It seems we have a lot of seasoned guys on this forum. My question is, what life advice do you have for the younger guys? Any regrets? And more specifically, any advice for a 30ish year old guy who is about to have a daughter?

Tagging this as I am also a 30ish guy about to have a daughter!

Since this is a shooting oriented forum, wear hearing protection. I am in my mid 40's. I have an elementary aged son. I can't understand what he is saying much of the time over the ringing. I think he gets tired of repeating himself.

I live comfortably in the middle class. One thing I would do over is spend less and invest more. I wouldn’t buy the 300zx, Lexus’ and such. I wouldn’t go out to eat at fancy restaurants as much as I did. I wouldn’t drink as much expensive wine and scotch as I did.

Basically, in my do over, I would enjoy life more frugally and invest more with the goal of retiring as early as possible.

Spend as much as you can afford and still retire by 50.

The best advice I can give is to be willing to do girly stuff with her. Don't let her mom be the only one to play barbies and dolls and stuff. I took my daughter out for plenty of daddy-daughter time but I wish I had spent more time playing dolls with her when she was little.

And when people say that they grow up so fast that is true. One day you will be looking at the start of a young woman and wondering where the days of her believing in Santa and Mickey Mouse went. You will hear the theme song to some silly cartoon she used to watch and miss the days when she was so little.

Cherish every single day. Every one of them.

quote:

Originally posted by konata88:
I would enjoy life more frugally and invest more with the goal of retiring as early as possible.

^^^^^ THIS.

Buy what you need, not necessarily what you want. Spend money first on long-term retirement (401(k)s, IRAs, etc.) and build a short-term emergency fund...just for emergencies.

Live frugally; build wealth. Balance life.

Figure out money is a tool, and how to properly use that tool.

Treat it well, it will be useful for you.
Treat it poorly, and it will make you miserable.

Take on only debt that you must, and that provides you leverage to your advantage.

Be true to the truth. You can lie to others, you can lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to the truth.
Realizing that helps you not do the first two things.

Integrity is a pristine jewel of great value granted to all of us.
Keep it pure, and guard it from yourself, and those things and other's that seek to have you cast it aside.

Often, the things it is traded for, one already has, or has better.

I regret that I did not know much of this when I was young, but better late than never.

And, lastly, I am not an expert, just a sure victim of experience.


Edited to add:

I have two daughters. Grown now, and Arc is spot on.

quote:

Originally posted by barsad0:
It seems we have a lot of seasoned guys on this forum. My question is, what life advice do you have for the younger guys? Any regrets? And more specifically, any advice for a 30ish year old guy who is about to have a daughter?

Pale Horse is on it. It's so cliche, but try to enjoy every minute of being with your child(ren). You will be shocked at how fast it goes. You will take things for granted, you will get angry, and you will get caught up in the stressful moments, because that's what we all do. Try hard not to. There are things about your child that will drive you mad, but one day soon you will find yourself alone again without your little companion(s) and the silence is louder than you can ever imagine.

Hoo boy! Where to start?

No particular order,

1. Sharing and caring is what my wife and I call our relationship. It can be summarized by saying my rule is that if there is not enough of something, she takes what she wants and I get what's left. IOW, she, her needs, come first in all things. Funny thing is she feels the same way about me and what I need. I can’t think of anything more rewarding, and essential.

2. Raise your kids, don’t just let them grow up. Take an active hand to insure they end up healthy, responsible, mature adults. This is far more important than a big estate to inherit.

3. Avoid substance abuses of all kinds. Watch your health. Never stop learning. Read constantly.

4. Be responsible in all things. Like the Captain of a ship, you are responsible for how your life works and those for whom you are responsible. You have to see to it that everything is as you want it. It takes effort, the habitual exercise of sound judgment, not so easy.

5. Avoid/minimize debt. Be efficient; avoid waste. My parents generation grew up in the depression of the ‘30’s and fought WWII and had this mastered.

6. Don’t be discouraged by the mistakes you will inevitably make. Try to avoid them of course. Churchill said that “success is moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

7. You may be too old, already passed this, but I think one should serve in the military for at least awhile.

Be the man you would want your daughter to marry.

Kids are great, but they are also complete assholes. Let's just be honest about that.

