A young Jewish man is concerned about keeping sabbath and is wondering whether sex is for pleasure or is it work. He goes to his rabbi with the question who immediately responds with "It is pleasure for sure" the young man asked how he know he can be so sure and he replies simple "If it was work, my wife would have the maid do it."

A minister, a priest and a rabbi die in a car crash. They go to heaven for orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends, family and congregants are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?"

The minister says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man."

The priest says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of G-d who made a huge difference in people's lives."

The rabbi replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"



.

Old One:
The elderly Jewish merchant is on his deathbed with his wife and children gathered round. He opens his eyes and says to his wife, "Is that you, Ida? "Yes, papa, I'm here" she replies.
"and Jacob?" He's right here, Papa." "Isaac, where's Isaac" He's here too, Papa." and Esther, where is my daughter, Esther?"" Right here, Papa. We're all here".
The old man raises up from the pillow and says, "Then who the hell is watching the store?"

Favorite One:
Someone in the CIA discovers that one of its agents in Moscow is in grave danger because his cover has been blown. His name is Goldberg and they need to warn him.They call in another agent familiar with Russia and prepare him for a trip to meet up with Goldberg at his Moscow apartment. He is instructed that the secret code phrase is "the eagle flies at midnight". Pretty soon the agent finds himself in front of the address he has been given. He enters the hallway of the building and to his dismay, finds there are two Goldbergs listed as tenants, one on the first floor and one on the seventh floor. After a few agonizing moments, he knocks on the door of the first floor apartment. A little old Jewish man opens the door. The agent looks at him and says, "The eagle flies at midnight". The old man says, "You want Goldberg, the spy. He's on the seventh floor" and shuts the door.

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall.."

A man named Bob Smith boarded an airplane and took his seat. Soon a drop dead gorgeous hawt sexy woman sat next to him.

Pleasantries were exchanged and soon conversation was flowing. Bob asked if she was flying for business or pleasure.

She turned and smiled and said “Business, I'm going to an annual Nymphomaniacs of America convention in Boston.

He swallowed hard, She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure he calmly asked, What is your business at this convention?

She replied I use the information from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.

Really? He said.. What kind of myths are those?

She said Well one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indians who are the most likely to posses that trait.

Another popular myth is that the French men are the best lovers when actually the men of Jewish descent are the best lovers.

I've also discovered that the lovers with the best stamina are the men of southern redneck descent.

Then she said I'm sorry, I'm saying all this personal information without actually knowing your name.


Bob replied with a big warm smile saying My name is Tonto, Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.

.

"Hey Reuben, you want some of this shrimp?"

"No thanks, I'm Jewish."

"That's ok, it's free."

Is anyone else reading these in the voice of Mel Brooks?

When I think of Jewish jokes, I remember Myron Cohen, who used to appear on the Ed Sullivan show telling them. Years ago, a Jewish politician, named Robert Briscoe was elected Lord Mayor of Dublin, Ireland. He came to New York and they welcomed him with a parade up Broadway. Two Jewish women are in the crowd and one says to the other, " You see that, Sadie? Mr. Robert Briscoe, mayor of Dublin, he's Jewish, you know." The other woman smiles and replies, "Only in America!"

And Chaim Herzog, born in Belfast, Northern Ireland and raised in Dublin, became president of Israel.

NOT a joke.