions.

I forget the brand of router I have, but it does have basic controls that are already in use. Such as content can be restricted by device, access time can be set. It allows content to be filtered on specific sites too. For instance, the adult stuff is entirely off on the livingroom computer and TV.

No devices in his room, the computer is in the livingroom. Between the router, browser settings and plugins it's buttoned up pretty tight.

He'll get a phone at some point, and really I'm against having kids on any social media. When I inspect schools I see phones all over the place, that is baaad juju.

I think the idea that maturity level is key is right on. I also think you don't want to fight them too hard, but let them know where the boundaries are and why you're doing what you're doing. All their friends parents might be fucking this up, so you need to not just shut them out.

Frankly, the best path is probably giving them the most information possible and demystifying it. A lot like other dangerous things. Such as sex, drugs, firearms, and other things they'll have contact with where the temptation will be very strong if all you've told them is "no" or "you'll go to hell."

My sisters kid, and friends of ours with girls in their tweens... all of them seem to be using "non-binary" pronouns and all that shit. I think the internet is dangerous, but the major social contagion seems to be among young girls and them adopting the trans shit. All this non-binary stuff, all the "tolerance" shit, has no business being taught to children under 10, and really shouldn't be in schools at all, but that ship sailed in a lot of places.

Electronic devices have made parenting more complicated than ever, if you're aware and actually parent your children. I have a feeling a lot of dopes just hand their kids phones.

TikTok is very destructive. (Probably any social media.)

Kids have always done stupid things, but it seems like the ideas are far more destructive and spread much faster.

(It seems to spread ideas among children who used to be too young to be that reachable)

TMK, it’s in their employment contracts. Not sure why it would seem that onerous. AFAIK, they all have a policy of “no users under 13.” Expecting that their employees comply with that standard does not seem unreasonable.

Why we let 13 year olds sign lifetime contracts with social media companies, is something I do not understand.

With that said, we have talked about letting the oldest niece have an Apple Watch. It has various kid features, and would let her call family, etc.

quote:

Originally posted by radioman:
you can change the DNS server in your router such that adult etc sites are blocked.

It's been years since I set that, so I forget the details, but there are free DNS servers that might be better than whatever default you are using.

Family Shield is one of these, and it's free. Link

Other things I've done:
- Started with a flip phone, prepaid from the grocery store. Note that these DO HAVE web browsers. You can dig into the settings and find the address of the server for the phone to get mobile data, and then blank that out. Be warned that Tracfone has an automated text-based service where you send a text and it responds by correcting all your settings, including this one. I also hooked the flip phone to my WiFi, then denied it internet access at the router.

- Pi Hole. Great at blocking ads, but it can also block other stuff like TikTok. I haven't been able to block YouTube as Google is so pervasive. Good luck finding a Pi right now to host Pi Hole...

- Check out all your router settings. My Asus has some content filtering, but more useful is the scheduling. You can allow or deny access to particular devices (or groups of devices) based on a schedule. It also has some logs that helped me catch a leak in my content filtering, and trace that to a device on my network (which narrowed it down to one kid).

- I held out on a smart phone with my oldest until 9th grade, but I had to get one for his little brother (7th grade) a few months later. Schools, sports teams, and friends expect older kids, especially high schoolers, to have a device.

- The school-issued laptops have been a PITA. They have always-on VPN that runs through the school, so my content filtering is bypassed. The school's content filtering is not as strict as mine, namely with game websites. The best I can do is cut off their access altogether, but this also prevents legitimate use.

- Remember that for any device with a mobile data connection getting around restrictions on your local network (WiFi) is as easy as turning off the WiFi (and using mobile data instead). You need controls on the device. I find the Google Family stuff useful but cumbersome. It is free. There may be better stuff if you pay for it. Whatever you use make sure you're an expert and have looked into every menu and option available. Don't just install it and accept default settings.

Best of luck. This is an arms race and you're going to lose some battles. Talk with your kids about the dangers of the internet, and porn specifically. Don't just forbid it; tell them why and how it will harm them.

quote:

Talk with your kids about the dangers of the internet, and porn specifically. Don't just forbid it; tell them why and how it will harm them.

This has been our broken record for years with our kids (now 15, 14, 12, and 8). "We've been charged with fostering healthy growth for you. We have to care for your mind, body, and spirit, and these things that would poison you slowly, are everywhere." Etc.

We monitor their screen time and content for the most part. I have OpenDNS set up, and we have a Circle-enabled router. Our kids also don't have any social media accounts that I'm aware of. My daughter (14) wants Snapchat pretty badly, but couldn't articulate out it would be beneficial to her growth. She wasn't terribly happy, but understood.

It's tough because I'm training them to survive in a world that isn't going to lob them softballs. Eventually they're going to run into that stuff, but if I can hold back the tide for as long as I can, while building innoculation against the disgusting moral decay, then I've done my job.

My 4 year old has a stuffed Siren Head he sleeps with like a Teddy Bear. What's a Siren Head? Yeah, exactly. He gets this stuff from Youtube. He pretty much has open access to youtube. It's probably a mistake, but I monitor what he has watched and so far he's into video game monsters although he doesn't play video games. He's always talking about Cartoon Cat, Huggy Wuggy and other things that would have scared the you know what out of me as a kid.

