Billy Ray here. How y'all doin?

Funny thing happened the other night. I got called “enlightened” by a teenage girl.

Y'all know I like to relax out in the garage by working on the ole hot rod and drinkin a beer or two. Got me a fridge and a TV out there too so’s I can watch football.

The teenage kid next door likes to stop by and watch me work on the car when he sees the door open and sees the lights on. Sometimes he brings his girlfriend and their other teen friends over. They kind of look at me like I’m from another planet. I’m older than their parents and probably from a different world. Their parents are yuppies and I’m kinda like the red neck uncle that yuppie families don’t like to admit is in the family. Nuff said.

The kids are nice and respectful. They ask questions about hot rods, guns, fishing, my generation, old rock and roll and country music, Vietnam, growing up in the country, stuff I guess they never hear about at home. I listen to them, try not to be judgmental and give them Dr Peppers from outta the fridge.

I must admit, I feel like a zoo animal sometimes. We don’t always agree and the girls do a lot of eye rolling. Still they like to come over and watch the Reddus Neckus in his native habitat, workin on cars and watchin NASCAR and football on TV.

That night, the neighbor boy and his girlfriend and friends were out for a walk and saw the light on. They stopped by. We talked about the car for a while and then the subject of the Kardasian sisters came up. The girlfriend said she guessed I didn’t even know who they were. I told her that actually, I know exactly who they are and I have a lot of admiration for them. “They’ve managed to be successful and provide money for themselves.” I said. “Quite an achievement.”

“Well Mr. Bill,” the kids girlfriend said, “how enlightened you are. I would have thought you wouldn’t approve of them. I mean, you don’t know much about popular culture and certainly don’t stay up with the latest trends and fashions.”

“How could I not like them”? “I said. “They have a TV show, a fashion line and it’s obvious they’ve made lots of money. What they have achieved just illustrates what a wonderful country we live in.”

When I said this, the kids just looked at each other and seemed stunned that I would say such a thing. The girlfriend looked at me and said “Well, it’s so open minded that you admire them. Something I wouldn’t expect. I’m delighted to hear that, but what do you mean when you say they illustrate what wonderful country we live in?”

“Well”, I said, “in most other countries they would be ignored and marginalized” “What do you mean and why marginalized?” the girlfriend said. I replied, “In what other country would a bunch of retarded siblings get their own TV show and make a lot of money?”

Well, there was a stunned silence and lots of slack jaws. I thought maybe someone had broken wind and I hadn’t heard it.

“The Kardasian girls are not mentally deficient!”, the kid’s girlfriend almost shouted.

“But, haven’t you ever hear then talk!“ I said. “Have you ever listened to what they say? How can they not be mentally off? Those girls are ate up with stupid! Besides that, look at those rear ends, especially that poor deformed Kim. That girl ain’t right. A butt like that has to be the result of some kinda hang-fire chromosome problem!”

Well there was a little more silence. I couldn’t figure out what all of the sudden confusion was about. There was some eye rolling from the girls and then someone changed the subject, but the ambiance of the whole place seemed to deflate ( bet I surprised you with that word huh? I learned that from one of the neighbor yuppie parents. I since have always tried to maintain an ‘ambiance’ in my garage). The kids began saying their goodbyes and gradually melted away into the night.

I laid down on my garage crawler and slid under the hot rod for one last turn on a universal bolt. While lying there under the rear end I thought: “I’m enlightened but that poor Kardasian girl really does have a huge ass.”

I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked! How could you not know that Kim Kardashian got butt implants because Kanye West asked her to after they got married? I'm gonna have to try putting a TV and a fan in the garage.

Had me worried for a while there about your maintaining your man card, but you just rang the bell!
Love it!!

quote:

A butt like that has to be the result of some kinda hang-fire chromosome problem!”

So, you have never seen Armenians before!

quote:

I’m enlightened but that poor Kardasian girl really does have a huge ass

No way she's crawling beneath a hot rod with that thing.

"Hang fire chromosome problem"

That sir is comedy gold. I salute you.

I don't care where she got that ass from, it's magnificent.

But they're a kooky bunch, for sure.

The whole lot of them can be launched into the sun

I enjoyed reading your story.

They probably have never seen a female Romulan rear end.

quote:

Originally posted by cslinger:
"Hang fire chromosome problem"

That sir is comedy gold. I salute you.

Agreed. My laughter woke the cat.

quote:

Originally posted by maxdog:
While lying there under the rear end I thought: “I’m enlightened but that poor Kardasian girl really does have a huge ass.”

That she does...that she does

Kim Kardashian's Salary
$50 Million Per Year

$175 Million net worth.

Daddy was one of OJ's dream team lawyers.

Not bad for doing a porno for a start in life.

Butt implants? You mean that's on purpose? I've heard of tribal disfigurement rituals, but I didn't realize it was among the approved Hollywood bodily symbol display options. I thought membership could be visibly displayed by tattoos, facelifts, breast enhancements, syphllis warts STD scars and coke corroded septums.

What kind of surgeon would do this sort of surgery and what does a patient ask for? " Please give me the Ugly Ass Operation! No, I mean it! I want the Repulsive Package!"

"Actually, Dr. Allen, our patient says she wants the Romulan Rear End Option."

My oldest Granddaughter and I have had that same discussion several times.

quote:

"Actually, Dr. Allen, our patient says she wants the Romulan Rear End Option."

I'm embarrassed to admit that I know this as well (tabloids at the checkout line), but her mother just got a set of butt implants too. I guess that if you base a, well, media career on weirdness then eventually the weirdness takes over.

quote:

Originally posted by maxdog:
Butt implants? You mean that's on purpose? I've heard of tribal disfigurement rituals, but I didn't realize it was among the approved Hollywood bodily symbol display options. I thought membership could be visibly displayed by tattoos, facelifts, breast enhancements, syphllis warts STD scars and coke corroded septums.

What kind of surgeon would do this sort of surgery and what does a patient ask for? " Please give me the Ugly Ass Operation! No, I mean it! I want the Repulsive Package!"

"Actually, Dr. Allen, our patient says she wants the Romulan Rear End Option."

There is way worse than butt implants. Gals are going to doctors as well unlicensed hacks to have injections to get a big ghetto butt. Hell, a few years back a dumbass Houston woman went to a hotel for an unlicensed injection and ended up hospitalized with an infection because the injection turned out to be caulk from HD.

I'm pretty sure there was a thread on this 3 years ago when this woman died from a silicon butt injection.

Kardashian...butt-implant... Clearly some people have never been exposed to other ethnicities.

quote:

Houston woman went to a hotel for an unlicensed injection and ended up hospitalized with an infection because the injection turned out to be caulk from HD.

This is still happening. I heard a recent story about one of these on the radio the other day. Apparently the "doctor" was using the Dunkin Donuts next door as his "waiting room".

They had an expert to point out the obvious: If you're waiting in a donut shop for the "nurse" to come get you, it's probably not legit.