My mom's been acting very strange lately...now I know why...(LONG)

April 28, 2018, 01:07 PM

quote:
quote:
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Korsakoff syndrome

I'm not too sure TBH. The hospital staff haven't really told me much else besides what they strongly suspect.

If that's the case, she won't care. Apathy and confabulation (lying) are part of the condition.

April 28, 2018, 04:21 PM

Echtermetzger

quote:
Shitty thing is that I am going to have to wait it out.
Her co workers love her but noticed a change, hospital is trying, her estranged daughter (my sister) came down to see her, nothing's helped.
I'm thinking to reach out to Al-Anon.

All throughout this whole thing, I'm still not very close to her. I'm pretty estranged from her myself.

then don't. She doesn't want help with her alcoholism, she wants help cleaning up all the shit she leaves in her wake.

If she is ready to stop, then you can decide to help her then. Until then, it is her problem and you cannot fix it for her. She has to come to realize on her own that she alone is responsible and the cavalry is not coming over the hill to rescue her.

Until she loses something of consequence that forces her to recognize what the cost of her drinking is, no amount of pleading, second chances, or excuse-making will change that.

Take care of yourself first. Don't spend time, money or anxious thoughts on someone who just wants you to make things better for them.

Check out Al-Anon, see a counselor, talk with friends and hope for the best.

April 28, 2018, 05:55 PM

Fla. Jim

"If she is ready to stop, then you can decide to help her then. Until then, it is her problem and you cannot fix it for her. She has to come to realize on her own that she alone is responsible and the cavalry is not coming over the hill to rescue her.

Until she loses something of consequence that forces her to recognize what the cost of her drinking is, no amount of pleading, second chances, or excuse-making will change that."

In the beginning of AA they would not admit anyone who still had two same shoes on their feet! If they had that or more they were deemed to not have lost enough yet to give up self will. It's become quite a bit more open since then. Everybody's bottom is different. But she will have to want help for anything to "maybe" work for her. Some that want sobriety desperately, never make it. They are unable to live a life of honesty and sobriety. They seem to have been born that way.

April 28, 2018, 08:11 PM

Aquabird

Are you positive it is alcohol and not say..dementia?

My cousin was acting strange for a long time, I actually thought it was dementia, but it actually turned out to be alcohol and drugs.

But I would rule out dementia first.

April 28, 2018, 08:15 PM

ZSMICHAEL

quote:
Are you positive it is alcohol and not say..dementia?

Alcohol is a primary cause of early onset dementia. Large quantities of alcohol over time cause significant damage to the brain. With the facts presented the most likely cause is alcohol dependence.

April 28, 2018, 09:07 PM

acidjazz

Update: An hour ago I got a call from her neighbour. She's hanging out outside her house with no key to get in. She checked herself out of the hospital against her doctor's wishes. They're concerned she's going to have another seizure. And at this point in her alcohol withdrawal, she may die.
My mom might die tonight.
Last time she had a seizure she busted her head and passed out.

I called the cops to do a check wellbeing, but there isn't a whole lot more i can do. That's it, we're done.

My mom called me and I gave her shit for leaving the hospital. She said she'd go back. Then she phoned me back and said she was back in the hospital, and I demanded to speak to somebody there and she said, "OK let me pass you to a nurse," then hung up on me.

Sorry to dump on all you fine folks. I have an alcoholic mother who is going through withdrawl, has no car (her co workers took her keys away), no way to get into her own house, and she's going through very hard withdrawl. She may die tonight. And I can do nothing but wait.

I'm at my limit. I cannot go back to see her. It's too much for me.

But my girlfriend's here, all I can do is go have a nice dinner and have my phone on, and wait.

April 28, 2018, 11:50 PM

Echtermetzger

quote:
Are you positive it is alcohol and not say..dementia?

Any competent ER Doc and a SLU test can rule out dementia.

quote:
I called the cops to do a check wellbeing, but there isn't a whole lot more i can do. That's it, we're done.

It doesn't seem natural to turn away from a suffering loved one, but there is a point where trying to fix them costs too much of your own time, money and sanity.