As far as advice raising a daughter, I'll just tell you how I'm raising my son:

Don't lie to your kids

Don't put up with bullshit from your kids

When they are upset with discipline, tell them why you're doing it. This is not "because I said so."

Teach your kids everything you know. Knowledge has no gender or sexual orientation.

If you treat your kids as special or fragile, they'll learn to be that.

Loving your child is teaching them "how to person," which means more than never being injured or disappointed.

My wife and I might have another child, and perhaps it's a girl. I have no plans on treating her any differently than I treat my son.

Which only means, cultivate what interests them, encourage social behavior, and make sure you always have their best interests in mind. Which can include making them unhappy in the short term.

When you're in command - command.

Listen twice as much as you speak.

Always save part of your pay and invest it - always.

You can be a friend to your children, but you must be their parent first and foremost.

Let your kids skin their knees. Let them - really. Be there to help them up again, but let them revel in the mistake.

It's not how you fall, it's how you get up again that is the measure of a person.

Always judge a person by what they do, never by what they say.

Don't buy all the shit your wife insists you "have to" buy. I gave so much shit away our kid never used.

Know that she is your #1 priority from now on.

Start an e-mail account for her, send her e-mails with pictures. Stories of how you and your wife met. Stories about your life. Details that will fade with time. She's not old enough to read it now but make sure you keep the password set aside so when she's ready, she'll be able to read through them.

Our little one was born 2 months premature at 3 pounds, 2 ounces. Stayed in the NICU for nearly 2 months, we went to see her every day. Doctors said her motor skills would be slow to develop. She skipped crawling and started walking at 11 months.



She will be 3 in July:

When my daughter was about 5 or 6, I was so exhausted when I got home from work that I didn't have the energy to read a story to her, so my wife started doing it and it became a regular thing. I deeply regret that I did not change things enough to give me more time that I good give to her. She's a fine young woman and has her own daughter now (as of a month ago); we did have some good times together but work definitely took a lot of irreplaceable time and energy during a crucial time in her life.

OTOH, we brought her up in a church and when she was a teenager she became a very serious Christian so we don't regret that at all; we were not church-goers when our boys were growing up and we do regret that.

quote:

Originally posted by konata88:
I live comfortably in the middle class. One thing I would do over is spend less and invest more. I wouldn’t buy the 300zx, Lexus’ and such. I wouldn’t go out to eat at fancy restaurants as much as I did. I wouldn’t drink as much expensive wine and scotch as I did.

Basically, in my do over, I would enjoy life more frugally and invest more with the goal of retiring as early as possible.

Spend as much as you can afford and still retire by 50.

This, save 20% of your income always. Buy investments, not expenses (IE buy a house, not a sexy car.) Keep your spending in check, but still spend a little to enjoy yourself and travel etc. Don't take on debt. With other people, pick your battles, some fights aren't worth the battle.......

I never had any kids, so can't give advice there.

If I could go back, I would save more money and spend a lot less than I did. I'm OK financially, but I would be a whole lot better off if I just spent less money on useless crap like expensive cars and motorcycles.

Buy a nice home that is in good shape and plan on staying for awhile.

My much younger brother is about to buy a 900K home with his wife. They both make a lot of money, but I raised my concerns with them. A family of 3 does not need a huge house with 2 garages. Just because you can afford it at the moment, doesn't mean you can a few years from now....Anything can happen.

I am very much over "needing" or wanting more than what I already have.

All that said, I still buy guns that I don't really need! Still a less expensive hobby than some others I have had.

P.S.

Hire a trusted and recommended accountant and/or financial planner to keep you in check.

Best of luck to you and your family!

Take 50 bucks more per week and save and invest it. It will make a HUGE difference in the years/decades ahead.

Find balance.

Focus on the right details.

Make good decisions.

----------------------------------------

Spend time with you kids. Keep them busy when they get into Jr. high. It keeps them from "hanging out".

Whether they get into sports, dancing, martial arts, band, it does not matter but it keeps them out of trouble and focused.

There is a delicate transition from protecting your little girl and allowing her to figure stuff out on her own at the right age. Which also includes making some mistakes. Not allowing that transition to happen can really screw up your little girl in gaining important skills that make her independent and able to not rely on others her whole life. Doing everything for her, even as an adult is not helpful. She needs to develop and hone these skill early and often as she grows into a women. Mtcw