The satire site Babylon Bee is having a field day with all this stuff there:

quote:

In Response To Growing Number Of Fistfights, London Mayor Bans Hands

LONDON—In response to a recent outbreak in fistfights, London mayor Sadiq Khan announced Monday a sweeping ban of hands in the city, effective immediately.

“No excuses: there is never a reason to have hands in a modern, civil society. Anyone who does will be caught, and they will feel the full force of the law,” Khan said at a press conference announcing the new policy during which he revealed that he has had his own hands surgically removed as a good-faith move to jump-start the new regulations.

Along with the new hand-control measures, Khan announced a new task force focused on purging the city of hands, as well as an expanded police presence focused on stopping and searching citizens who they think may have failed to have their hands removed from their person.

At publishing time, rumors were swirling that the mayor was planning on banning feet after two handless men got into a quarrel and began kicking each other.

Link

quote:

Toddler Brandishing Play-Doh Pocketknife Apprehended By UK Police

LONDON—A “potentially dangerous situation” was defused by London police Monday morning, as a toddler cutting Play-Doh with a toy plastic pocketknife was tackled to the ground and apprehended by a Specialist Firearms Command unit, sources confirmed at the scene.

The toddler was happily cutting a lump of green-ish Play-Doh with his official Play-Doh pocketknife in his mum’s London flat when a Metro Police unit kicked his door down and charged in, bellowing for everyone to get down on the ground. Several other operatives dove through windows and rappelled from skylights, tossing tear gas and breaching doors throughout the home until the 3-year-old was neutralized.

Later reports revealed the toddler’s mother had called in the threat, as she saw her little boy playing with the knife and began fearing for her life. “We tried to raise him right, but at some point he just lost his way,” she said, holding back tears while covered in a police blanket. “You never know when they’re going to go astray.”

“Londoners can rest easy tonight knowing that one fewer little tyke is prowling the streets with a deadly cutting object,” London mayor Sadiq Khan said in an emergency press conference held after the confrontation. “There is never a good reason to carry a knife, and we will come down with the full force of the law on any other toddlers who use cutting utensils on modeling compounds.”

When the young boy was checked into the police station, officers reportedly found he was packing other dangerous weapons about his person, including an inflatable samurai sword, a Nerf pistol, and a suspicious green substance that later turned out to be “a giant, disgusting bogey.”

Link

By the way, there are hundreds of reasons to carry a knife, most of which have nothing to do with self defense or cutting a human being.

quote:

Originally posted by CQB60:
Wanker Mayor should spend a weekend in a Detroit or Memphis for a reality check. Evil exists in the world wether you wish to acknowledge it or not...

The mayor is evil, like his co-believers. It is the egotism that blinds their moral sight. According to sharia, infidels must be disarmed.

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
By the way, there are hundreds of reasons to carry a knife, most of which have nothing to do with self defense or cutting a human being.

You know, that's what I was thinking when I saw the original quote. What a ridiculous statement. An English gentleman would be among the first to assert that no gentleman should be without certain items, a penknife among them. And a working man would find no end to the uses of a blade or two carried with him at all times.
How could the mayor, or anyone else, say such a thing with a straight face?

quote:

Originally posted by amals:

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
By the way, there are hundreds of reasons to carry a knife, most of which have nothing to do with self defense or cutting a human being.

You know, that's what I was thinking when I saw the original quote. What a ridiculous statement. An English gentleman would be among the first to assert that no gentleman should be without certain items, a penknife among them. And a working man would find no end to the uses of a blade or two carried with him at all times.[]How could the mayor, or anyone else, say such a thing with a straight face?[/b]

One certainly wonders what, and how, he eats? (And who prepares it for him?)

flashguy

Like probably every one here, I carry a knife everywhere and everyday. On the ship I actually carry three different knives (my Leatherman I'm counting as one) each of which serves a different function. None of the knives that I carry are specifically for using as a weapon (though I'm certainly willing to if it came to that); they are carried because they help me get through my day much more efficiently.

That and as we all know, "a knifeless man is a lifeless man."

^^^^Yes. I'm never without at least one knife and I use it every day.

For me, a knife is a tool, if I have to use it as a weapon, I'm in deep shit.

I'll see if this works

I carry four knives on me almost every day. Actually five, because my Leatherman Wave has two. Then my little Leatherman Micra, carried for the little scissors and tiny screwdriver. Then my trusty Swiss army knife, this is used mostly to scrape gum off the freaking floor of the bus ...

Then my Benchmade Mini Striker. So my everyday knife carry would give this moron the "Vapors".


ARman

This is from last year:



https://twitter.com/MPSBarnsbu...872512418009091?s=20

This message has been edited. Last edited by: lkdr1989,

why is the mayor still breathing?

quote:

Originally posted by stickman428:
Didn’t parts of Europe have sword control back in the dark ages? Nice to see the U.K. is progressing.

Nothing really new for London:

“To the mayor and sheriffs of London. Order to cause proclamation to be made, forbidding any man of whatsoever estate or condition to make unlawful assemblies in the city or suburbs of London, to go armed, girt with a sword or arrayed with unwonted harness, carry with him such arms, swords or harness, or do aught whereby the peace may be broken or the statutes concerning the bearing of arms contrary to the peace, or any of the people be disturbed or put in fear, under pain of losing his arms etc. and of imprisonment at the king's will, except lords, great men, knights and esquires of good estate, other men upon entering or leaving the city, and the king's officers and ministers appointed to keep the peace; and order after such proclamation to arrest all whom they shall find acting contrary to the same with the exceptions aforesaid, their followers, the arms, swords etc. found with them, and to keep them in custody in prison until further order, causing their arms etc. to be appraised and answer to be made to the king for them, and certifying in chancery from time to time the names of those arrested and the price and value of their arms etc. and so behaving that henceforward no more mischief be there done by their default; as it has now newly come to the king's ears that there are evildoers and breakers of the peace, some armed, some girt about the midst with swords, and some arrayed as aforesaid, who lurk in divers places within the city and suburbs and run to and fro committing batteries, mayhems, robberies, manslaughters etc., and hindering and disturbing the ministers and officers of the city from the exercise of their offices, in contempt of the king and breach of the peace, to the disturbance and terror of the people and contrary to the said statutes, which the king will not and ought not to endure.”
'Close Rolls, Richard II: December 1393

Interestingly, by the 16th and 17th centuries wear of a sword was common (in concert with duelling), although restricted to those not of unseemly length...

"Item, her majesty also ordereth and commandeth that no person shall wear any sword, rapier, or suchlike weapon that shall pass the length of one yard and half-a-quarter of the blade at the uttermost, nor any dagger above the length of 12 inches in blade at the most, nor any buckler with any point or pike above two inches in length. And if any cutler or other artifices shall sell, make, or keep in his house any sword, rapier, dagger, buckler, or suchlike contrary thereunto, the same to be imprisoned and to make fine at the Queen's majesty's pleasure, and the weapon to be forfeited; and if any such person shall offend a second time, then the same to be vanished from the place and town of his dwelling."

quote:

Originally posted by ArtieS:
If you can't beat the absurdity, add to the absurdity.

Welcome to my world.

Can't make this stuff up...

Dang! I want one of those boxes. I'd love to put one up near here. I could use some new tools and knives.

quote:

Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Can't make this stuff up...

Seeing that makes me want to echo Para's sentiment!

Only cowards support a government that castrates them.

quote:

Originally posted by BamaJeepster:
Can't make this stuff up...

You can bet there's CCTV trained on that box so no one vandalizes it in any way.

I can't carry a paint brush?