This from a friend who's lived and traveled all over the planet.

I almost retired in Phoenix, Arizona where...

1. Folks are willing to park three blocks away from any destination because they found some shade.
2. People experience condensation on their rear-ends from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. Folks can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave the Phoenix Metro Area.
4. Everyone has over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. Folks know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits them in the face if they open an oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, damn hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

-OR-

I thought about retiring in California where...

1. Folks make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of people's commute is going down your driveway
3. Everybody knows how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
6. Folks can live on the beach for free (especially in the LA area). All they need is a shopping cart, a blanket, a bottle of cheap wine, a stray dog, and an old tarp salvaged from a dumpster (in case it rains).

-OR-

I considered retiring in New York City where...

1. Folks say "the city" and expect everyone to know they mean Manhattan.
2. Folks can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. Folks think Central Park is "nature."
4. Folks believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes them multilingual.
5. Most folks have worn out their car horns... IF they have a car and a driver's license!
6. Folks think eye contact is an act of aggression.
7. But, of course, nobody really plans to retire in NYC, they plan on moving to Florida, but die first.

-OR-

I might have retire in New Jersey where...

1. Nobody retires in 'Jersey,' except people from New York City.

-OR-

I could have retired in Duluth, Minnesota where...

1. Folks only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. Everybody has seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and 7 weeks of road repairs.

-OR-

I thought of retiring in The Deep South where...

1. Folks can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense in court.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder" or "over yonder" or "out yonder."
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart" at the end!

-OR-

I might have moved to Colorado where...

1. Folks carry their $3,000 mountain bikes atop ancient (heavily-rusted) $900 Jeep Cherokees.
2. Women tell their husbands to pick up Granola on the way home, so hubby stops at the daycare center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of many male heads are bald, but they still have ponytails.

-OR-

I could have retired in Nebraska where...
1. Folks never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows everybody's name.
2. A traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You often have to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. Folks end every sentence with a preposition (e.g., "Where's my coat at?").

-OR-

FINALLY, I could have retired in Florida where...

1. Retirees eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon for $2.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. It's just as hot as Arizona, only they have humidity.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
6. If you're 65 they consider you a youngster.
7. When you vote for a president you generally are not around for the second term.
8. Where you thought you would get away from all the jerks in NY and NJ.

quote:

Originally posted by az4783054:

2. Women tell their husbands to pick up Granola on the way home, so hubby stops at the daycare center.

All of that was good, but the quoted line had me laughing like an idiot.

az4783054, Nebraska’s state slogan is, “ Honestly, it’s not for everyone”. I liked the old slogan, Nebraska: “The Beef State”

There is a book series available most Yoop tourism traps.
The titles are:
You Wont Like It Here.
You Still Wont Like It Here.
Recommended reading!

Az,
Some more for your Nebraska retirement list.

Along with the slogan, Nebraska is debuting a number of tourist-targeted print advertisements with equally charming copy. “Famous for our flat, boring landscape,” declares one ad. “Lucky for you, there’s nothing to do here,” reads another. A third ad, spotlighting the famed local Father’s Day weekend Testicle Festival proclaims, “Festivals for everything from mud to testicles.”

Funny!

But actually Nebraska sounds nice. I'll need to check it out.

quote:

Originally posted by konata88:
Funny!

But actually Nebraska sounds nice. I'll need to check it out.

It is nice, and we tried hard to buy some land south of Scottsbluff/Gering in a pretty place called the Wildcat Hills; taxes are too high.

The OP was great

quote:

I might have moved to Colorado where...

1. Folks carry their $3,000 mountain bikes atop ancient (heavily-rusted) $900 Jeep Cherokees.

Nah, it's Gen 1 1990's Subaru Outbacks. Not a lot of rust but they refuse to put good tires on them.

1] You're from California and visit Montana on a summer vacation
2] You love the weather there, and the open roads and fewer people.
3] you realize you can sell your California house, move there, buy a house on 100 acres and have money left over to retire there.
4] you execute the plan and move there
5] Winter hits
6] You almost die from the cold
7] You sell it all and go back to California and beg your boss for your old job back.

quote:

Originally posted by radioman:
1] You're from California and visit Montana on a summer vacation
2] You love the weather there, and the open roads and fewer people.
3] you realize you can sell your California house, move there, buy a house on 100 acres and have money left over to retire there.
4] you execute the plan and move there
5] Winter hits
6] You almost die from the cold
7] You sell it all and go back to California and beg your boss for your old job back.

Been that way forever. While doing my CFI at a school in Prescott, AZ twenty some years ago I met a fellow from Bozeman. When we each shared where we were from he said, “We love you guys! You come, drive up the property values, then after the first hard winter sell and leave.”

Funny thing is our son is starting at Montana State University in Bozeman this September. We’ll see if he’s able to handle the weather...

quote:

Originally posted by scratchy:
Not a lot of rust ....

Yup; not in Colorado.

Let’s not forget the alligators in Fla...they are lurking everywhere....and will come out of the water trap on number six and gobble your short lie at the rough and make you go over par

Colorado is spot on, except the rust part.

Now I have to go look for a vacuum leak in my 97 TJ.

Accurate, with the exception of Duluth. It’s in the great state of Minnesodium.

I went to Minneapolis Minnesodium.

They have three spices... Salt, Sodium, and salted sodium.

Three things about the great state of Minnesodium, there’s a cold wind around the next corner, people use their horns like I breathe air, and there is no shortage in salt.

The wife and I retired early and got out of Washington state in 1999. We both saw the writing on the wall. No matter what you say or think, whoever is making the decisions in your state capital will affect your life ever single day, there are no exceptions. I was born and raised in Washington (Puget Sound), lived there for 50 years.

We chose Missouri because the wife was raised here and her family is here. We knew the place as we vacationed here each year for a week. I have absolutely zero regrets.

There are a lot of places that would be nice to live in my opinion. Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, just to name a few.

quote:

Originally posted by radioman:
1] You're from California and visit Montana on a summer vacation
2] You love the weather there, and the open roads and fewer people.
3] you realize you can sell your California house, move there, buy a house on 100 acres and have money left over to retire there.
4] you execute the plan and move there
5] Winter hits
6] You almost die from the cold
7] You sell it all and go back to California and beg your boss for your old job back.

THE problem though...they vote here like they are still in California.

We were with the feds, who encouraged relocation for promotion. We simply moved around until we found a good place to retire, then refused further promotion. Small town Ky is inexpensive, has moderate weather, the citizens are tolerant, and gun laws very liberal. As and example, the second largest city had George Floyd protests Friday. 21 people showed up.

Louisville is, uh, different. In rioting Wed night, 7 people were shot, none by the police.

It's been said : the two best places to live are the place you just left and the place you 'think' is paradise and are considering moving to.

------------------------

quote:

Originally posted by scratchy:

quote:

I might have moved to Colorado where...

1. Folks carry their $3,000 mountain bikes atop ancient (heavily-rusted) $900 Jeep Cherokees.

Nah, it's Gen 1 1990's Subaru Outbacks. Not a lot of rust but they refuse to put good tires on them.

I resemble that remark (cept the tires part) . $3k gravel bike not pictured. Also you forgot we carry full coverage for hail.

Side note: Spearfish SD is my final destination someday.

Me too!

It’s all gold, but that line was platinum

quote:

Originally posted by PHPaul:

quote:

Originally posted by az4783054:

2. Women tell their husbands to pick up Granola on the way home, so hubby stops at the daycare center.

All of that was good, but the quoted line had me laughing like an idiot.