Day 19.

I haven't posted in a week because things have not gone as well as I had hoped for week three.
I haven't cheated or anything so don't worry, I don't smoke anymore.

Everything was going smoothly as in no withdrawal or anything.
Oh no, it was much worse the last 7 days.

I have had a spiritual renewal going starting back in late July of this year and suddenly, this quitting of cigarettes ending this addiction cut me off spiritually.
I just couldn't connect with God.

Given all that has happened in my life the last 21.5 months, being spiritually blind and disconnected is not exactly a place I wanted to be for the last week.
Flying blind really bites the biggest and most huge moose available.
It does, truly it does.

Today the logjam has abated somewhat and I am feeling better and connected again.
I just wanted to wait until this was over to post about it.

That I would have none of the typical withdrawal symptoms and instead get hit with what I described above?
You know what?
There really are evil forces in this world.
I just experienced one.

This should not have happened in the real world, but it did.
Some of you know what I mean.

It seems as though it was a test... and you passed with flying colors!!

Which doesn't surprise me one bit, having followed along with you on your odyssey.

God bless you.
Don

When you find yourself in that place, you are typically being "spiritually fasted" and it has the benefit of making you ready to face a leap forward and or a fight.

It is a maturing in your walk, to be able to "walk through the valley" alone, and not fear.

I am glad that is over, I will say that.
The number 40 comes up a couple times in the Bible regarding The Wilderness.
I really didn't want to be off the grid for 40 days, let alone 40 years.
The comforting low voltage feeling is back.
Praise God.

Today was kind of weird.
I get a notice in my mailbox that postage is due on some item and I have to go to the post office to pick it up.
Most wouldn't know that the post office is a twenty minute drive away from me.

So I figured I had to drive and pay postage for someone suing me or something. It's happened before in that it was unwanted mail.
Come to find out, it's from the member ffips and it's a multicolored silver sigforum coin.

Very nice and worth the postage and the drive.
I did not have one of these but I do have one now.
Thanks ffips.

LBJ The good Lord will never ever abandon you. HE will always be with you. Hang in there.

Color me horrified. I did self check out and machine calculated the stamp. Definitely didn't want to send it C.O.D.

Glad it found the way.

Hopefully others didn't have same issue.

Again thanks for the coin.
It is a very nice gesture and thank you.

Yeah, the COD was funny because when that happens to me, it's always been a bad thing until now.
In this case, it was a good thing.

quote:

Originally posted by ac26:
LBJ The good Lord will never ever abandon you. HE will always be with you. Hang in there.

It's like all was going so smoothly, you know?
The spiritual renewal, the cessation of smoking, and then Presto!... gone, running like how I used to be, total believing, just not feeling.
Or maybe just not feeling like it's hammered home every time I praise God.
I am happy that part is back.
Really happy, ecstatic even.

Maybe words fail me here, but as ffips said above, color me horrified at the mere thought of being off the the grid.
It's always good to be good and better to be better.
I am glad it returned and is that way again.

What I went through given my recent mortality and realization of it on a daily basis for almost 2 years, The Wilderness is a bad place for me to be.
I guess I didn't mind it when I was younger and ten feet tall. But that was folly.

Argh!
The credit card bills for the Hawaiian vacation came in.
Argh again!

We did look happy though.

Way to go LBJ! What a beautiful family.

For what it's worth, I've been listening to Jordan Peterson's bible lectures and they do so much for me. Highly recommended, even if just to fill some silence. He can be quite funny too I think.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
Given all that has happened in my life the last 21.5 months.

Tom,
I know you’ve been through a lot, but this one sentence really stuck out for me! So glorious!

quote:

Originally posted by Slippery Pete:
Way to go LBJ! What a beautiful family.

For what it's worth, I've been listening to Jordan Peterson's bible lectures and they do so much for me. Highly recommended, even if just to fill some silence. He can be quite funny too I think.

I will have to look into him, I can't say I have heard of him.
I watch and listen to a lot of Irwin Baxter CDs.

quote:

Originally posted by tanner:
Tom,
I know you’ve been through a lot, but this one sentence really stuck out for me! So glorious!

I'm still hoping I'm on one of God's ten year plans.

Oh, I forgot, day 25 and all is well.
Plus I still haven't had one.

I figured out I only smoked for 47 years, not 48.
I feel better now that it wasn't 48 years.
48 just seemed like such a long time.

quote:

I figured out I only smoked for 47 years, not 48.

Yikes! If you started at 15 that means I started at 13! Hmm, sounds about right. That means I smoked for about 18 years, though I quit a few times in the 1980's, but finally for good in 1988. 48 isn't such a long time......50 years would have been a long time! Way to go quitting!

Day 28, still not smoking.

I was thinking last night and taking stock of my new life and comparing it with my old life.

I have to say that though initially my new religious conversion was somewhat easy, things are becoming more difficult.
One of the things I had not realized is how much I have to learn on this quest.

Another unexpected turn was the cessation and elimination of a few things I used to do most of my life.
Obviously, smoking was one of them, but also I have no interest in pornography. I actually turn away if it presents itself.
My TV habits have changed drastically and my wife watches lots of murder shows. I find myself walking out of the room and doing something else. She does control the remote pretty much and always has. I think most relationships are this way.
I don't seem to stare at pretty girls the way I use to.
I don't use curse words like I used to.

Not only I am happy I gave these things up, but it was kind of easy because my inner self changed and wanted to off this baggage.
It's not that I wanted to quit anything, it just came naturally because I changed and wanted to move in a different direction.

Here's the kicker for me currently:
After changing so much and changing my life, all those things I gave up were a great part of my life, both in my mind and body and took up a lot of my time.
Such has caused a void in my life that I am scrambling to fill.
That's huge for me right now and not an especially good feeling.
That said, I have no desire to fill the void with more useless things like those were.
That much is certain.

It reminds me of those lost days early in my life as a teen and maybe even before.
Some days back them I felt lost and was searching for who I should be and where I was going and what I was going to do and like and spend time doing.
So great, now I have some of those old awkward lost feelings again about worldly things that I thought were solved decades ago.

On the upside, my spirit feels good.

Strange things are afoot these days and are/were totally unexpected.
I should have seen and considered all this coming, but I didn't.


One a different note, this has been the House of Flu and Sickness the last 2 weeks.
Older daughter and wife have been down for the count.
I am not sure if I am coming down with it at this point, but younger daughter went down with it Sunday.
It worries me especially regarding the grandson potentially getting this.

Speaking of younger daughter, today, the public notice of name change is published in the newspaper. And for 2 more days as well.
In a few weeks or less, there will be one more person with the last name Wigley on the planet.
Such a great thing and gift from my youngest.

I have something in my eye, gotta go.

Cool

Hang in there LBJ. I quit cold turkey in 1999 and to this day, still miss it after a great meal. Ugh.

It was very very hard the first month, then got easier but never quite gone away for me.

Thanks.

I think I've said this before but here it is again.

I am so happy I lived in the age of the Edison incandescent light bulb.