Oh one time, he watched a Youtube video of a former Navy Seal and was walking around saying: "Every day is Tuesday because nobody cares about Tuesday." I think he is a little alpha and I have my hands full.

No phones until middle school when it's required to have it.

Phones are handed over upon request for review.

No unapproved apps

No VM

Don't pick up when we call, lose your phone.

Don't respond to a text in a reasonable time, lose your phone.

Phone will have a tracker-app (life360). Turn it off, lose your phone.

Do anything else I don't like, lose your phone.

Phones are a kid's social lifeblood. It's a good bargaining chip.

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:
No phones until middle school when it's required to have it.

Phones are handed over upon request for review.

No unapproved apps

No VM

Don't pick up when we call, lose your phone.

Don't respond to a text in a reasonable time, lose your phone.

Phone will have a tracker-app (life360). Turn it off, lose your phone.

Do anything else I don't like, lose your phone.

Phones are a kid's social lifeblood. It's a good bargaining chip.

I asked my daughter about this after I saw Arc's post. She basically has the same rules as you do. The "Do anything else I don't like, lose your phone." is actually her fist rule Her daughters are 12 and 13 and they share a phone with very restricted capability. Seems to be working out so far. The girls are getting good grades and don't get into any major trouble.

My boys are 8 and 6. No phones. They have an iPad that they play a couple of games on but not without asking us. They watch their own shows and know how to use streaming devices on TV but Youtube is off limits. We have parental controls on all streaming apps. My wife looked up "Best LGBTQ movies for kids on Netflix/Prime" and then went and blocked every one of the movies on those lists.

Besides that, we teach them about the proper things to watch or listen to, take them to church and teach the the Bible, sit and converse with them daily, eat dinner together as a family, make them play outside, etc.

It's up to us to be a good example and not have our noses in our phones all the time, too. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do.

At their ages, it is only going to get harder from here. We're trying to set the tone and give them a good base of understanding.

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:
No phones until middle school when it's required to have it.

Required by who?

quote:

Originally posted by Black92LX:

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:
No phones until middle school when it's required to have it.

Required by who?

The schools require that the kids have a way to contact parents.

I should amend the list too:

Do not answer the phone from a number you don't know. If it persists, block them and tell me.

Do not answer a text from someone you don't know. If it persists, block them and tell me.

The police, town/city/state/fed authorities will never call you and ask you for money or threaten you with jail.

My kids grew up before this became an issue. But, a couple of years ago, I was sitting in a cafe and there was a table next to me with 4 or 5 high school age teens talking.

One of them said that the rules in their house was that the kids were not allowed to have a smart phone yet. And, they had to use their laptop in the living room - no devices were allowed in their bedroom.

I liked the sound of those rules.

I never had to set those rules verbally as I recall but they were understood, If I want to inspect, I’m going to. Before adolescence, we had the Apple filters on. After that, we didn’t worry much about it. It hasn’t been an issue. They’re not as bad as I was at that age and I maintained a very nice guy image. Give it your due diligence Arc, and don’t sweat it. Kids will be kids but lead by example. They will learn to be respectable just like we did.

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:

quote:

Originally posted by Black92LX:

quote:

Originally posted by Shaql:
No phones until middle school when it's required to have it.

Required by who?

The schools require that the kids have a way to contact parents.

That is completely laughable and would be a 100% hard no from this family.
The phone is the office will suffice just fine if they need to contact us.

quote:

Originally posted by Black92LX:

That is completely laughable and would be a 100% hard no from this family.
The phone is the office will suffice just fine if they need to contact us.

Exactly. Required by the school to have a phone? Ridiculous, and I would laugh in the face of anyone at the school who told me that.

Our two got phones at twelve, which seems to have been the point where most of them got them. They were under strict control for some years, but now they have fewer of them (now 16 and 17). They are subject to random inspection, however.

Once they hit high school, if they don’t have a phone it will be problematic as nearly everything the school does is through one app or another. Class scheduling, assignments, extracurriculars all go through the phone. Not crazy about it, but it’s the way it is.

You tube is the devil.

A student that worked with us (college) was required by school to get Facebook in order to get her class homework. She had avoided it until then.

You'll get a lot of varied advice. It's a big and complex issue. For those of us with older kids, this sort of happened to us, to a degree. We couldn't have really known how those little educational apps on a tablet could turn into the whole world on a tablet. How tablets/phones could turn into manipulation platforms. You've got a lot more available information now to inform you, and I'm certain you're eyes are pretty open to the risks.

I'd recommend watching The Social Dilemma. I for one wouldn't have mobile screens in my kids hands until as late as possible. And if/when I did, I wouldn't allow them to have "their own" screen. It would be a shared device. When our kids (my oldest) started going on band trips, we got him a phone. That was the start. Then the next, then the next. Then, teenage years came and they retreated into that GD thing. I despised it.

We dug through it. Digital Detox was the phrase I used to clean up the mess I allowed to start. I should have bought one phone as a family take-with-ya when needed device.

Hope that's helpful.

quote:

Originally posted by r0gue:

I'd recommend watching The Social Dilemma.

I watched this when r0gue recommended it before. I already knew some of it, having read about Tristan Harris. But, even if you know a little bit about the subject, The Social Dilemma has a lot to say about just how destructive, pernicious and manipulative social media is.