"It was a hot and muggy night, the humidity hung like Spanish moss in an old oak tree...

... somewhere else, for in the mountains it was 50 degrees and rain.

It took awhile to figure out if I was still alive. My face was in the dirt, blood trickling into my good eye, and I was missing a boot. I rolled off my face, and slowly pushed myself onto my feet. There was a 70’s era Pinto idling a few feet away, and I knew it wasn’t mine. It had California plates. I had no clue who I was, where I was, or where to go. There wasn’t a road in sight, and I was out of bullets.

Turns out it was a '76 Pinto with the big rear window. Got my boot out of the passenger floorboard. Next to it was a wide-body Mustang II. The Pantera and two Bricklins were parked behind them. I slid into the drivers seat of the AMX Von Piranha. Damn! The garage door was being opened and two shadows emerged from the alley

However, I still had a full pack of Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum, so at least I’d still have fresh breath. Reaching into my shirt pocket for the gum...

I pulled out my Zippo and climbed into the air duct in Nakatomi Plaza I found at the explosive Christmas Party Holly invited me to last week...

Suddenly a shot rang out.

Damn it, I just shot myself in the

Foot, as luck would have it I had my steel toes boots on.

Pinky toe.

I flipped the safety off and wondered how I got into this. I knew I was born to live by the gun, it was my destiny. Ever since the incident with the gay cake and the assless chaps things had been all jacked up. My mind has been wandering, my brother had even recently asked if I was fucking smoking dope. I wasnt, but it felt like I had been.

Although I wish I hadn't taken the Miralax just now.

I didn't need the Miralax after all, I could just be bendable.

Just then, Barry shined his flashlight into the Pinto's rear view mirror and, in a quiet voice, tensely said, "Schultzie---hand me the piano."

Schultzie....ever obedient handed him the piano which involved more contortions than a well payed Thai hooker.

Suddenly....

I sneezed.....Aaannndd the Miralax began working...

The Thai hooker popped out of the the piano......

Barry lost track of the dark form in the rear view mirror....and a bead of sweat broke out on his brow.

...it was as foggy as fuck...much like the rest of the year (what is left of it)...but the hooker was not all seeing (she was crammed in a piano )...

The training kicked in and I tried my best to escape in the dark. To the mens room I thought, for safety and certain necessity of that Miralax thing...butt no. Backed into a huge floor fan, like something out of the 60's it crashed, scared me, and....

I realized it was the laxative talking and I was not being very receptive...the burden was now mine and I was not at all happy