Cheap friend...unsure how to have this discussion about paying fair share

February 03, 2019, 08:12 AM

frayedends

quote:
Originally posted by rbert0005:
I call Bull on the separate checks. Why give the server extra work.

Tell the bum to pony up, it's that easy.
Maybe "isn't it about time you get the big half" would work.

Bob

Separate checks is pretty standard these days. No different than 3 tables with 3 couples or 1 table with 3 couples. They are getting tipped by everyone. Heck we’ve had an entire kids hockey team with kids at different tables than parents and the waitresses handle it, no problem. They used kids jersey number to separate.

February 03, 2019, 08:16 AM

FrankMoses

I’m with kkina, take turns. I did this with a friend for years and it worked fine.
Separate checks looks petty, and pretty much says “We can’t trust each other”

February 03, 2019, 08:23 AM

recoatlift

If ya can’t bring yourself to say separate checks, throw out, let’s go Dutch, Dutch treat.

February 03, 2019, 08:31 AM

a1abdj

quote:
Why give the server extra work.

I could see this argument in an old school, we do all of our paperwork by hand environment.

Most modern day restaurants use computers, and it only takes a few button pushes on the screen to get it done.

February 03, 2019, 08:59 AM

Bytes

If you enjoy your time hanging out with the guy and you think asking him to put some more money in will cause an issue stay where you're at. If it is bothering you tell him to pony up and let the situation go where it goes.

February 03, 2019, 09:08 AM

smschulz

I go to lunch with a buddy all the time.
We take turns on paying, regardless of the price and never think twice about the amounts.
Sometimes it is a check for $25, sometimes it is $50, last time it was $75 including a few margaritas - no bid deal as we don't keep score.

February 03, 2019, 09:11 AM

erj_pilot

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This right here. That's what a TRUE friend(s) is all about. I am blessed with the same. Sometimes we may split the check and one had a drink and the other didn't. We don't care. It's all about the fellowship and camaraderie...

"If you’re a leader, you lead the way. Not just on the easy ones; you take the tough ones too…” – MAJ Richard D. Winters (1918-2011), E Company, 2nd Battalion, 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne

"Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Therefore, as tongues of fire lick up straw and as dry grass sinks down in the flames, so their roots will decay and their flowers blow away like dust; for they have rejected the law of the Lord Almighty and spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel." - Isaiah 5:20,24

February 03, 2019, 10:59 AM

Warhorse

My friend and I go shooting in the morning once a week usually. Afterwards we go to a restaurant for breakfast, we just alternate paying the bill, works for us.

February 03, 2019, 01:32 PM

newmexican

When I was living overseas I had a friend like that, he was insanely cheap and would go to all sorts of lengths to get out of paying what really amounted to a few bucks, he was my co worker so I knew he was getting paid the same as me. He would drop a 5 or 10 on the table and leave 10 minutes early or not order food then bum a slice of pizza off 3-4 different people.

He didn’t even try to hide it and it would be so awkward it was often hard to even say anything. The final straw was when we were at a restsrsunt/bar and they said if we ordered 4 beers, we’d get a 5th for free....this guy pulled a “I’m not thirsty yet I’ll order one in a bit” the 4 of us ordered beers and the extra one was sitting out on the table....then he pulled a “oh I’ll just have that one since it was free”....nope. It ended then and there and got sort of ugly.

February 03, 2019, 02:22 PM

barndg00

I was raised in a family where trying to get the check was raised to an artform. When I was much younger, parents always paid for meals. After college and having my own money, they still generally insisted they pay, as I was in medical school or residency and we did not have much. After residency, it was game on. My parents and my wife and I often go to lengths to get the check - my Dad likes to snag the waitress while getting up to use the restroom, I like the trick of holding the door for everyone as we walk in (thus being behind everyone going to the table) and letting the host or hostess know that the bill is to come directly to me. Hands can get bruised if the check is laid on the table between us.

