So, you haven't talked about a prenup with her?

You need to sort that out, and post haste.

If you handle it wrong, the prenup will say to her "I don't trust you." and that is a shitty way to start a marriage.

quote:

Originally posted by 1s1k:
Poor judgement waiting to bring this up a month before getting married unless you just received an unexpected windfall.

In which case he should cancel the wedding immediately and go on a whirlwind vacation and bed women from all over the world!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Rey HRH:
You should have done it shortly after you got engaged.

Even before getting engaged. Back when it's light and everyone is talking about what they want in life / what they expect, it's an easy topic to bring up.

There's no rush for a prenup. Postnups work too.

Ohhhh, damn.

We just "celebrated" our 33rd year of marriage. That worked out great, because she was in IN dropping off one of our six kids at college. I stayed here with the youngest, who just started her junior year of high school.

Hey Aeteocles, what's this postnup you mentioned?? I really just want to be left alone these days.....

I've never met a woman who would be receptive to an unannounced prenup 30days out.

These are the sort of conversations one has before even considering engagement.

Like, "my dog is part of the package, and my grandparent's house must remain separate, and I'm never ever moving to (insert place), and if you're down with that, then let's do it."

A year or two ago...

Just be sure to keep any inheritance as separate property in your name only. Keep those funds alone and never deposit any earned or jointly owned money with them. Never mingle any other assets with inherited funds. Consult with an attorney.

Also not a lawyer but believe PA is likewise a state in which inherited property is separate property. Funds used for a mortgage or put into a joint account become joint property. The "joint account" is what changes the nature of the property.

Found on the web:

Generally, inheritances are not subject to equitable distribution because, by law, inheritances are not considered marital property. Instead, inheritances are treated as separate property belonging to the person who received the inheritance, and therefore may not be divided between the parties in a divorce.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by 1s1k:
Poor judgement waiting to bring this up a month before getting married unless you just received an unexpected windfall.

In which case he should cancel the wedding immediately and go on a whirlwind vacation and bed women from all over the world!!!!

Yep, we should just call the whole thing off I guess.

Poor judgement aside. Here's my situation. I am likely to inherit about $1m in the next ten years. She'll probably inherit $300-500k in next 20-30 years. Currently between my upside down mortgage and her student debt we both barely have a positive net worth.

Sounds like no agreement is actually needed as long as we keep money separate. My biggest concern would be if I took money from the inheritance and used to buy marital property like a house. Let's say I used $100,000 for down payment on a house or to update mine. How can the money be later separated?

quote:

Originally posted by Skins2881:

Poor judgement aside. Here's my situation. I am likely to inherit about $1m in the next ten years. She'll probably inherit $300-500k in next 20-30 years. Currently between my upside down mortgage and her student debt we both barely have a positive net worth.

Ya know....context is king.

We could have saved 2 pages of “bad judgement” posts if you had just shared that info in the first place.

quote:

Originally posted by Skins2881:
Here's my situation. I am likely to inherit about $1m in the next ten years.

Damn!! That’s a strong incentive to remain single and get a head start on an early retirement.

Not to mention new guns, motorcycles, hookers and blow.

quote:

Originally posted by Skins2881: Let's say I used $100,000 for down payment on a house or to update mine. How can the money be later separated?

Don't think it can, Skins. But you either want to share or you do not. But from experience, I'd say it is a lot harder to find someone with whom you get along than it is to come across a large lump sum of money. If I was in the same situation, I might say, "Sweetie, I'll probably inherit $xxx within the decade. I want to be up front about it now of my plans. My goal is to contribute $xxx to our household and put aside $xxx to leave to heirs within my family."

quote:

My biggest concern would be if I took money from the inheritance and used to buy marital property like a house. Let's say I used $100,000 for down payment on a house or to update mine. How can the money be later separated?

It can't.
It's only separate for as long as you keep it separate. If you keep it in a separate account, without her name, you can keep it separate. Once you buy joint property, you can't take it back.
Yes, you can keep the inheritance separate, if you wish, but don't be ridiculous about it. If she's your wife, you are going to use part of it for her benefit. That's just the way it is.

quote:

Originally posted by Skins2881:
Getting married in a month.

quote:

Also, not mentioned this to the fiancée at all.

