[QUOTE]Originally posted by lbj:
I was thinking about my daughters today and wondered if I had had biological children in my life prior to them coming into my life, would I love them the same way I do now.

Obviously this means the "step" thing.

My fear is that I might look at them and or love differently in a mix of biologic and step kids.

The way my life worked out, I am sans any biologic children that I know about and therefore, the step part is out of the equation with regards to my daughters.

Such is a blessing.


As the father of one of each, I can give my perspective. The daughter I've known since she was half a second old is a different bond. I understand her better than my other daughter, who I first met when she was 10, and her mom and I married when she was 12. The "unconditional love" that a parent should feel for a child is present in daughter #1. There's nothing she could ever do that would turn me away. Happily, daughter #2 is normally a really good person, and it's easy to love and care for her. But there isn't quite as strong an "unconditional love" bond there.

Note that I believe that this unconditional love only works top to bottom. A parent feels it for a child, it doesn't necessarily work the other way. I imagine I could piss off either of my kids enough, and be enough of a bad parent, that they would turn away from me, but I could never turn away from them. It's a difficult situation with steps. Perhaps if I'd met daughter #2's when she was a baby it would be different? I don't know, but I'm happy the way things are. It's an interesting topic....

Tabitha's son says I am a better father to him than his real one ever was.

LBJ, you do a great job of putting what you are going through into real words and feelings.

Almost like we are on the journey with you.

Stay strong.

Though a believer my entire life, I seemed to have left God out of most of it.
Yes I prayed, and oft time the answer was no.

Then the next crisis would hit years later and again it was back to God.
The answer was no of course.

That said, I never seem to have lost faith itself in that I always went back over and over again with each major crisis.
I kept going back to well as it were, no matter what.

The decades go by and a little over 3 years ago, I was diagnosed terminal. The same holds true today.

We all know just by being a good person, that won't get any of us an afterlife with The Lord.

When I think about my life, I thought that being a good person gave me a sense of satisfaction, in my own heart of hearts.

Yeah, I had a lot of stumbles, broke a Commandment or two, but generally speaking I was a good person and I was happy with that for it's own sake, for my own ideas about who I was and what I did.

That is not to say I didn't have faith all those years because I did.
I am talking humanistic earthly things here and being a good person has value just for my own piece of mind, self satisfaction, because we know that being a good person is not a ticket to Heaven.
I won't be rewarded by being a good person, that's expected I think because it kind of honors the fact I even have a life. Honor your life. It's the right thing to do.

I have to say though, at this point in my life and living well past my expiration date, being a good person just simply isn't enough to make me feel whole in my own mind and heart.
It's simply not enough.

There has to be more to my life.

Now I am speaking of the spirit, of Apostolic Christian things.

I missed out on this part for so long.
I am glad I am basically a good person, thought I would be satisfied with that.
Wrong.

Now I have a lot more in my life... Jesus Christ.


I guess most of us think of ourselves as a good person, right?
Now I see there is more to life than I ever thought, way more.
Which means I want more of Him and less of me in everything I do and think about.

Well, that was tonight's revelation.
I did my best to describe my feelings here, but my words seem to have fallen woefully short.
Make of it what you will.

In any and all cases:

Praise God!

Psalm 54:4 Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.

Praise Him.

I got home from church an hour ago and and a new revelation was given to me just now.

After this revelation, I found myself praying and thanking the Lord for the terminal disease I have because without it, I would never have come to know Him as I do.

It may seem odd to some, but what I just experienced is truly amazing.

Praise God!

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
I got home from church an hour ago and and a new revelation was given to me just now.

After this revelation, I found myself praying and thanking the Lord for the terminal disease I have because without it, I would never have come to know Him as I do.

It may seem odd to some, but what I just experienced is truly amazing.

Praise God!

That is simultaneously beautiful and profound and unfathomable and daunting. Very real; thank you.

I seem to be tired a lot these days.
I am almost 64 and all.

Come to think of it, I was born tired.
I'm told I slept a lot right after my birth.

I am still learning the drone thing. I have a ways to go.
Here is a not great but OK photo I took this morning.
I haven't done any processing other than a resize.

I had to put this up so everyone would feel sorry for me.

Back in HI again, eh?!? Cool photo! What drone did you go with?

Reminds me of Magnum P.I.

Tom's got a long mustache?

I brought the Mavic Pro.
There sure is a lot to learn on the app.

Mauna Kea Beach Hotel?

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:

I had to put this up so everyone would feel sorry for me.

I can’t speak for anyone else, however ‘sorry’ isn’t what is going through my head upon viewing that photo.

Enjoy Hawaii.

You never fail to inspire and offer profound perspective lbj. God is sharing through you some amazing and powerful things with all of us.

That is a great aerial shot too.

Indeed, what a journey it is. These days faith is my fuel, and one of discovery. Never in my life has my faith been as strong. Thank you for your thoughts, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, and more so as time moves forward.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
I am still learning the drone thing. I have a ways to go.
Here is a not great but OK photo I took this morning.
I haven't done any processing other than a resize.

I had to put this up so everyone would feel sorry for me.

Ah yes, back at the Mauna Kea I see. One of the best places in the country. Enjoy!

Nice Ariel Photo