Mom sent some papers for me to sign to give me power of attorney. She said we only have to sign them and no notary or attorney is required. I am not sure about that. I'm in PA if that matters.

I want to help her out but I haven't even had time to get the papers back to her before her nursing home closes and they aren't having visitation anyway due to a COVID-19 case. Oh, she's in there for medical rehab, not permanently.

I'm not sure I can help as much as she needs. I'm not sure I can take on the responsibility or even know what my responsibility really will be.

What's your advice?

If you don't who will?

I have medical and financial power of attorney for my mom and I am a trustee of her trust (social security trust, not a separate legal entity).

She's in an assisted living place and was doing OK as far as I knew but it became clear that she was a fraud victim in waiting. Luckily the bank stopped her from trying to authorize an international debit card transaction to pay the shipping and handling fees on a "free" gift card for whatever store and cancelled the account, which notified me, and then I found out she was writing check after check for $5 to $10 to every stupid fake charity that sent her direct mail, and spent thousands on useless crap from publishers clearing house.

That was when I realized that there are entire industries that do nothing but convince judgement compromised elderly to give them money. All you have to do is promise something for "free" or tell them they are a "winner" or tell them social security is going to disappear if they don't give money to some bullshit charity.

So now I control the money, get all the mail delivered to my house, pay all the bills, and give her cash when she needs money.

If I did not do this I'm pretty certain that she would piss away everything she has on one scam or another. Sad, but that's what happens to old people and you can't legally stop them. Technically she could still walk into the bank and order a wire transfer of everything she has to Nigeria and the only thing that might stop it is the bank seeing I am a trustee and calling me to make sure. The only way to have complete control is to declare her incompetent by legal action and no lawyer will go anywhere close to that since she is not medically diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimers. And she would be unable to have a driver's license, among other things.

Do it now and avoid trouble, or find out she's broke and destitute after she's cleaned out.

But, go to a lawyer and make sure it's all done right. No "legal zoom" or "financial adviser" saying you don't need a lawyer. Might cost $1000 bucks or so.

The lawyers can give a full answer but I just set this up for my wife and myself so I will give my perspective:

If it's a "Springing" power of attorney then it only comes into effect if she's comatose or otherwise unable to make her own decisions, as judged by a doctor. That is the way we set ours up.

Ours had to be notarized.

Bruce

The down side is you might have issues with other family members, and it will take some of your time. I assume you have good relations with your mom and other family members so it seems your mom want's the burden off of her in her declining years. I say step up and have a frank discussion with the rest of he family. What is the alternative?

2 witnesses and a notary are required

Powers of attorney can give you the ability to make almost any decision and take any action she can make for herself, or they can be more limited and customized. So, you have to read them and see what powers you are being given. You could be given the power to write checks, but not to sell her house, for example.

Often medical powers of attorney are split out from the more "business-like" powers, like to write checks. and buy or sell things.

As RNshooter said, they often only become effective she becomes incapacitated.

I will note that some institutions (banks are notorious) will ignore that you have them. They are too afraid of liability and, it must be said, they have no way to know who you are and how you came to have the powers.

How burdensome it could become depends on what happens and how strict your sense of duty is. You could have a full-blown power of attorney and decline to do much, if you want.

I would expect most places would require at least notarization, and perhaps witnesses. But that depends on jurisdiction.

And just to correct your legal usage - you do not become a "power of attorney" you are given powers of attorney. You become her attorney. (Which is why some lawyers object to being called attorneys, as, while we have some power to act on behalf of our clients, we don't usually have wide-ranging powers of attorney.)

It's one of those things you have to do.

Have a frank discussion with your mom and make sure you understand her wishes for different situations.

I would also suggest you and your mom talk to an attorney and set up whatever is needed to protect her and any assets she has.

How many other responsible adults is she asking?

IMHO it's a rewarding role as you can make appropriate decisions if needed. If she didn't think so you would have not been on the A list.

At the very least it is a method to insure that someone is able to make decisions for her should she become unable to do so herself. If you're the only one being offered that office, I think you should take it. You can delve into what is required later.

flashguy

We just went through getting power of attorney forms set up for my mom. For Iowa, it was recommended to complete financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney, and a living will. The bank had their own process and forms needed once they saw the financial power of attorney. A doctor recommended getting a copy of the medical power of attorney provided to all doctors my mom works with so they have it added to her file in advance.

quote:

Originally posted by NavyGuy:
... I assume you have good relations with your mom and other family members ...

My mom? Yeah, she calls every time she needs something. But the world revolves around her, ya know?

I don't mean to be like that, sorry. I just wish this could have been a discussion instead of getting pushed into it with great urgency.

quote:

Originally posted by signewt:
How many other responsible adults is she asking?

Just me.

quote:

Originally posted by flashguy:
At the very least it is a method to insure that someone is able to make decisions for her should she become unable to do so herself. If you're the only one being offered that office, I think you should take it. You can delve into what is required later.

flashguy

She's able. She just wants me to do the minutiae.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

quote:

Originally posted by flashguy:
At the very least it is a method to insure that someone is able to make decisions for her should she become unable to do so herself. If you're the only one being offered that office, I think you should take it. You can delve into what is required later.

flashguy

She's able. She just wants me to do the minutiae.

Just because you have a Power of Attorney does not mean you have to use it. It's there for when it is needed.

flashguy

quote:

Originally posted by flashguy:

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

quote:

Originally posted by flashguy:
At the very least it is a method to insure that someone is able to make decisions for her should she become unable to do so herself. If you're the only one being offered that office, I think you should take it. You can delve into what is required later.

flashguy

She's able. She just wants me to do the minutiae.

Just because you have a Power of Attorney does not mean you have to use it. It's there for when it is needed.

flashguy

good point.

Be very careful if you have to take over her finances. Maintain a separate account for her money. Keep a spreadsheet with monthly income and outgo. Keep reciepts for every expenditure. My wife did her mother's, and she had to report to the court quarterly with these records. Also, once he died, the records went to the probate court. Probably not your circumstance, but...

Good advice so far. My experience was having separate POAs for property and other decision making situations. It was such an eye opener how some places it was a golden ticket and others needed nuclear launch codes to get anything done.

So, take the time to figure out what is needed up front and then get it done asap. It was a very close thing with my parents since they had declined so much before any of this got discussed it almost didn't happen.

quote:

I just wish this could have been a discussion instead of getting pushed into it with great urgency.

I felt the same way. My own parents deteriorated slowly but inevitably over a decade+; we talked about the 'theoretical' need for various legal bits & forms. They were never quite in the right place to actual complete that process BEFORE it was necessary. Then suddenly it was nearly too late.

A word to the sufficient: do it NOW; later is more costly, more effort, more traumatic, and avoid the last-minute 'oh, Momma wanted ME to do all that stuff'......It also helps deal with all the previously unknown pretenders & close-friend/relative trying to move in without valid claim.

If it's likely YOU will end up with the bag duties anyway (surprising how many family actually flee the work phase while making various demands & propriatery claims.

I'm still in this process. My Mom passed last July. It may be different in your state but my attorney advised put everything in to probate. Probate is their to protect everybody and its not to be feared. If after your parent passes and you are the representative of the estate any suits filed on the estate, and the estate can't cover you would be liable for the difference if the estate is not in probate. Your state law my be different. Above all protect yourself. Don't expect the process to move quickly.

FYI - Some financial institutions and banks require a power of attorney on their forms and won't honor any others, regardless of what it says on the documents you paid for. Check with the institutions where Mom has accounts. Sometimes the info is on their website.