I have to say that my wife is an intelligent woman, a good business person-she handles purchasing and marketing for our small retail business. She's not stupid. But she thinks...differently...than I do.

This morning we're in the house and she asks me "can you bring a bag of potting soil from the garage to the patio for me?"

I reply "sure, which bag is it?" I don't want to carry the wrong bag out to the patio.

She says "there's only one bag". I'm thinking this is simple.

Then she adds "remind me that I need to return the other bag to the nursery".

Me: "You just told me there's only one bag. How do you need to return a bag?"

Her: "I have to return the other bag."

Me: "But you just told me there's only one bag. Is there only one bag?"

Her: "There's only one bag."

Me: "How can you return one if there's only one bag?"

Her: "There's only one bag, but there's two of them."


So I understand now, there's two bags of the same potting soil. But it took me a minute to get over "there's only one bag, but there's two of them".

It's a trap!

Every single time.

"While your are at WalMart, can you pick me up the generic DayQuil?" I think, "Finally, one I can do." Spy the DayQuil, grab a bottle of the generic which is right next to the brand name, success! Get home, nope. Got it wrong again. I grabbed the liquid and apparently it also comes in capsules which is of course what she wanted, but neglected to tell me. Of course it wouldn't really matter if she said capsules because then I would have grabbed the red pills and she would have wanted the blue pills.

At least she didn't say "I have to return the wrong bag, but there is only one bag.", because the math is:

"There is only one bag. One bag is the only bag, the other is the wrong bag and must be returned, so bring me the only one right bag."

To which you reply: "So, what dontcha want?"

Years ago there was a post here that questioned if it was possible to be wrong 100% of the time. The following post was:

"Obviously you have never been married".

That has become the running joke at home. When my wife takes issue with my behavior "100%" is my response. I've actually considered getting a "100%" shirt.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: NOCkid,

I just read this to my wife and she said that it made perfectly good sense to her. You are not alone honestlou.

My daughter stopped here after shopping one day and said that she had seen a clown at the mall.

My wife says, "Was it a real clown or somebody dressed up like a clown?"

Ok, so it's not just my wife.

I've been married 32 years...it's all women.

one is none and two is one

Why does this sound familiar?

quote:

Originally posted by sig2392:
Why does this sound familiar?

Because he's married to many men's sister-n-law?

Now you won't have an extra bag . Poor planning ...

Their math is different than ours. My son in law would tell me, "just take the L man."

My wife's most used word......'but...'

I confess sometimes Mrs DF makes me wonder….. She’s a very intelligent, educated and logical person. I know this. I’ve witnessed it for decades. And then she’ll have a sudden incongruent lapse. She’ll say something or ask a question that makes me tilt me head and in soliloquy ask, where has she been during our entire conversation? And yet it makes perfect sense to her. I have learned to just back up to the derailment and start over.

While trying to avoid the logical inconsistencies I’ve also learned to never look for things in her purse. If she asks, I say no, you do it. There’s no way I’m putting my hand in that void she calls a purse. I could rummage through it for hours and still never find what she’s asking for.

Read your post last night, the only thing it was missing was the final, “you just don’t understand” response I would normally get from my wife.

quote:

Originally posted by sigspecops:
I’ve also learned to never look for things in her purse.

Oh, heck no!

I'll happily bring her purse to her, but I'm not about to reach in there. Nope, no way, not doing it. Nuh-uh.

Most of us - I assume - carry on silent, internal conversations with ourselves. My wife certainly does and when she reaches a conclusion she states it out loud, like she expects me to follow the chain of logic.

One of these days, I expect my eyes to spin around saying TILT! like a loony-tunes cartoon...