With my friends it is pretty similar. A buddy and I go out for beers while our daughters are in dance class together about once or twice a month. I think we alternate, we both pick up the check regularly but do not actively keep track of who paid last. The idea of someone leeching on and not paying at least their share in a relationship is simply foreign to me and those I associate with, thank goodness!

February 03, 2019, 02:36 PM

arfmel

Separate checks looks petty, and pretty much says “We can’t trust each other”
___________________________________

The OP’s friend has already proven that he isn’t trustworthy, so no need to worry about hurting his feelings.

February 03, 2019, 03:36 PM

SIG228

quote:
Originally posted by arfmel:
Separate checks looks petty, and pretty much says “We can’t trust each other”
___________________________________

The OP’s friend has already proven that he isn’t trustworthy, so no need to worry about hurting his feelings.

Exactly, he's already proven he's not very trustworthy or he wouldn't be sticking the OP with the bill.

As someone already posted, fool me once...

February 03, 2019, 03:47 PM

12131

quote:
Originally posted by acidjazz:
This has been going on for years. Somehow I think it's my fault for letting it go on for so long.

Anyway, I got a buddy, he's a good enough friend, and we meet up once every 1-2 weeks for beer or just some bar food.
Basically, a beer or some general bar grub.

The check would generally come to 30 bucks, tip included. Nothing substantial. So at first I'd put down a 20 and tell him to take care of the rest. He'd throw down a 10 and we'd be good. I didn't really think anything of it.
He never offered up anything more than 10 bucks, but that's OK.

Prices go up, and of course the bill climbs accordingly. So say I had 13 bucks worth of stuff, I'd throw down 20. Then he'd throw down a 10. And it wouldn't be enough to cover the check. So I'd dig deeper and put a couple more bucks in.

Next time we meet, same thing. I'd look at him, "Sorry that's all I got." Mind you this is a guy who will either have just gone on a trip or bought himself a new thousand-dollar toy and will talk about his planned acquisitions.

I have to remind him to bring enough to cover the tab.

So last night we went out, same deal...tab was 35 with tip, mine actually slightly cheaper. I throw down 20. He puts down 10. We're still 5 short. He puts some change on the table, "Sorry that's all I brought." I have to cover the rest not to short the bartender.

I don't know what to do. He's a good friend but I just can't stand that.

I'd never let somebody pick up the majority of the tab so many times, I'd be fighting them to pay it.

Any suggestions? Makes me not want to spend any time with him.

Been going on for years. Meet once or twice a week for beer/bar food. Unless there's something else you haven't mentioned, like he helped you with many things in the past, I don't see how this scenario qualifies this guy as a "good friend". Good friends don't stick it to you repeatedly, even after being reminded.

February 03, 2019, 03:51 PM

ensigmatic

quote:
Originally posted by FrankMoses:
Separate checks looks petty, and pretty much says “We can’t trust each other”

ISTM acidjazz' "friend" has already demonstrated he's not trustworthy. Repeatedly. Over years.

February 03, 2019, 04:29 PM

Skins2881

quote:
Originally posted by Steyn:
This thread is not about cheapness; it’s about morals. Heck, I am the cheapest person I know, and I’d never do that to a friend.

Ding, ding, ding. Winner.

I'm cheap as can be. I'd never stick my friend with and unfair portion of a bill. The fact he has played this stupid little game for so long would really piss me off. I would never let it last through a third meal.

I do have a friend who stuggles financially. He never pays when when we go out to eat or for a drink. He'd pick up the check if let him, but I won't.

Your friend is playing some sort of stupid game. I wouldn't stand for it.

February 03, 2019, 04:33 PM

Sig209

quote:
Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
I know people like this. How important is the relationship?? Answer that question and act accodingly.

exactly

in this ONE scenario - yes he is indeed a mooch

but what other redeeming qualities exist? did he one time loan you his car - no questions asked for a month free of charge??

did he extract your daughters wisdom teeth at no cost?

et etc

we have to be careful to not allow this one undesirable quality cancel out ALL OTHER good qualities...

so basically - not enough information to answer the question ...

(but I do understand why this is annoying...)

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