The reality is that you have zero control over her, her health, her drinking, her job, etc., etc., etc.

And if you have zero control, you have zero responsibility.

April 28, 2018, 11:53 PM

jimmy123x

quote:
Originally posted by Echtermetzger:
quote:
Shitty thing is that I am going to have to wait it out.
Her co workers love her but noticed a change, hospital is trying, her estranged daughter (my sister) came down to see her, nothing's helped.
I'm thinking to reach out to Al-Anon.

All throughout this whole thing, I'm still not very close to her. I'm pretty estranged from her myself.

then don't. She doesn't want help with her alcoholism, she wants help cleaning up all the shit she leaves in her wake.

If she is ready to stop, then you can decide to help her then. Until then, it is her problem and you cannot fix it for her. She has to come to realize on her own that she alone is responsible and the cavalry is not coming over the hill to rescue her.

Until she loses something of consequence that forces her to recognize what the cost of her drinking is, no amount of pleading, second chances, or excuse-making will change that.

Take care of yourself first. Don't spend time, money or anxious thoughts on someone who just wants you to make things better for them.

Check out Al-Anon, see a counselor, talk with friends and hope for the best.

THIS. If she's willing to go to rehab and get help, then help her as much as possible. If not, walk away and don't look back. Only she can choose to help herself.

April 29, 2018, 10:12 AM

jjkroll32

quote:
Originally posted by acidjazz:
Update: An hour ago I got a call from her neighbour. She's hanging out outside her house with no key to get in. She checked herself out of the hospital against her doctor's wishes. They're concerned she's going to have another seizure. And at this point in her alcohol withdrawal, she may die.
My mom might die tonight.
Last time she had a seizure she busted her head and passed out.

I called the cops to do a check wellbeing, but there isn't a whole lot more i can do. That's it, we're done.

My mom called me and I gave her shit for leaving the hospital. She said she'd go back. Then she phoned me back and said she was back in the hospital, and I demanded to speak to somebody there and she said, "OK let me pass you to a nurse," then hung up on me.

Sorry to dump on all you fine folks. I have an alcoholic mother who is going through withdrawl, has no car (her co workers took her keys away), no way to get into her own house, and she's going through very hard withdrawl. She may die tonight. And I can do nothing but wait.

I'm at my limit. I cannot go back to see her. It's too much for me.

But my girlfriend's here, all I can do is go have a nice dinner and have my phone on, and wait.

Would you be willing/able to pursue temporary guardianship with assistance from Case management/Social work?

If she is not able to articulate an understanding of her medical condition and physicians agree that she does not have capacity for making her own medical decisions, you may be able to petition to be her surrogate to get her the help that she needs.

April 29, 2018, 10:38 AM

ZSMICHAEL

Most states have court ordered treatment for alcoholism and drug addiction. It is a matter of filing paperwork with a psycholgist or physician certifying she needs treatment. Most hospitals are aware of what is required. This sort of work is usually initiated by the hospital social worker. Basically the patient gets involuntary treatment.

April 29, 2018, 11:06 AM

acidjazz

I left a message for the social worker but haven't heard back. The hospital says she checked out against the doctor's wishes.
The police (I called them) went by and I was hoping she'd acts strange enough to have them apprehend her but she didn't.

I tried my very best. Last night I turned my ringer off. At this point she may have a seizure and die if she hasn't.

But I can't dwell on it too much, as bad as it sounds. Gotta go live my life.

April 29, 2018, 02:34 PM

Pale Horse

quote:
Originally posted by acidjazz:
I left a message for the social worker but haven't heard back. The hospital says she checked out against the doctor's wishes.
The police (I called them) went by and I was hoping she'd acts strange enough to have them apprehend her but she didn't.

I tried my very best. Last night I turned my ringer off. At this point she may have a seizure and die if she hasn't.

But I can't dwell on it too much, as bad as it sounds. Gotta go live my life.

I’m sorry to hear that but you have to take care of you. She made her choices. I know it’s hard because she is still your mom and something inside of us doesn’t want to abandon our mom but you can’t die with her.