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Originally posted by P220 Smudge:

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Originally posted by Angus the Kid:
I do know the last three have been nurses, and he does not work in the health care industry.

Well... there's a few clues right there.

Right? I bet they are all single moms too.

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Originally posted by Ryanp225:

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Originally posted by jhe888:

(I am a lawyer and handle divorces. I see a lot of relationships that have soured. With serial divorces, this is often the pattern.)

I shudder to think of what you have seen come in and out of your doors. Poor bastards all of them.
You never really know a woman until you meet her in family court.

Many men are the same. Gender is no predictor of bad behavior.

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Originally posted by lastmanstanding:
There are many,many people who cannot live unless there is upheaval of one kind or another in their life regardless of what direction it comes from. Spouse, kids, relative, coworker the drama must be ongoing and continuous.

I’ve known a few people like this too.

I particularly recall a woman I worked with. Her life was a ongoing soap opera. Every week it was a new drama involving her directly, or her getting involved in someone else’s life.

It was entertaining to listen to occasionally, but I kept my distance.

This sounds like my older brother many years ago.

Our father told him that every time he got an erection, he thought he was in love.

My brother did not listen. He was married and divorced 3 times as well as a few live-ins before he turned 30.

He has been married to number 4 now for about 20 years.

Is he a country music guy? They go through some women...
Been watching the Nashville TV series, I'd scoop up the broken and used ones!

I’ve always believed everyone is entitled to a “starter marriage”. You learn, you split, you can blame the other person.

You start having multiple divorces, you need to be pointing the finger at the person you see in the mirror.

You can’t be happy married if you can’t be happy alone.


One request, can we say he “chooses poorly” from now on? I keep reading bad/broken “picker” as ”pecker”…

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Many men are the same. Gender is no predictor of bad behavior.

^^^ agreed.
Both sides generally ignore the need to do their due diligence for such an important decision and share at least some of the blame.
Although often not in equal proportions, it takes two to tango.

Cluster B attachment disorder. Borderline or Narcissist, or a mixture of both.

The pattern is meet a new person, idealize them, think they are everything and a soulmate. After a little time, when the new person does not live up to the idealization, they start devaluing the person and finding everything wrong, belittling, withholding affection, giving the silent treatment, then "splitting", which is going back and forth between love and hate, until eventually they completely devalue and discard the person.

Such disorders are caused by lack of attachment to the primary caregiver when very young, creating a big hole that can never be filled. They want to fill it so much they go through the above cycle, but because no adult can provide the parental love that was not given in the first place, the relationships almost always fail.

Now, either he is one of these, OR is a codependent (because his parent was a Cluster B) and addicted to the attention and "love" that cluster B's provide in the initial phase of idealization.

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Originally posted by 220-9er:

quote:

Many men are the same. Gender is no predictor of bad behavior.

^^^ agreed.
Both sides generally ignore the need to do their due diligence for such an important decision and share at least some of the blame.
Although often not in equal proportions, it takes two to tango.

The joke among family lawyers is that "tens do not marry twos."

Spend as much time evaluating a woman as you do a new car and you should be okay.

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The joke among family lawyers is that "tens do not marry twos."

^^^^^^^^^^^
Except when the twos have lots of money.

Understand you would like to help your friend but until they decied for themselves that they need to take stock of their actions and choices for getting into and out of personal relationships ..Best just give support and guideance but the time may come that you will have to put your foot down and take what ever action you deem fit. .............................. drill sgt.

My wife has a friend just like this. Every single boyfriend is "the one, can't believe how lucky I am, soul mate" yada yada yada. Same thing every single time.

It's certain personalities that can't just have an even keel. It's either the highest of highs or the lowest of lows. It's exhausting and I only see her once a month or so. I subtly bust her balls about it but she just thinks I don't get it, over and over again.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: 1s1k,

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Originally posted by lastmanstanding:
There are many,many people who cannot live unless there is upheaval of one kind or another in their life regardless of what direction it comes from. Spouse, kids, relative, coworker the drama must be ongoing and continuous. I've known several people like this. I usually break ties and run away otherwise you will get caught up in it. At the very least listening to their constant drama stories.

Don't think there's a cure they are just hard wired this way.

100%. They have to have conflict in their lives. Conflict and tension. And what does that equal? DRAMA!

I also run like hell from people like this. Women I’ve dated as well as friends. I knew one guy would be clinically depressed if he wasn’t dating, had a girlfriend, etc.

Had a Captain at my airline that had been married and divorced 7 times. After the last one he decided it was much cheaper to rent for a few hours, instead of keeping them.

Married for 28 years. Second marriage for both of us. We have a great marriage. Mostly because we decided going we had to work on it every single day. And we do.

Others have alluded to that your friend has to want help to solve his issues. there is nothing that you can do to assist him until he admits the problem is looking back from the mirror and he wants to change. No different than someone with an addiction or a money management problem.

If you are looking for an understanding of why he is doing this, look at the reasons for any other self destructive behavior.

@OP…

I’d suggest some Chesterton or Lewis or a good Men’s Bible study.

And, maybe some therapy.

I personally think before anyone gets married, they should be handcuffed together 24/7 for a month. If they are still breathing, there’s a good chance they’re made for each other. Think about it, Two people have been on their own, living their life their way for 18-30 years. Then someone pops in their life for a fraction of the time and they want to turn their two lives into one. Spending more time with each other every day than with anyone else.
I know I’m a slow learner, but it took me 15-20 years to figure my wife out. Not sure that’s 100% yet!

Marriage is a word and a ceremony to him.., and means nothing more to him than being a current steady girl. It's his ticket to the reaction, and the gush of love that he receives in return, for a while. Until that initial cooling to normality.

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Originally posted by r0gue:
Marriage is a word and a ceremony to him.., and means nothing more to him than being a current steady girl. It's his ticket to the reaction, and the gush of love that he receives in return, for a while. Until that initial cooling to normality.

This sounds accurate.