Mock all you want, but this is a legtimate question.

In the middle of my life’s path, to steal Dante’s words, I found myself divorced (not by my will, if that matters). The circumstances in which one finds company in one’s 20s are, I assume,vastly different from those in which a person in his/her 40s can do the same. I mean: we are not in university anymore, our social circle is comprised mostly of intact families etc.

What has worked for you, and what has not? Sigforum’s collective wisdom never failed me in the past, so I guess it would be harmless to ask.

If that matters: I have two kids from my previous (and only) marriage. I am solidly employed, with no vices.

Thanks in advance,

Steyn.

When I was a freshly divorced sailor I found it was very difficult to find women to date, because I’d only be in homeport for a month before we sailed again for three months....

A buddy and I went to every kind of event you could think of to find women.

Finally gave up on it due to my circumstances in the military. When I got out I found Mrs. Mike at a birthday party for her sister.

You never know when you might bump into someone.

I couldn’t imagine trying to date nowadays. If you go to church maybe you could start there.

What age group are you looking for?

I don't know how people do it but, there's an app for that now.

One of my co-workers was divorced. She went shopping. Seems certain nights and certain grocery stores were where it’s at to meet other singles. In fact she listed the best ones in the area and that Thursday is the best night. Oh, and never buy “family size.”

LOL... can't offer any advice but I will say I'm right their with ya

Late 40s never married. The bulk of my hobbies, both indoor and outdoor types, seem to be mainly male dominated. The only female types I ever seem to meet anywhere I go or "hang out" at are only there because of the husbands

I joined meetup groups. I think it’s meetup.com or something. There are singles groups but also groups for all sorts of interests. Hiking. Music, pretty much anything. It takes the pressure off the singles scene. I met my best friend at one. Now my fiancé, I met her in bar.

ETA: yes website is correct above and there’s an app also. I’d even recommend the singles groups because a bunch of people will meet for drinks or a show or whatever and again no pressure.

I had a horndog buddy back in the day who used a pot bellied pig as a chick magnet. He'd put porky on a leash and walk him on dog paths. Chicks couldn't stay away.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
What age group are you looking for?

25-40 (as I want to have the option of having more kids, circumstances allowing).

If not for the “kids factor”, my window would be 30-40.

My advice is don't work too hard at it. Live your live, enjoy your hobbies, concentrate on your work, spend time with your friends and family. Don't decline any social invitations no matter how much you'd rather just stay at home on the couch. If you don't have the skill, learn how to be a good listener. You'll be surprised how things seem to fall together.

I would definately do a dating app. Zoosk, Match, eharmony, etc.

My friend was in the same boat as you divorced at 50. Not his idea. Spent a couple of months on match and now he has a girlfriend that is better than his ex!!!!

Have you considered taking up yoga?

Dude, the grocery store is genius! I see so many beautiful women there it’s like a spectator sport...of course there’s a college nearby, but if I was looking for 40-50, the store is the place.

Icabod for the win

Joining a gym if you do not belong. The best way is through friends. They know you and a whole bunch of people you don't. I would not suggest dating apps.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Joining a gym if you do not belong. The best way is through friends. They know you and a whole bunch of people you don't. I would not suggest dating apps.

Are you speaking from experience? Unless you have a lot of friends that seems like a very small dating pool. And I haven't known gyms to be a great place because women are expecting to be hit on and some are even there to actually work out lol

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Joining a gym if you do not belong. The best way is through friends. They know you and a whole bunch of people you don't. I would not suggest dating apps.

Bingo! Network, network and network some more.
Your friends know you and they know their friends. They won’t steer you or their friends into a wreck of a relationship. Good luck.

If you’re looking for friends, I know many people who have found friendships through adult sports like softball, kickball or volleyball. I’m in my 40s and have just started playing Pickleball which seems to be a very social sport. Although, most of the people that I’ve met are more advanced in age.

Another good option would be group exercise classes. I have friends who have gotten into Crossfit and have created long lasting personal and business contacts.

It’s weird meeting people as an established adult. I think that you should seek out like minded individuals. If you’re religious, look for a subset of that group who meets socially. Volunteer activities may provide opportunities also. Single parent groups may also work.

Good luck!

I went through a period where I joined outfits like Parents without Partners. That turned out to be a meat market with major down sides.

Female employees at work were out because of my seniority.

You name it I did it from blind dates to....

Then I got sick and decided I didn't want to attract any "nurse maids" which had started. I've learned to be happy by myself.

I fought tooth and nail, but failed, to make my 1st marriage work for 6 shitty years.

About the time my Divorce was final my best friend had asked the daughter of a farmer he was doing some tractor work for out on a date. They had one date and done, no connection at all.

So the farmers daughter had a best friend and my friend wanted to try her, but she refused unless it was a double date. So I got recruited to go on a blind date with the farmers daughter and he went with her best friend.

To say we hit it off was an understatement. We were married three months later, that was 42 years ago! I was single less than 6 months.

So? The moral of this story is...
Have your friends throw you their rejects
Hey, worked for me!

Let your friends' wives know you are open to "finding a match," they will move heaven and earth to help you find that "special someone." Not every one will be a prize, but you will give the matchmakers a lot of entertainment value.