That is not the sort of thing with which one should surprise someone. The concept shows a level of distrust and a disparity in status that would take some pretty far aback, coming out of the blue. If it's not intended as a slight, but rather a cooperative solution to a mutual problem, the idea would need to be discussed early and often.

I don't know you, don't know her, so I may be wrong here but I will go out on a limb with the prediction that if you spring this surprise a month before the planned wedding, Tropical Storm Florence might not be the biggest storm on the East Coast this month.

I'd say as long as he discusses it soon, and in a respectful manor, it doesn't count as "a surprise."

A Surprise would be something like "I have AIDS" or "I have an illegitimate child I never mentioned."

The sooner the better for the discussion of prenup to take place.

I did not do a prenup with my wife, we have friends who have done very simple, and very complex ones.

As long as you're already treating this person like you're married to them, it will be fine. Do you understand my point on that?

quote:

Originally posted by Skins2881:

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by 1s1k:
Poor judgement waiting to bring this up a month before getting married unless you just received an unexpected windfall.

In which case he should cancel the wedding immediately and go on a whirlwind vacation and bed women from all over the world!!!!

Yep, we should just call the whole thing off I guess.

Poor judgement aside. Here's my situation. I am likely to inherit about $1m in the next ten years. She'll probably inherit $300-500k in next 20-30 years. Currently between my upside down mortgage and her student debt we both barely have a positive net worth.

Sounds like no agreement is actually needed as long as we keep money separate. My biggest concern would be if I took money from the inheritance and used to buy marital property like a house. Let's say I used $100,000 for down payment on a house or to update mine. How can the money be later separated?

In Georgia, commingling like that is disasterous in divorce. I would tell a client they might as well consider it marital property.

I think that ship has sailed, I think your better off with the back up plan; to make sure that marriage thing works.

Mr. google says Virginia is not a community property state. For now Keep Separate checking and brokerage accounts. When and if down the road you buy a house together if it’s solely in your name and the mortgage is in your name and you used inherited assets then maybe she signs a quitclaim deed. And you can own it as your separate property But that’s problematic if you need her income to get a house loan and you make mortgage payments from a joint checking account. Also consider separate property trusts. You might be surprised and find her open to the idea.

Me and my wife were broke as a joke when we got hitched. I owned a few guns and the clothes on my back and a beater car. She about the same but no guns. Then after a few years we bought a house and now she is a full time stay at home Mom. I’ve made every dime for the last decade and made every payment on everything. She still gets 1/2 if she decides to leave. Except the 5k I inherited from my grandparents estate. I used that to buy a Rolex. So that’s mine. Interestingly the boiler plate letter included with the estate check was very very clear to point out inheritance is separate property. Everything else we have accumulated ? California is a community property state so let aJudge sort it out.

She Probly would want to take my bbq smoker just to spite me though.

quote:

Originally posted by Skins2881:
Here's my situation. I am likely to inherit about $1m in the next ten years. She'll probably inherit $300-500k in next 20-30 years. Currently between my upside down mortgage and her student debt we both barely have a positive net worth.

You are asking questions that are state specific. The only answer you should rely on is from an attorney in your state that practices in this particular area.

FWIW, most prenups I've drafted were signed a few weeks before the wedding. I did one last week and they're getting married tomorrow. It's not too late. If she's likely to inherit also, the proper context is that you're both acting to protect yourselves. After all, it may be you who goes off the rails.

As for your inheritance, if it's from your parents, have them leave it to you in trust. In my state, assets inherited from a 3rd party in a trust are statutorily protected from all creditors other than unpaid child support. Divorce and alimony can't reach those trust assets. Virginia's protection (or wherever your parents live) may be different. Go ask a lawyer who understands trusts and asset protection. You could likely serve as your own trustee so there would be no ongoing trustee fees. You could have the power to leave the trust assets to her if you wanted to. It's very straightforward.

I do a fair number of these. You need a Virginia lawyer to answer your questions. This varies a lot between states. I'd guess you can do what you want. You probably can't do kid stuff in a pre nup, which some suggested. There is a fair amount of iffy "advice" in this thread.

Call a lawyer. There are things you should consider that you don't even know you should think about.