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Delusions of Adequacy |
My Latin teacher told this one: "Pincus," Yacov said, "the last time we came to you for new suits, we told you we wanted black suits. The suits you made were not black. They were sort of dark grey maybe, but not black, We need new suits, and this time we want black suits, from the darkest cloth there is." Pincus reached behind for a bolt of cloth and he said, "See this cloth? It is from this fabric that I make the habits for nuns. In all the world," Pincus said, fingering the bolt of fabric, "there is no blacker cloth than the cloth I make nun's habits from, and it is from this cloth that I'll make your new suits!" A few weeks later the two Hasidic Jews were walking down the street in their new suits when they passed two nuns. Impulsively, on a whim, one of the men went up to one of the nuns. He grabbed her sleeve and held it up against his own. Then, in an angry voice, he muttered something to his friend and they both walked on. "What did that man want?" one nun asked the other. "I don't know," she replied. "he looked at my garment, said something in Latin, and left." "In Latin?" asked the first nun. "What did he say?" He said, "Marcus, Pincus fuctus." I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm. | |||
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Drill Here, Drill Now |
In the Jewish theology, when does a fetus become a human? When it graduates from med school. Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer. | |||
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Mensch |
V-Tail is Jewish & so am I. It's all in good fun. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt" "The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris | |||
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| You're going to feel a little pressure... |
How do you know if a Jewish American Princess has an orgasm? She drops her nail file. Bruce "The designer of the gun had clearly not been instructed to beat about the bush. 'Make it evil,' he'd been told. 'Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with." -Douglas Adams “It is just as difficult and dangerous to try to free a people that wants to remain servile as it is to try to enslave a people that wants to remain free." -Niccolo Machiavelli The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all. -Mencken | |||
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אַרְיֵה |
I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that TMats' rolleyes might be related to the post immediately preceding his, RaiseHal's dumbassed reference to big noses and free air, the same assinine "joke" that this putz posts every time a thread like this comes along. By the way, I have no idea why it tickles my funny bone as much as it does, but TMat's knock knock, fortification joke has kept me laughing all day. הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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| Mensch |
Hmmm, didn't realize that he's a schmuck. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt" "The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris | |||
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| אַרְיֵה |
Now we're about to launch into a discussion of the fine distinction between a putz and a schmuck. Maybe the Monkey will be along with a reference to the Talmudic definitions. הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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Legalize the Constitution |
Yeah, there are jokes and then there is just low class stereotyping. I heard the “fortification” joke years ago. I think it’s funny too; glad you liked it  _______________________________________________________ despite them | |||
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| Slayer of Agapanthus |
What about schmiels? Can I volunteer to be the honorary SF schmiel? Not a Jew, but did join the JPFO. For fun, www.jewornotjew.com "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye". The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery, pilot and author, lost on mission, July 1944, Med Theatre. | |||
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| אַרְיֵה |
I guess I appreciate it partly because some of my family used to go to the Catskills fortification. It was a long time ago, in the post-WW2 years. I still have fuzzy memories. הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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| Mensch |
I thought that changes after your Bar Mitzvah. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt" "The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris | |||
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| אַרְיֵה |
I think you mean "schlemiel." As far as I know, it's not a voluntary position. You have to earn it, maybe by being the guy who gets chicken soup spilled on him multiple times in a restaurant.  As far as your link, are you telling us that you're really Peter Green(baum)? Wow, who knew? הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים | |||
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A Grateful American |
So, who knew? A schmuck will step on his putz and a putz will step on his schmuck. "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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| Lawyers, Guns and Money  |
Ed Ames Teaches Johnny Carson to Throw a Tomahawk "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." -- Justice Janice Rogers Brown "The United States government is the largest criminal enterprise on earth." -rduckwor | |||
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| On the wrong side of the Mobius strip  |
I saw Jackie Mason on Broadway maybe 30 years ago when he was doing his "The World According to Me" show. Funny guy. One bit was about telling a Jewish girl she looks like a hooker and she takes it as a compliment. Lots of other funny bits as well. Found a video...  | |||
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| A Grateful American |
A Catholic, and Protestant were discussing tithing. The Catholic says: "We pass the plate, then draw a circle, take money and throw it in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we give to God." The Protestant says: "We pass the plate, then draw a circle, take money and throw it in the air, and whatever lands outside the circle we give to God." The Jew overhears and says: “We Jews are not much unlike you Christians, we pass the plate, then draw a circle, take money and throw it in the air; whatever God wants, He keeps!”  "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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| The Main Thing Is Not To Get Excited  |
Risky thread for Goyem but here goes... One morning a very long time ago a young boy living in a Russian Shetel was given the rare treat of a piece of black bread with honey on one side. He went outdoors to eat in the open air and before he took even one bite he dropped it. The bread twisted in the air and landed with the honey side up. The boy stared for a moment then picked it up and ran back into the family's hut and cried out to his mother to come and look. He showed her the bread and told her what happened with amazement on his face. His mother quickly wrapped the honeyed bread and took it and the boy to the Rabbi. "How could such a thing happen? How could a poor boy, a Jew, in Russia, drop his bread and have it fall unsullied with the honey still on the top?" the Rabbi thought and said that his training wasn't sufficient to answer a question like that and he had never heard of such a thing and if he did not know the boy so well he would even suspect that it might not be true. But he offered to take the honeyed bread to the town where there was a synagogue and ask the more learned Rabbis what they thought. He was gone for days and when he returned the whole village turned out for by now everyone had heard of this strangest of phenomena, a young Jew getting a lucky break. The Rabbi waited for the crowd to settle into quiet before telling them what he had learned. "The Rabbis were as baffled as I was when I told the tale of this miraculous happening and the reason for my long absence is because they considered this event for several days before they came to what can only be the right conclusion; the boy's mother put the honey on the wrong side of the bread." _______________________ | |||
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| Member |
What do Jews and canoes have in common? They don’t like to tip | |||
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Member |
Schlemiel, schlimazel, hasenpfeffer incorporated... . | |||
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Certified All Positions |
Guys lets keep the bar for these jokes high please. Skip the simple ones we've all heard that border on bigotry. If you aren't sure what I mean just skip posting your joke. Arc. ______________________________ "Like a bitter weed, I'm a bad seed"- Johnny Cash "I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." - Pee Wee Herman Rode hard, put away wet. RIP JHM "You're a junkyard dog." - Lupe Flores. RIP | |||
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